在家工作的意外插曲：“媽媽，來給我擦屁股！”
周五，韓國釜山國立大學(xué)(Pusan National University)政治學(xué)教授羅伯特·E·克利(Robert E. Kelly)坐在自家辦公室里，通過Skype接受《BBC世界新聞》(BBC World)關(guān)于一個(gè)嚴(yán)肅話題的采訪：樸槿惠(Park Geun-hye)總統(tǒng)的彈劾案。
Then his children burst in.
這時(shí)，他的孩子們沖了進(jìn)來。
Soon after the segment began, video footage shows, a toddler casually strolled into his office, punching the air with her elbows. She was soon followed by a baby in a walker. Then his wife slid frantically into the room, grabbed the two kids and herded them out as Professor Kelly remained mostly composed.
從視頻畫面上看，采訪環(huán)節(jié)開始后不久，一個(gè)幼兒揮舞著胳膊晃晃悠悠地走進(jìn)了他的辦公室。很快，一個(gè)推著學(xué)步車的嬰兒跟了進(jìn)來。然后，他的妻子慌亂地跑進(jìn)房間，抓住兩個(gè)孩子把她們拽了出去，克利教授基本上保持了鎮(zhèn)定。
Many readers said they could relate to the slapstick interruption of Professor Kelly’s serious moment, sharing stories of disruptions not only from kids, but pets and naked spouses, too.
很多讀者表示，克利的嚴(yán)肅時(shí)刻被打擾的鬧劇讓他們想起了自己被孩子、寵物或裸體伴侶打擾的經(jīng)歷，他們很愿意分享自己的這些故事。
Here is a selection of tales received on the website and Facebook page of The New York Times. Comments have been edited for length and clarity.
下面這些是《紐約時(shí)報(bào)》網(wǎng)站和Facebook頁面收集到的故事。出于篇幅和清晰表達(dá)的考慮，我們對這些故事進(jìn)行了編輯。
‘My Child Woke Up’
“我的孩子醒了”
I was on a long conference call with a colleague and some clients, calling in from home as I had a sick child sleeping in the next room. As a subject matter expert, I only had about five minutes of the call in which I actually had to speak, and everything seemed to be going along fine, until my child suddenly woke up, came looking for me to tell me that he felt sick and proceeded to vomit all over the stairs. Which coincided with my colleague asking me to provide the crucial information the client needed from my area of expertise.
我在家里跟一個(gè)同事和幾名客戶舉行一個(gè)長時(shí)間的電話會(huì)議，我那個(gè)正生病的孩子在隔壁房間睡覺。作為所涉問題的專家，我在那個(gè)會(huì)上只有大約五分鐘是需要講話的。一切似乎進(jìn)行得挺順利，直到我的孩子突然醒了，跑來告訴我，他覺得惡心，吐了一樓梯。當(dāng)時(shí)，我的同事正讓我從專業(yè)領(lǐng)域給客戶提供一些重要信息。
I took the phone off of mute and calmly said, “I’m sorry, my child has just thrown up on the stairs; can I have five minutes?” Client was very gracious, got my kid cleaned up and tucked back in bed then chimed back in acting every bit the total professional.
我把電話上的靜音關(guān)了，平靜地說，“對不起，我的孩子剛才在樓梯上吐了?？梢越o我五分鐘時(shí)間清理嗎?”客戶很寬容，我把孩子清理干凈，打發(fā)上床，然后以完全專業(yè)的姿態(tài)回到了會(huì)議中。
— DMC, Seattle
——DMC，西雅圖
‘Shoved the Pacifier in His Mouth’
“把安撫奶嘴塞到他嘴里”
As a playwright with a new production coming up, I was doing a telephone interview on live radio on the home phone. I thought my baby Sam was asleep in his crib when his deafening cries started. As the interviewer began his next question, I dropped the phone receiver, ran into Sam’s room, shoved the pacifier in his mouth, ran back to the phone and started answering a question I hadn’t heard, trying to use impressive sounding abstract theater jargon that might be applicable. I loved this video, and it made me and thousands of other worker parents feel less alone! 我是一名編劇，當(dāng)時(shí)有一部新戲正要出來，我在家里接受電臺(tái)的電話直播采訪。我以為我的寶寶山姆(Sam)在嬰兒床上睡覺，但他突然爆發(fā)出震耳欲聾的哭聲。主持人開始問下一個(gè)問題時(shí)，我放下話筒，跑進(jìn)山姆的房間，把安撫奶嘴塞到他嘴里，跑回電話旁，開始回答一個(gè)我根本沒聽見的問題，試圖用一些聽起來很厲害的抽象戲劇術(shù)語蒙混過關(guān)。我很喜歡這個(gè)視頻，它讓我以及其他成千上萬的職業(yè)父母感覺不只是自己遇到過這種情況!
— Joanna
——喬安娜
‘I Looked Up to See My 1-Year-Old Rolling Down the Stairs’ “我抬起頭，看見一歲的孩子從樓梯上滾了下來”
Once upon a time I was presenting our monthly numbers to the sales team when I heard a loud bang over and over. I looked up to see my 1-year-old rolling down the stairs with my wife chasing after her. She picked her up and raced back up the stairs. I continued with my presentation and never heard a cry. She logrolled and didn’t hurt herself at all, thankfully!
有一次，我正在向銷售團(tuán)隊(duì)匯報(bào)我們的每月數(shù)據(jù)，這時(shí)我聽到一聲巨響，然后接二連三又聽到好幾聲。我抬起頭，看見一歲的孩子從樓梯上滾了下來，妻子正在后面追她。她把孩子抱起來，飛快地爬上了樓梯。我繼續(xù)做我的報(bào)告，自始至終沒聽到一聲哭泣。她是側(cè)翻著下來的，完全沒有受傷，真是謝天謝地!
— Joe Grammatico, via Facebook
——喬·格拉馬蒂科(Joe Grammatico)，通過Facebook
‘The Candidate Had Locked His Children Out’
“候選人把他的孩子鎖門外了”
I am glad professor Kelly was not applying for a job. I was once a member of a panel hiring a school director. We were interviewing a candidate via Skype, and in the middle of it we could all hear a door being pounded. It turned out the candidate had locked his children out of his apartment in an attempt to have a quiet environment for his interview: The kids just couldn’t take it, and started banging the door. It was not a determinant factor in the hiring, but it did cause an impression, and I am afraid it was not positive.
我很慶幸克利教授當(dāng)時(shí)不是在應(yīng)聘。我曾是一個(gè)學(xué)?？偙O(jiān)招聘委員會(huì)成員。我們通過Skype面試一名候選人，在那個(gè)過程中，我們都能聽見有人在大聲敲門。原來，這名候選人把自己的孩子們鎖在了公寓外面，以便有一個(gè)安靜的面試環(huán)境：孩子們可不買賬，開始使勁敲門。那不是招聘中的一個(gè)決定性因素，但它的確給人造成了一種印象——我覺得不是好印象。
— RoseMarieDC, Washington, D.C.
——RoseMarieDC，華盛頓特區(qū)
‘Daddy, Whatcha Doing?’
“爸爸，你在干什么?”
This happens to me sometimes when I have to take a call and I’m working from home. My office door opens and I hear, “Daddy, whatcha doing?” Any shushing just prompts him to ask louder. I either put the phone on mute or ask if I can call the person later. Worse is when my two kids get into a screaming match.
我在家辦公必須打電話時(shí)，有時(shí)會(huì)發(fā)生這種情況。我的辦公室門被打開，我聽見孩子問，“爸爸，你在干什么?”我要是做出“噓”的手勢，他只會(huì)問得更大聲。我要么把電話靜音，要么詢問對方是否可以過一會(huì)兒再打。兩個(gè)孩子開始尖叫比賽時(shí)，情況更糟。
— Dhananjay Deshpande, via Facebook
——達(dá)南賈伊·德什潘德(Dhananjay Deshpande)，通過Facebook
‘The Interviewer’s Husband Walked Into the Frame Completely Nude’ “面試官的丈夫赤身裸體入畫”
I once had a Skype interview and, in the middle of the interview, the interviewer’s husband walked into the frame completely nude. I tried my best to keep a straight face while he figured out that I could see him. I’m not certain she knew I had just seen her husband, but we both pretended nothing happened and faked our way through the rest of the interview.
一次，我通過Skype面試，在面試過程中，面試官的丈夫赤身裸體走進(jìn)了畫面。當(dāng)他發(fā)現(xiàn)我能看見他時(shí)，我盡量繃著臉，沒笑出聲。我不確定她是否知道我剛才看見了她丈夫，但我們都假裝什么也沒發(fā)生，硬撐著完成了面試。
Needless to say, I did not get that job.
不用說，我沒得到那份工作。
— Tom, Chicago
——Tom，芝加哥
‘I HAVE LICE’
“我身上有虱子”
My mom likes to tell a story of taking me to work with her when I was little. I couldn’t go to school, but she had a deadline that couldn’t wait. She set me up in a conference room and told me to read and color quietly until she was done. Angry at being shut up all by myself, I made a sign saying, “I HAVE LICE” and taped it to the window of the conference room for all her co-workers to see. Kids are unpredictable.
我媽媽喜歡講我小時(shí)候她帶我去工作的一個(gè)故事。那次我不能去上學(xué)，但她有一個(gè)工作任務(wù)快到截止日期了，不能等。她把我安置在一間會(huì)議室里，讓我安靜地看書、涂色，等她完成工作。我很生氣她把我一個(gè)人關(guān)起來，于是做了一個(gè)牌子，上面寫道：“我身上有虱子”，我把它粘到會(huì)議室的窗戶上，好讓她所有的同事都能看見。孩子真是不可預(yù)測。
— Emily, Minneapolis
——Emily，明尼阿波利斯
‘He Began Rolling His Toy Trucks Over My Toes’
“他開始用玩具卡車碾我的腳趾”
When I was doing an important telephone interview at home for my newspaper, my youngest son decided I wasn’t paying enough attention to him, and after trying to get my attention and failing to do so, he began rolling his toy trucks over my toes. I can fully relate to this situation. I think it’s hilarious. It’s what comes with having kids.
我在家里為我的報(bào)紙進(jìn)行一次重要的電話采訪時(shí)，我的小兒子認(rèn)為我對他的關(guān)注不夠，在試圖引起我的注意而不起效后，他開始用玩具卡車碾我的腳趾。我完全能理解這種局面。我覺得非常好笑。這是養(yǎng)孩子的代價(jià)。
— Anne Amato, via Facebook
——安·阿馬托(Anne Amato)，通過Facebook
‘Mommy, Come Wipe Me!’
“媽媽，來給我擦屁股!”
Oh, this brings back memories. My favorite was when I was on a call with the executive team of the Fortune 500 health insurance company I worked for discussing health care reform when one of my children yelled from the bathroom, very loudly, “Mommy, come wipe me!”
哦，這喚醒了我的很多回憶。我最喜歡的故事是，有一次，我與當(dāng)時(shí)我工作的一家財(cái)富500強(qiáng)醫(yī)療保險(xiǎn)公司的管理層打電話，討論醫(yī)療改革的事，我的一個(gè)孩子在衛(wèi)生間里非常大聲地喊道，“媽媽，來給我擦屁股!”
— Ann Kuhns, Sacramento
——安·庫恩斯(Ann Kuhns)，薩克拉門托
‘My Toddler Decided to Take His Clothes Off’ “我年幼的孩子決定脫掉衣服”
I don’t work from home unless I’m on call. I once took a phone call and stepped outside to get some quiet. My toddler decided to take his clothes off and run around the front yard and then start down the street. So I chased a naked child for a few minutes before negotiating with him to put clothes on. I did a pretty good job of keeping the phone muted when I didn’t need to talk. Except for one time when I said: “O.K. fine, you can stay out here with me, but you have to put clothes on. At least shorts.”
我一般不在家工作，除非輪到我待命。有一次，我接到一個(gè)電話，我走到外面，想安靜點(diǎn)。我年幼的孩子決定脫掉衣服，在前院亂跑，然后跑到了大街上。所以我就追著一個(gè)赤身裸體的孩子跑了幾分鐘，然后我跟他商量，讓他穿上衣服。不需要說話時(shí)，我非常小心地把電話靜音。只有一次，在我說下面這句話時(shí)忘了靜音：“哦，好吧，你可以跟我一起待在外面，但你必須穿上衣服。至少穿短褲。”
— Gretal Kinney, via Facebook
——格雷特爾·金尼(Gretal Kinney)，通過Facebook
‘The Cats Show No Respect’
“貓才不管這些呢”
I am on the phone all morning while working from home. My talking puts my two dogs fast asleep, and other than the occasional snoring, they are quiet. The cats, however, show no respect. There is a piano just outside my work area, and during a call when I was training a group, the cat decided to jump up on the keyboard and slowly walk on the keys, playing his own tune. Luckily, everyone on the call enjoyed the show and we continued on after completion of the interlude.
我在家工作時(shí)一上午都在打電話。兩只狗狗聽著我的話很快就睡著了，除了偶爾打鼾，他們很安靜。而貓才不管這些呢。我的工作區(qū)域外有架鋼琴，在我通過電話培訓(xùn)一個(gè)小組時(shí)，貓決定跳上鍵盤，慢慢地在琴鍵上走動(dòng)，彈奏自己的曲子。幸運(yùn)的是，電話里的每個(gè)人都很喜歡這個(gè)節(jié)目，一曲終了后，我們繼續(xù)開會(huì)。
— Rigaudon, Connecticut
——Rigaudon，康涅狄格州
