研究：走出分手陰影僅需11周

A new study, aimed at discovering the positive effects of break-ups, has suggested it takes three months to get over a relationship falling apart.

一項致力于尋找分手積極作用的新研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，三個月的時間可以使人從一段破裂的感情中走出來。

Research published in US magazine, The Journal of Positive Psychology, found that it takes 11 weeks to feel the beneficial effects of a relationship split.

這項研究刊登于美國雜志《積極心理學(xué)》學(xué)刊，發(fā)現(xiàn)分手后11周人們會感受到積極效果。

This follows previous findings that it could take up to six months to be able to move on.

此前有研究稱人們分手六個月后才能恢復(fù)正常生活。

Gary Lewandowski and Nicole Bizzoco of Monmouth University, New Jersey, questioned 155 people who had been through a break-up in the last six months.

新澤西州蒙莫斯大學(xué)的蓋里·萊萬多夫斯基(Gary Lewandowski)和尼克爾·比佐科(Nicole Bizzoco)詢問了155個在過去六個月內(nèi)分手的人。

They found that 71 per cent of people began to see the positives in the split in just a short period of time.

他們發(fā)現(xiàn)71%的人在短時間內(nèi)就已經(jīng)開始看到分手的積極影響。

Those who've made it through the initial three months after a break are described as having left 'the recovery zone', a period of painful adjustment and healing.

三個月內(nèi)走出陰影的被認為是擺脫了“恢復(fù)期”，這是一段充滿痛苦和治愈的時期。

Lewandowski and Bizzoco found that people started to feel better about themselves and developed strong coping strategies beyond the 11 week mark.

萊萬多夫斯基和比佐科發(fā)現(xiàn)11周后人們開始感覺良好并且變積極應(yīng)對。

However, this research may only apply to short term relationships. A different study that questioned how long it would take couples to get over a divorce found the time frame was significantly longer.

然而，這一研究只適用于短期關(guān)系。另一項夫妻需多久走出離婚陰影的研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，這需要比11周長很多的時間。

Dating site Fifties.com found that it takes an average of 18 months to get over a marriage breakdown, which is six times longer than Lewandowski and Bizzoco's estimate.

交友網(wǎng)站Fifties.com發(fā)現(xiàn)，婚姻破裂后人們平均需要18個月來恢復(fù)，是萊萬多夫斯基和比佐科預(yù)計的六倍。

This may be because a marriage is considered a more serious commitment. Of those questioned by the website one in six said they found it hard to deal with the feelings of failure.

這也許是因為婚姻更為嚴肅，該網(wǎng)站調(diào)查的人中，有六分之一表示他們難以面對失敗的感覺。

And while 43 per cent of people said that they felt a sense of relief when their divorce came through 31 per cent said that they still felt a sense of sadness.

43%的人表示自己離婚后感覺到了解脫，31%的人會感到沮喪。

HOW TO GET OVER A SHOCK BREAK-UP

如何走出分手陰影

If you find yourself suddenly alone, don't despair. Relationship expert and self help guru Dr Pam Spurr gives her tips for healing the heartache...

如果你突然覺得孤獨，不要失望，戀愛專家和自助專家帕姆·斯普爾(Pam Spurr)博士給出了治療心痛的意見：

1. Don't blame yourself

不要自責(zé)

Remind yourself regularly that the relationship ended because your partner had the problem with communicating, which was nothing to do with you. You were willing and able to talk about your problems but your partner couldn't deal with that... which is their loss.

經(jīng)常提醒自己，你們關(guān)系的終結(jié)是由于對方不善于溝通，與你無關(guān)。你愿意與對方探討自己的問題，但他無力解決，這是他的損失。

2. Take up something new

找些新樂子

It's important that it's completely unrelated to your ex, and even better if it's something they didn't want you to do! So many people who've had these sort of break-ups keep doing the same things they did with their ex, which just increases their pain. Leave those things until much later, when the pain of the break-up has faded.

這些事必須與你的前任毫無關(guān)系，最好是他不愿讓你做的事!很多人分手后做著和從前一樣的事，這只會徒增痛苦，把那些事留到以后做吧，直到分手的痛苦消失。

3. Date for fun

為了開心去約會

Now's not the time to look for another meaningful relationship. Enjoy your friends, go out with interesting people, but put all thoughts of a replacement relationship out of your mind.

現(xiàn)在不是找新伴侶的時候，享受友誼，和有趣的人外出，但是不考慮尋找新的另一半。

4. Don't be a relationship bore

不要不停訴苦

Spend more time with your friends and family by all means, but try not to keep going over the break-up with them again and again. Much as they love you and want you to be happy, even they can't be expected to stick around if you're constantly going over the same ground. You need your friends, so don't scare them away!

多花些時間陪伴家人和朋友，不要一再訴說分手的痛苦。他們愛你，希望你開心，不想聽到你不停訴苦。你需要朋友，所以不要嚇走他們。

5. Work on your 'I don't care' attitude

保持“我不在乎”的態(tài)度

Even if you do still deeply care about your ex, with practise this will really help speed up your recovery. Focus on all the annoying things they used to do; try and decide what used to irritate you the most. Soon you'll be amazed to find you really don't care any more.

即使你很在意你的前任，“我不在乎”的態(tài)度也可以幫助你快速恢復(fù)。關(guān)注他們所做的一切惹人煩的事情，選擇一件最能激怒你的，很快你就會發(fā)現(xiàn)你不在乎。