生活有時(shí)候困難得難以置信 只需做自己

Occasionally, life can be undeniably, impossiblydifficult. We are faced with challenges and eventsthat can seem overwhelming, life-destroying to thepoint where it may be hard to decide whether tokeep going. But you always have a choice. JessicaHeslop shares her powerful, inspiring journey fromthe worst times in her life to the new life she hascreated for herself:

生活有時(shí)候困難得難以置信，但又不容置疑。我們面臨的挑戰(zhàn)與困境似乎無(wú)法抵御，試圖毀滅我們生活，甚至使你猶疑是否繼續(xù)走下去。但是你總有選擇的余地。從人生低谷走向新生活的杰西卡·赫斯樂(lè)普，在這里與我們分享她啟迪心靈、充滿(mǎn)震撼力的生活之旅。

In 2012 I had the worst year of my life.

2012年是我生活中最艱難的一年。

I worked in a finance job that I hated and I lived in a concrete jungle city with little greenery. Ioccupied my time with meaningless relationships and spent copious quantities of money onsuperficialities. I was searching for happiness and had no idea where to find it.

我做著討厭的財(cái)務(wù)工作，住在難尋綠色的高樓林立的城市。我忙于無(wú)意義的交往，在一些膚淺表面的東西上大筆開(kāi)銷(xiāo)。我尋找快樂(lè)，卻又不知道它在哪里。

Then I fell ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and became virtually bed bound. I had toquit my job and subsequently was left with no income. I lived with my boyfriend of then only 3months who financially supported me and our relationship was put under great pressure. Ieventually regained my physical health, but not long after that I got a call from my family athome to say that my father’s cancer had fiercely progressed and that he had been admitted toa hospice.

然后我患上了慢性疲勞綜合癥，幾乎到了臥床不起的地步。我不得不辭掉工作，同時(shí)也就斷了財(cái)源。我和那時(shí)僅相處了3個(gè)月的男友住在一起，經(jīng)濟(jì)上完全依賴(lài)于他，我們的關(guān)系承受著巨大壓力。終于我恢復(fù)健康，但不久，我接到家里的電話(huà)，父親的癌癥急劇惡化，已經(jīng)住進(jìn)了臨終關(guān)懷中心。

I left the city and I went home to be with him.

我離開(kāi)了城市，回家陪父親。

He died 6 months later.

6個(gè)月之后，他去世了。

My father was a complete inspiration to me. He was always so strong that, for a minute afterhe drew his last breath, I honestly thought he would come back to life. I couldn’t believe I wouldnever again cuddle into his big warm chest and feel safe no matter what.

父親的事讓我徹底清醒。他一直很強(qiáng)壯，在他咽氣之后一分鐘里，我真的認(rèn)為，他會(huì)活過(guò)來(lái)。我不能相信，我再也不能依偎在他溫暖的懷抱里，享受他寬大的胸懷帶給我的安全感。

The grief that followed was intense for all of us 5 children and our mother, but we had eachother.

母親和我們5個(gè)兄弟姐妹極為難過(guò)，但至少我們還擁有彼此。

But my oldest sister at that time complained of a bad back. It got so bad after 2 months thatshe too was admitted to hospital.

但是，那時(shí)我大姐開(kāi)始抱怨著背痛，2個(gè)月后，因疼痛加劇也住進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。

They discovered that she had highly advanced cancer in her bones and that there was nothingthat they could do.

醫(yī)生們檢查發(fā)現(xiàn)，她已是骨癌晚期，對(duì)此他們已無(wú)能為力。

She died 1 month later.

1個(gè)月之后，她也走了。

I could never put into words the loss of my sister in my life.

大姐的逝去讓我陷入難以形容的痛苦之中。

She was a walking, talking angel and my favourite person in the whole world. If someone couldhave asked me the worst thing that could ever happen, it would have been losing her.

在這個(gè)世界上，她是一個(gè)能走路、會(huì)說(shuō)話(huà)的天使，我最喜歡的人。如果有人問(wèn)我，世界上發(fā)生的最壞的事情是什么，那就是失去她。

She was my soul-mate and I never thought I would journey this lifetime without her.

她是我的靈魂伴侶，我從來(lái)沒(méi)有想過(guò)，我會(huì)走過(guò)沒(méi)有她陪伴的生命旅程。

The Moment Of Deliberate Choice

抉擇時(shí)刻

The shock and extreme heart break brought me to my knees. The pain was so great and myworld just looked desolate. I had no real home, no money, no job, and no friends that cared.Not one person had even sent me a sympathy card for my loss.

我被打擊和極度的心痛擊挎了。強(qiáng)烈的痛苦使世界在我眼中變得如此凄涼。我沒(méi)有真正意義上的家，沒(méi)有錢(qián)，沒(méi)有工作，也沒(méi)有關(guān)心我的朋友。沒(méi)有一個(gè)人因我失去親人而寄給我慰問(wèn)卡。

I made an attempt of my own life and I ended up in hospital.

我嘗試著活下去，結(jié)果住進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。

I remember lying in the hospital bed, looking up at the ceiling and seeing my sister’s beautifulface. She stayed with me all night long.

我記得，躺在病床上，看著天花板，看到姐姐美麗的面龐。她整夜守候著我。

I realised during that night that I had a choice. I could choose to end my life or I could chooseto live it.

那天晚上，我意識(shí)到我可以選擇。要么結(jié)束生命，要么活下去。

I looked in my sister’s eyes and I made a decision not to go with her just yet. That I wouldstay and complete my journey here.

望著姐姐的眼睛，我決定不跟她走。我要留下來(lái)，走完我的生命旅程。

I also made the decision that, I wouldn’t just live any life. I would live the life that I absolutelyLOVE and nothing less.

同時(shí)，我還決定，不只為生活而生活，我要完全以自己想要的方式生活。

In that moment, the clarity that descended around me was like a light shining in a dark roomfor the first time. As if the earth’s plates had shifted under my feet and everything suddenlylooked real for the first time.

在那一刻，這一想法第一次清晰得如同一盞在黑暗閃爍的明燈。好像腳下的地球版塊變換了，每一樣?xùn)|西在我眼前都真實(shí)得前所未有。