我是如何當(dāng)媽的？

Angela Ahrendts last week sat down to write an open letter to her daughters, Sommer and Angelina, and posted the result on LinkedIn for all to see. Most people liked it a lot. Inspiring! Beautiful! Fabulous! Empowering! — was the verdict on Twitter.

安吉拉•阿倫茨(Angela Ahrendts)前不久給她的兩個(gè)女兒，索瑪(Sommer)和安吉麗娜(Angelina)，寫了一封公開信，她把這封信發(fā)表在領(lǐng)英(LinkedIn)上。大部分人對(duì)這封信都推崇備至。好感人!寫得真好!棒極了!正能量!——Twitter上一片盛贊。

On reading it I was filled with wonder too, but mainly at how another professional white woman, born less than a year after me, could view motherhood quite so differently.

看了這封信我也大為驚奇，但主要是因?yàn)椋瑯邮前兹寺殬I(yè)女性(她比我小幾個(gè)月)，對(duì)于為母之道的看法，我倆竟如此不同。

The Apple exec and ex-Burberry boss begins: “I’ve always tried to lead by example when we are together, so I will do the same in this letter by reminding you of a few thoughts that will help you navigate your incredible life journey ahead.”

這位蘋果(Apple)的高管和博柏利(Burberry)的前首席執(zhí)行官在信的開頭這樣寫道：“和你們?cè)谝黄饡r(shí)我總試著以身作則，所以在這封信中我也會(huì)這么做，我要給你們提一些建議，幫你們?cè)谄婷畹娜松弥许樌叫小?rdquo;

Before she has got going, she and I have parted company. As my children are grown up, I do not see myself as leading them at all. Neither do I believe that a few thoughts from me will help them much on their incredible life journey. Indeed, I refuse to see their lives as a journey, incredible or otherwise. I reserve that word for something that involves going from A to B, preferably with a ticket.

還沒進(jìn)入正題，她就和我產(chǎn)生了分歧。我的孩子們都已長(zhǎng)大，這讓我覺得根本沒法再引導(dǎo)他們。我也不認(rèn)為在他們奇妙的人生之旅中我的意見能幫上多大忙。事實(shí)上，我不愿將他們的人生看成一段旅程，不管奇不奇妙。我覺得，旅程這個(gè)詞含有從一個(gè)地方到另一個(gè)地方的意思，而且最好有張票。

Ms Ahrendts’ first tip is to be present: “I’ve always tried to be present for you,” she says. This mindfulness jargon strikes me as a cop-out when used by working parents. It has been scientifically proven that you cannot be in two places at once, and so if you are present at work, you are not present at home. To tell oneself otherwise assuages the guilt a bit, but does not change the reality.

阿倫茨女士的第一條秘訣是陪伴：“我總是盡量陪伴你們，”她寫道。這句謹(jǐn)小慎微的話讓我倍感驚訝，這是上班族父母慣用的一種托詞。科學(xué)證明一個(gè)人分身乏術(shù)，所以如果你在上班，就無法陪伴家人。自欺欺人能減輕一點(diǎn)罪惡感，但并不能改變事實(shí)。

“I wanted you to know that I am always there for you spiritually, emotionally and digitally,” she goes on. Digitally? What does that mean? That you can be present when you are absent?

“我想讓你們知道，我會(huì)一直跟你們?cè)谝黄穑瑹o論是在精神上、情感上還是在網(wǎng)上，”她繼續(xù)寫道。在網(wǎng)上?這是什么意思?是說即便你不在家也能陪孩子?

“You know I am on 24/7 for advice, love, or just to share a funny filtered photo, bitmoji or laugh.”

“要知道你們每天24小時(shí)都可以向我征求意見、求關(guān)愛，或只是跟我分享一張搞笑的濾鏡照片、一個(gè)自定義表情或是一件好玩的事兒。”

By contrast, I have always made it clear to my children I am on 16/7 max — they can wake me only at night for emergencies, and never for a laugh or a bitmoji. I am not sure what the latter is, but now I think of it, I doubt if I am on for that during the day either.

正相反，我一向明確告誡我的孩子們每天最多可以煩我16個(gè)小時(shí)——只有發(fā)生緊急情況才能在夜里把我弄醒，而且絕不要跟我分享什么樂子或是自定義表情。我拿不準(zhǔn)自定義表情是個(gè)什么東西，但現(xiàn)在想來，我懷疑在白天自己臉上可能一直帶著那玩意。

So far, our disagreement may be merely that Ms Ahrendts is American and I am British, and to her it makes sense to write about how much she loves her children on LinkedIn. To me, less so. Yet reading on, a more serious disagreement emerges. “Don’t let anyone persuade you to do anything that doesn’t feel natural or isn’t aligned with your values or God-given gifts,” she urges her daughters.

到目前為止，阿倫茨女士與我的分歧也許僅僅在于，她是美國(guó)人，而我是英國(guó)人，對(duì)她來說，在領(lǐng)英上表達(dá)自己多么愛孩子名正言順。但對(duì)我而言，卻不盡然。然而接著讀她的信，我又發(fā)現(xiàn)她和我之間一個(gè)更為嚴(yán)重的分歧。“別被任何人說服去做任何讓你們感到不自在、或有悖自己價(jià)值觀或是天賦的事，”她如此告誡自己的兩個(gè)女兒。

Not only do I disagree with this, I actively disapprove. This sort of advice is the reason that millennials are so disparaged. If they have been told by their mothers never to do anything that does not feel natural or align with their God-given gifts, how can they be anything other than insufferable brats when they join the workforce?

對(duì)于這個(gè)主張，我不僅不敢茍同，還要堅(jiān)決反對(duì)。這類主張正是千禧一代如此不招人待見的原因。如果他們的媽媽曾教導(dǎo)他們，絕不要做任何令自己感到不自在或有違自身天賦的事，那么當(dāng)這些孩子踏入職場(chǎng)，就只會(huì)成為讓人受不了的刺頭兒。

Instead, I warn my daughters (and sons) that almost all work feels unnatural at first and is often a bit boring, but if you stick at it, it gets better, and with luck can be rather interesting.

相反，我這樣告誡我的女兒們(還有兒子們)，幾乎所有工作在一開始都不怎么自在，通常還有點(diǎn)無聊，但如果堅(jiān)持下去，就會(huì)漸入佳境，而且運(yùn)氣好的話還可能很有意思。

Ms Ahrendts’ letter is better than a similar one written to his daughter by Eric Sprunk, chief operating officer of Nike, as part of the same Leaders and Daughters campaign organised by Egon Zehnder, the recruiter. “I want you to know you can be an incredible business leader, mother, sister, daughter, aunt, godparent, friend and wife all at the same time,” he writes.

阿倫茨女士的這封信，比起艾瑞克•斯普朗克(Eric Sprunk)寫給他女兒的信還略勝一籌，身為耐克(Nike)的首席運(yùn)營(yíng)官，斯普朗克先生也是參加獵頭公司億康先達(dá)(Egon Zehnder)組織的“領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者與女兒們”(Leaders and Daughters)活動(dòng)的一份子。“我希望你明白，你能成為一名非凡的商業(yè)領(lǐng)袖，同時(shí)還可以身兼母親、姐妹、女兒、阿姨、教母、朋友和妻子多種不同的身份，”他寫道。

This is downright irresponsible. I doubt if there is a single woman alive who has done all that, and by setting unreachable goals he is setting poor Ms Sprunk up for certain failure.

這話說得一點(diǎn)都不負(fù)責(zé)任。我懷疑在世的有哪個(gè)女人做到了所有這一切，斯普朗克先生設(shè)置了這么多不切實(shí)際的目標(biāo)，只會(huì)讓自己那可憐的女兒成為必然的失敗者。

From my British point of view, what I want for my sons and daughters alike is for them to be decent human beings, economically independent, and happy-ish. I think of my own mother who was not there for me digitally, but did teach me how to knit and how to write, both of which have proved jolly useful.

作為一個(gè)英國(guó)人，我對(duì)兒女們的期望就是，為人正派，經(jīng)濟(jì)獨(dú)立，并且快快樂樂。我想起我的母親，她沒有在網(wǎng)上陪過我，但卻教會(huì)我如何編織以及如何寫作，事實(shí)證明，這兩項(xiàng)技能都十分有趣實(shí)用。

As for what I have taught mine, 10 days ago I sat on a stage in London with one of my daughters at an event, also organised by Egon Zehnder.

再來說說我教會(huì)了我的孩子們些什么，前不久，我和我的一個(gè)女兒一同參加了一個(gè)也是由億康先達(dá)組織的活動(dòng)，我倆坐在倫敦的一個(gè)舞臺(tái)上。

She pointed out that having a loud-mouthed columnist for a mother was a mixed blessing. But she went on to say one thing that has made me very happy indeed. That I have taught her how to spot bullshit at 50 paces.

我女兒指出有一個(gè)胡吹亂侃的專欄作家老媽是件苦樂參半的事。不過她接著又說了一件事，讓我著實(shí)高興。那就是，我教會(huì)了她如何在50步開外分辨出實(shí)話和胡扯。