情侶間常犯的7個(gè)溝通問(wèn)題

7 Communication Mistakes Most Couples Make

情侶間常犯的7個(gè)溝通問(wèn)題

Being half of a couple can be difficult, even if you’re head-over-heels in love. Communicating with your honey can get touchy, because both of you have different thoughts, opinions, emotions and histories. Check out this list and see what common communication mistakes most couples make, so you can eliminate them from your own relationship.

處對(duì)象不是件易事，即便你沉溺愛(ài)河無(wú)法自拔。愛(ài)人間的溝通有時(shí)會(huì)很敏感，因?yàn)閮扇擞兄煌乃枷?、觀點(diǎn)、情感和過(guò)往。看看這個(gè)列表上多數(shù)情侶常犯的溝通問(wèn)題，以便在戀愛(ài)時(shí)引以為鑒。

1. Assuming that more communication is the solution.

認(rèn)為說(shuō)得多就能解決問(wèn)題

Believe it or not, there is such thing as too much communication. Have you ever discussed or argued your point so much that you start saying everything that comes to mind? Sometimes those things that come to mind aren’t the best to come from your mouth… But this happens because you’re talking so much that you’re saying things just to hold your own in the conversation. This is how you know you’re communicating too much. Sometimes you need to keep things to yourself, and while this doesn’t mean hiding things from your partner, it means picking your words carefully and saying just what needs to be said to resolve the issue at hand.

無(wú)論你信不信，話太多就是個(gè)問(wèn)題。你有沒(méi)有過(guò)多地為你的觀點(diǎn)而討論或爭(zhēng)執(zhí)，以至于什么事都隨著性子說(shuō)?有時(shí)心里想的并非就是最適合表達(dá)出來(lái)的...但往往這就因?yàn)槟愕脑捥啵圆艜?huì)在為自己據(jù)理力爭(zhēng)時(shí)說(shuō)錯(cuò)話。這個(gè)就是溝通超出范圍的表現(xiàn)。有時(shí)你需要有所保留，但并不意味著要你瞞著另一半，而是指在處理手頭之事時(shí)仔細(xì)斟酌你的話，只需說(shuō)出能解決問(wèn)題的就行。

2. Expecting your partner to read your mind.

期望對(duì)方讀懂你的想法

You don’t want to communicate too much, but you also don’t want to bite your tongue and expect your partner to know what you’re thinking. If you’re waiting for someone to read your mind, you’re never going to feel like an equal in the relationship. You need to say what you’re thinking and feeling, just make sure your partner understands that these are your emotions and opinions, not something you’re forcing on them.

你不愿意過(guò)多交流，但你也不要只字不提就指望對(duì)方懂你的想法。若你只等待別人來(lái)懂你，那你將永遠(yuǎn)感受不到戀愛(ài)時(shí)的平等。所以你需要將你所想、所感表達(dá)出來(lái)，讓對(duì)方能夠理解你的情感和觀點(diǎn)，而不是強(qiáng)迫對(duì)方接受。

3. Giving in without saying what you think.

什么都不說(shuō)就放棄

Don’t roll over and give up everything you’re thinking just to resolve the problem at hand. Your partner can’t win every time, and you need to make sure you’re letting your feelings be known and getting what you need from the relationship, too. If you never say what you think because you’re trying to keep the peace, you’ll find that over time you’re actually holding a grudge and resenting your partner because you’re unhappy in the relationship.

在處理問(wèn)題的時(shí)候，不要拖沓，也不要放棄表達(dá)想法。你的愛(ài)人不會(huì)每次都能猜透你，所以你需要確定對(duì)方知道你的感受，同時(shí)你也要從戀愛(ài)中得到你想要的。如果只為了和平就掩埋了你的想法，久而久之你就會(huì)覺(jué)得自己充滿怨恨并厭惡對(duì)方，因?yàn)槟阍趹賽?ài)中不快樂(lè)。

4. Harping on hopeless issues.

對(duì)無(wú)望之事喋喋不休

It’s easy to bring up fights from the past, or nag your partner for things in their history, or things they believe or do differently from you. This is always a bad choice, though. It changes nothing, and it makes you look like you’re never going to let anything go. Be the type of person who can get over a fight when it’s resolved, and not bring it up in each fight that follows. “Live in the moment” sounds like silly advice when you’re in the middle of an argument, but it’s something that needs to be done so you’re not prolonging every fight you have.

過(guò)去的事能夠輕而易舉引發(fā)爭(zhēng)吵，而對(duì)方的曾經(jīng)或他們與你背道而馳的行為想法也會(huì)讓你碎碎念。這同樣是個(gè)愚蠢的表現(xiàn)。嘮叨無(wú)濟(jì)于事，這只會(huì)顯得你對(duì)一切都無(wú)法釋?xiě)选Ｒ鲞@樣的人，不為已了之事煩憂，亦不為未了之事憂愁。當(dāng)你們爭(zhēng)得面紅耳赤時(shí)，“活在當(dāng)下”聽(tīng)起來(lái)蠢透了，但這是需要踐行的，唯有這樣爭(zhēng)吵才不會(huì)愈演愈烈。

5. Not understanding what is really being said.

不明白對(duì)方真正表達(dá)的意思

Some couples find it helpful to summarize each others’ points. Sounds like something you’d do for a high school paper, right? It’s actually a really good way to make sure you understand each other! After your partner shares their thoughts, summarize by saying “It sounds like you’re happy with X, but need Y to change to feel like the relationship is moving forward.” Your partner can then clarify if needed. If you got it right, then you can start explaining your thoughts on the issue.

有情侶發(fā)現(xiàn)總結(jié)對(duì)方的觀點(diǎn)能起到作用。聽(tīng)起來(lái)像是在做高中作業(yè)，對(duì)吧?但這真的是明白對(duì)方的好方法!每當(dāng)對(duì)方分享了他們的想法時(shí)，你可以這樣總結(jié)“聽(tīng)起來(lái)你對(duì)X很滿意，而Y就需要為增進(jìn)感情改變一下了。”如果需要的話，你的愛(ài)人就會(huì)具體說(shuō)明了。要是你分析對(duì)了，那么你也可以就此繼續(xù)表達(dá)你的想法。

6. Thinking about your rebuttal instead of listening.

老想著反駁而不是傾聽(tīng)

It’s ok to admit — most of us go into a fight knowing what points we want to make, how we want the other person to feel, and what we want for “winning”. This is a bad attitude to have, though, because any discussion should have at least two sides to be fair. But when you know exactly what you want to say, you often think about that instead of listening to what the other person is saying. Don’t just focus on the first few words your partner says — listen to their whole statement, take a moment to absorb it, and then think about what you want to say in a return.

承認(rèn)這點(diǎn)沒(méi)什么-我們多數(shù)人都會(huì)為了堅(jiān)持己見(jiàn)、控制他人感受、“贏得”立場(chǎng)而挑起爭(zhēng)吵。這種態(tài)度很惡劣，因?yàn)槊繄?chǎng)討論至少應(yīng)該有兩方參加才算公平。可一旦你清楚知道自己想要表達(dá)什么的時(shí)候，通常你都會(huì)護(hù)著那個(gè)想法，而非去傾聽(tīng)對(duì)方。也不要逮著對(duì)方開(kāi)頭的只字片語(yǔ)不放-要傾聽(tīng)他們的全部訴說(shuō)，再好好地吸收，最后思量著怎樣回應(yīng)。

7. Not considering the other’s point of view.

不考慮對(duì)方的觀點(diǎn)

Everyone is different, and you know your partner intimately. You know how they think about things, how certain words or situations make them feel. Don’t forget all of this just to win an argument. Take your partner’s feelings, opinions and background into consideration when you communicate. You can sidestep a lot of fights and hurt feelings by being considerate this way.

每個(gè)人都不盡相同，而你也熟知愛(ài)人的全部。你知道他們看待事情的方式，也知道他們對(duì)某些話語(yǔ)和情景的感受。不要只為了贏得爭(zhēng)論就將這些遺忘。當(dāng)你們?cè)诮涣鲿r(shí)，你要考慮到對(duì)方的感受、觀點(diǎn)以及背景。做到這點(diǎn)，你們就可以免去許多爭(zhēng)吵和傷害。