這10句話一定不要對(duì)伴侶說(shuō)！

1. "You never do the dishes. You always just leave them sitting there."

1、“你從不洗餐具。你總是把它們留在那兒。”

Whatever the issue, using accusatory blanket terms like "never" and "always" tends to end the same way every time: with you and your boo engaged in an overblown argument.

無(wú)論問(wèn)題怎么樣，每次使用指責(zé)性措辭，如“從不”以及“總是”，常常會(huì)以同樣的方式結(jié)束：你和你的噓聲帶來(lái)過(guò)分的爭(zhēng)吵。

2. "You sound exactly like your mother."

2、“你聽(tīng)起來(lái)跟你媽媽一模一樣。”

When arguing, stick to the issue at hand and keep the focus on the two of you. Introducing nasty comparisons to your in-laws is unfair and ultimately a diversion from your problems.

爭(zhēng)吵時(shí)，就事論事，把注意力放在你們兩個(gè)人身上。拿姻親來(lái)進(jìn)行討厭的比較是不公平的，最終會(huì)偏離你們的問(wèn)題。

3. "You think you're better than everyone else!"

3、“你覺(jué)得自己比別人都好!”

Never put words in your partner's mouth. There's no way of knowing what someone is feeling or thinking, so keep the assumptions to yourself.

不要把話強(qiáng)加到你的伴侶身上。你沒(méi)有辦法了解某人的感受或想法，所以自己留著這些假設(shè)。

4. "Do I look like I've put on weight?"

4、“我看起來(lái)胖了嗎?”

Questions about weight or changes in looks are the "oldest grenades in the marriage script".

關(guān)于體重或外貌變化的問(wèn)題是“婚姻生活腳本中最陳舊的手榴彈”。

"What you really mean by asking this is, 'I know I've put on weight. I'm unhappy about how I look and I need you to say that you're OK with my current state.'"

“你問(wèn)這個(gè)問(wèn)題的真實(shí)意圖是什么，‘我知道我胖了。我對(duì)我的樣子感到不快，我需要你告訴我現(xiàn)在的樣子就很好。’”

5. "Have you put on a few pounds?"

5、“你胖了嗎?”

Blunt, negative remarks to your spouse about his or her appearance are out of line. Unconstructivecriticism of physical appearance is painful because you're suggesting that your partner isn't good enough.

對(duì)你配偶的外貌給出生硬又負(fù)面的評(píng)論是不禮貌的。對(duì)外貌給出非建設(shè)性的批評(píng)是令人不快的，因?yàn)槟阍诎凳灸愕陌閭H不夠好。

6. "You're a horrible parent, breadwinner, lover..."

6、“你是一個(gè)可怕的父母、謀生工具、情人……”

Put-downs centered around your spouse’s family or occupational roles are particularly cruel.

以你配偶的家庭或職業(yè)角色為中心的貶低行為非常殘忍。

Negative statements about our self-identities are devastating. These roles are so important and tender. When they're questioned, we feel completely torn down. It becomes hard to forget statements like this.

針對(duì)我們自我身份給出負(fù)面的評(píng)論是毀滅性的。這些角色那么重要、那么脆弱。當(dāng)它們被質(zhì)疑的時(shí)候，我們會(huì)覺(jué)得被完全摧毀了。想忘掉這樣的評(píng)論會(huì)很難。

7. "Ugh, I hate when you do that." (Said in front of friends or family.)

7、“唷!我不喜歡你那么做。”(當(dāng)著朋友或家人的面說(shuō)。)

Putting your spouse down in front of others is a huge no-no in a relationship. It causes resentment and a lack of trust.

在其他人面前貶低你的配偶是感情中的大禁忌。它會(huì)引起怨恨并會(huì)導(dǎo)致信任喪失。

8. "I barely know him — he's just someone I work with."

8、“我不大認(rèn)識(shí)他——他只是我的同事。”

It's almost inevitable that you or your partner will develop a small, innocent crush on someone at some point during your marriage. If that happens, be upfront about it. Don't try to sweep it under the rug with a statement that minimizes your feelings.

在婚姻中的某一時(shí)刻，你或你的伴侶幾乎不可避免地會(huì)對(duì)某個(gè)人產(chǎn)生輕微的、單純的好感。如果發(fā)生了這樣的事，誠(chéng)實(shí)地對(duì)待它。不要置之不理并試圖用一句話來(lái)最小化你的感覺(jué)。

9. "You shouldn't feel that way."

9、“你不應(yīng)該有這樣的感覺(jué)。”

There's nothing more belittling or condescending than telling your spouse what he should or shouldn't be feeling in any given situation.

在特定的情況下，沒(méi)有什么比告訴你的配偶他應(yīng)該或不應(yīng)該有什么樣的感覺(jué)更讓人覺(jué)得你輕視或居高臨下地對(duì)他了。

Try to understand your partner and be curious about his experience rather than dismissing what you don't understand.

試著理解你的伴侶，對(duì)他的經(jīng)歷感到好奇而不是對(duì)你不理解的事情不予理會(huì)。

10. "Don't wait up for me."

10、“不要熬夜等我了。”

This seemingly innocent remark suggests you're not going to bed at the same time, a habit that can be damaging to your relationship.

這種貌似無(wú)辜的言辭暗示你們不會(huì)同時(shí)上床睡覺(jué)，這是一個(gè)會(huì)傷害你們感情的習(xí)慣。