如何在獨(dú)身旅行時(shí)交朋友 談戀愛(ài)

When you are traveling solo, it’s not always a breezeto strike up a conversation with a stranger.

獨(dú)自旅行時(shí)，與陌生人攀談并不總是那么容易。

In fact, how do you meet other single travelers orlocals in the first place? And if you’re looking forfriendship — or even something more — how do youensure that amid all the fun you don’t neglect totake safety precautions?

實(shí)際上，第一個(gè)問(wèn)題是：你如何遇到其他單身旅行者或當(dāng)?shù)厝?如果你想交個(gè)朋友——甚至談場(chǎng)戀愛(ài)——你怎么確保在享樂(lè)的同時(shí)沒(méi)有忽視安全防范?

Before we get to tactics, it’s helpful to know that you are likely to be rewarded for overcomingapprehensions about approaching someone new when you’re on the road.

在我們講述具體策略之前，知道下面這一點(diǎn)可能會(huì)對(duì)你有所幫助：在旅途中克服接近陌生人的恐懼很可能會(huì)給你帶來(lái)回報(bào)。

 

 

“Its easy to imagine all the ways things will go badly or believe that this person doesn’t want toconnect,” said Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of ChicagoBooth School of Business. But if you reach out, he continued, “almost everybody reachesback.”

“人們很容易去想像各種尷尬場(chǎng)面，或者認(rèn)為對(duì)方不想交談，”芝加哥大學(xué)布思商學(xué)院的行為科學(xué)教授尼古拉斯·埃普利(Nicholas Epley)說(shuō)。他繼續(xù)說(shuō)道，但是如果你主動(dòng)攀談，“幾乎所有人都會(huì)回應(yīng)”。

Social scientists have found that making such connections, whether traveling or not, boostshappiness, and yet strangers in proximity “routinely ignore each other,” as Dr. Epley and hiscolleague Juliana Schroeder put it in the Journal of Experimental Psychology last year. During aseries of nine experiments, they saw again and again that we underestimate other people’sinterest in connecting.

社會(huì)科學(xué)家們發(fā)現(xiàn)，不管在旅行中還是平時(shí)，進(jìn)行這樣的交往能增加幸福感，不過(guò)就像埃普利博士和同事朱莉安娜·施羅德(Juliana Schroeder)去年在《實(shí)驗(yàn)心理學(xué)雜志》上說(shuō)的那樣，離得很近的陌生人“通常會(huì)忽略彼此”。在一系列九個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn)中，他們一再發(fā)現(xiàn)，我們低估了其他人的交往興趣。

How to break the ice then? Dr. Epley suggests simply saying to that stranger on the bus or inthe cafe: “Hi, I’m visiting. Can you tell me what I ought to see in town?”

那么如何打破沉默呢?埃普利博士建議，只用在公交車上或咖啡館里對(duì)陌生人簡(jiǎn)單地說(shuō)：“嗨，我正在旅行。你能告訴我城里有哪些地方一定得去看看嗎?”

“Everybody loves to brag about their city,” he said.

“誰(shuí)都喜歡吹捧自己所在的城市，”他說(shuō)。

Or offer a compliment, he suggested. “I think you’re just best off in your relationships if you’retransparent with people.” (This is not to gloss over any genuine concerns about talking tostrangers, Dr. Epley said. But we’ll address those in a bit.)

他的另一個(gè)建議是贊美對(duì)方。“我覺(jué)得，只要你真誠(chéng)待人，就一定會(huì)在人際交往中如魚得水。”(埃普利博士說(shuō)，這么說(shuō)不是為了掩飾與陌生人交談的真正隱患。不過(guò)我們一會(huì)兒再討論那些問(wèn)題。)

As experienced solo travelers know, opportunities for pleasurable connections areeverywhere: trains, planes, parks, bars, museums, walking tours, group hikes. Yet should allthat fail, technology provides seemingly innumerable ways to increase the odds. Obviouslydating websites and apps like OkCupid and Tinder can facilitate in-person get-togethersaround the world. Yet the travel industry has its own tools, designed not specifically forromance, but for friendship.

經(jīng)驗(yàn)豐富的單身旅行者都知道，到處都有跟人愉快交往的機(jī)會(huì)：火車上、飛機(jī)上、公園里、酒吧里、博物館里、徒步游覽或集體遠(yuǎn)足時(shí)。但是如果這些都沒(méi)給你帶來(lái)機(jī)會(huì)，那么科技似乎能給你提供無(wú)數(shù)交往機(jī)會(huì)。顯然，OkCupid和Tinder這樣的交友網(wǎng)站和應(yīng)用程序?yàn)樵谑澜绺鞯禺?dāng)面聚會(huì)提供了便利。但是旅游業(yè)也有自己的工具，不是專為戀愛(ài)設(shè)計(jì)的，而是為友誼設(shè)計(jì)的。

I’ve previously written about some of these websites and apps, including Highlight and Planely.The app Skout enables travelers to meet locals or one another wherever they are, be it aconcert in London or a soccer game in Barcelona. More recently there’s Tripr, which allowstravelers to find others who will be in the same place. But if you’re seeking a like-mindedcompanion, a couple of veteran sites deserve another look.

我之前寫過(guò)這樣一些網(wǎng)站和應(yīng)用程序，包括Highlight和Planely。應(yīng)用程序Skout能讓旅行者與當(dāng)?shù)厝嘶蚱渌慰拖嗑?mdash;—不管是在倫敦的一場(chǎng)音樂(lè)會(huì)上，還是巴塞羅那的一場(chǎng)足球賽上。Tripr是一款較新的應(yīng)用程序，它能讓將去同一個(gè)地方的旅行者找到彼此。但是如果你想尋找志同道合的旅伴，有幾個(gè)老網(wǎng)站值得你再去看看。

Unlike a lot of start-ups aimed at connecting travelers, Couchsurfing.com was founded in 2004and has grown to some nine million members. You may know it as the purview of frugaltravelers who see the world by sleeping on the couches and air mattresses of strangers, but it’salso a great way to meet other solo travelers and locals — even if you don’t crash on theircouches. Some 120,000 cities worldwide offer weekly Couchsurfing art gallery tours, hikes,dinners or gatherings in coffee shops and bars. (Becoming a member of the site is free.)

與很多旨在把旅行者聯(lián)系在一起的新應(yīng)用程序不同，Couchsurfing.com成立于2004年，已擁有約900萬(wàn)會(huì)員。你可能以為它只是給窮游者用的，他們通過(guò)在陌生人家的沙發(fā)或充氣床墊上過(guò)夜來(lái)游覽世界，但實(shí)際上它也是結(jié)識(shí)其他單身旅行者和當(dāng)?shù)厝说暮棉k法——即便你不在他們的沙發(fā)上睡覺(jué)。全世界約有12萬(wàn)個(gè)城市每周都舉辦Couchsurfing藝術(shù)館參觀、遠(yuǎn)足活動(dòng)、咖啡館和酒吧聚餐或聚會(huì)(你可以免費(fèi)成為該網(wǎng)站的會(huì)員)。

In addition to joining events, you can also reach out to other members who have set their“hosting availability” status to “wants to meet up,” meaning that while their couch isunavailable, they’re happy to meet for coffee or be a resource while you’re visiting their city.

除了參加這些活動(dòng)，你還可以聯(lián)系那些把“招待”狀態(tài)設(shè)定為“想會(huì)面”的會(huì)員，意思是雖然他們不提供沙發(fā)，但他們很樂(lè)意跟你一起喝個(gè)咖啡，或者在你去他們所在的城市旅行時(shí)為你指點(diǎn)一二。

Another digital stalwart is VirtualTourist.com, which offers tips and reviews from fellow globetrekkers and has been around since 1999. That means you’ll find a true online community, adeep well of people with whom to interact. Members have profiles that may include photos, theirhometown, travel interests and where they’ve been. Each member’s travel tips are tied to his orher profile, and should you like what you read or have questions, you can message the user.Who knows, maybe you’ll even get together offline. Once you’re on the ground in a city, youcan meet dozens of people at once by attending a cocktail hour, group run, or tour through theworldwide events site Meetup.com.

另一個(gè)資深網(wǎng)站是1999年創(chuàng)建的VirtualTourist.com，它提供全球旅行者的小貼士和評(píng)論。那意味著你將找到一個(gè)真正的在線社區(qū)，遇到一大群可以交流的人。會(huì)員檔案可能包括照片、故鄉(xiāng)、旅行興趣和去過(guò)的地方。每個(gè)會(huì)員的旅行貼士都是和他/她的檔案連在一起的。如果你看到喜歡的內(nèi)容或者有些疑問(wèn)，可以給那個(gè)用戶發(fā)消息。誰(shuí)知道呢，你們也許甚至?xí)诰€下見(jiàn)面。你每到一個(gè)城市，只要參加全球活動(dòng)網(wǎng)站Meetup.com組織的雞尾酒會(huì)、集體跑步或游覽，就能一下子遇到幾十個(gè)人。

While meeting someone new is exciting and can be deeply fulfilling, such overtures must bebalanced with safety measures. Even Couchsurfing, which refers to strangers as “friends youhaven’t met yet,” has a page devoted to safety, warning members to trust their instincts (“If aperson, situation or profile seems unsafe for any reason, move on. Don’t worry about seemingrude”) and know their limits (“Partying like a rock star might be fun, but it puts your safety andwell-being in the hands of others”). For women, especially, the site advises being educatedabout your destination’s cultural and religious norms and to “be clear about your boundariesand don’t be shy about stating them.”

雖然結(jié)識(shí)新朋友令人興奮，讓人很有成就感，但同時(shí)也要注意安全。Couchsurfing網(wǎng)站把陌生人稱為“你尚未見(jiàn)面的朋友”，甚至連它也有個(gè)頁(yè)面專門講述安全問(wèn)題，提醒會(huì)員相信自己的直覺(jué)(“如果某個(gè)人、某種情況或者某人的檔案因?yàn)槿魏卧蜃屇阌X(jué)得不安全，那么趕緊離開(kāi)。不要擔(dān)心自己顯得很粗魯”)，知道自己的底線(“在派對(duì)上像搖滾明星那樣玩可能很有趣，但也會(huì)把你的安全和健康置于他人手中”)。該網(wǎng)站特別建議女性了解目的地的文化和宗教習(xí)慣，“清楚自己的底線，不要羞于表明自己的態(tài)度”。

At the same time, Dr. Epley said most people are not interested in taking advantage of you. “The person who wants to take advantage of you wants to find you immediately,” heexplained. It’s different when you’re the one who decides to initiate a conversation. “Whenthere’s random selection, you don’t have that risk of being targeted,” he said.

不過(guò)，埃普利博士說(shuō)，大部分人沒(méi)興趣占你的便宜。“想占你便宜的人會(huì)立刻找上你，”他解釋說(shuō)。而當(dāng)你是主動(dòng)攀談的那個(gè)人時(shí)，情況就不同了。“如果是隨機(jī)選擇，你就沒(méi)有被盯上的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)，”他說(shuō)。

Solo travelers are often told to keep friends and loved ones informed about where they’regoing and when (including the time they expect to return), know which neighborhoods toavoid, and learn local emergency numbers. Additionally, consider registering with the nearestUnited States Embassy or consulate at Step.state.gov/step. This allows the embassy to reachyou in an emergency (natural disaster, civil unrest) and family and friends to contact you ifthere’s an emergency.

單身旅行者大多都知道，要讓朋友和愛(ài)人知道自己的目的地和到達(dá)時(shí)間(包括期望返回的時(shí)間)，要知道提防哪些鄰居，要知道當(dāng)?shù)氐膽?yīng)急號(hào)碼。另外，你可以考慮在Step.state.gov/step上向最近的美國(guó)大使館或領(lǐng)事館進(jìn)行登記。這樣，大使館可以在緊急情況(自然災(zāi)害、社會(huì)動(dòng)亂)下通知你，你的家人和朋友也可以通過(guò)大使館聯(lián)系你。

You may also want to memorize words such as “help,” “police” and “fire” in the local language,and have a plan for how you’ll get back to your hotel anytime you’re out after dark. If you are ina place where there’s no mass transit or if mass transit is not safe at night, have the numberof a taxi service with you. If you use Uber, make sure the photo of the driver that appears onthe app matches the face of the person who picks you up. Also, the Uber app has a “Share myETA” option that allows you to send someone your whereabouts and estimated arrival time. (Before I even get into a car I send the driver’s name, car make and my destination to a friendor family member.)

你可能也需要記住用當(dāng)?shù)卣Z(yǔ)言怎么說(shuō)“救命”、“警察”和“失火啦”，想好天黑后如何返回酒店。如果你去的地方?jīng)]有公共交通工具，或者公共交通在晚上不安全，隨身帶上一家出租車公司的電話號(hào)碼。如果你用Uber打車，要看清來(lái)接你的人和應(yīng)用程序上司機(jī)的照片是否相符。Uber應(yīng)用程序也有“分享我的預(yù)計(jì)到達(dá)時(shí)間”這個(gè)選項(xiàng)，你可以把你的行蹤和預(yù)計(jì)到達(dá)時(shí)間發(fā)給某個(gè)朋友(我甚至在上車前就把司機(jī)姓名、車的品牌和目的地發(fā)給一個(gè)朋友或家人)。

The fear of strangers has deep evolutionary roots. Do not, Dr. Epley said, disregard yourintuition. “Our research does not suggest that you should talk to everybody that you meet orthat you should have the volume turned up to 11 in all your social interactions,” he said. It’sjust that for most of us, “the dial for engaging others seems set a little too low. Nudge it up.”

對(duì)陌生人的恐懼有深刻的進(jìn)化根源。埃普利博士說(shuō)，不要忽視你的直覺(jué)。他說(shuō)，“我們的研究并不是建議你與所有遇到的人攀談，或者在所有社會(huì)交往中過(guò)度投入”，只是我們大多數(shù)人“與他人交往的信心似乎有點(diǎn)不足。鼓起勇氣!”