成長教育：從戀愛開始

導讀：大學教給每一個學生的不僅僅是專業(yè)知識，更多的是一種成長教育。步入大學校園，你要親自打理人際關(guān)系、情感以及生活的方方面面，一切先從戀愛這一課開始吧!

Zhou Qifei, 19, a freshman English major at Beijing Technology and Business University, is struggling with more than just fitting into her new environment on campus.

19歲周琪菲(音譯)是就讀于北京工商大學英語專業(yè)的大一新生，除了努力適應校園新環(huán)境外，她似乎有更多的煩心事要解決。

On Valentine’s Day an upperclassman she had only recently met unexpectedly gave her a rose and hinted that he would like her to be his girlfriend. The romantic move confused Zhou.

情人節(jié)那天，她意外地收到了剛認識不久的學長送來的玫瑰，這是個求愛信號。這樣浪漫的舉動卻令周琪菲感到困惑。

“It’s really agitating me. I’m not ready to say yes now, but I also don’t want to lose his friendship,” she said. “I don’t know how to deal with this.”

“這讓我很糾結(jié)。我沒準備好接受他的追求，但我又不想失去這個朋友，”她說，“我真不知該怎么辦。”

But Zhou isn’t alone with her worries. A recent survey released by Mycos Group, a consultancy, reveals that nearly 30 percent of first-year students at Chinese universities are perplexed when it comes to romantic relationships. About half of the respondents stated a “lacking ability to communicate” as a major obstacle to romantic relationships.

為情感而焦慮的不止周琪菲一人。根據(jù)麥可思咨詢公司最近的一項調(diào)查顯示，中國30%的大學新生遭遇戀愛難題。近一半的受訪者表示在戀情中的主要絆腳石是“不善溝通”。

Lei Wuming, a professor in psychology at Wuhan University of Technology, explained that students are overwhelmed by their studies in high school.

武漢理工大學心理學教授雷五明解釋說，這是因為學生們的高中生活完全被學業(yè)主導。

“So when they arrive on campus, they find themselves at a loss about how to deal with relationships,” he told Wuhan Metro.

他在接受《武漢晨報》采訪時說：“因此當他們步入大學，處理情感問題時，便不知所措。”

Some are inarticulate when they develop a love interest toward the opposite sex, and many male students are bashful about confessing their feelings for a girl.

有些學生在面對愛慕對象時不善言辭，很多男生羞于承認自己對某位女生的好感。

“Seize the chance when there are sparks of love. The trick is to use more subtle ways of communication, such as chatting on QQ or sending gifts to show your interest,” Lei said. “Timing is also important.”

“一旦擦出愛的火花，就要把握時機。訣竅就在于利用更巧妙的辦法來溝通感情，比如聊QQ或者送個小禮物表露心跡，”雷教授說，“時機也很關(guān)鍵。”

But those who have already found love often have even worse communication problems, especially for those in a long-distance relationship.

但那些已心有所屬的人卻常常面臨著更加嚴重的溝通問題，尤其是對那些異地戀人來說。

Sun Xiaolin, a freshman majoring in English at Nanjing University, has been in a relationship since high school. But on graduating, his girlfriend enrolled at Peking University. “Since each of us is occupied with different things in a new environment, we’re not always on the same wavelength,” he said.

南京大學英語專業(yè)大一學生孫笑臨(音譯)和女友自高中便在一起了。但高中畢業(yè)后，他女朋友考上了北大。他說：“因為我們到了新環(huán)境后，都忙著各自的事情，就少了許多共同語言。”

Many are cautious about starting a relationship. Xu Tianyi, 19, a finance management freshman at Hubei University of Technology said she’s witnessed many arguments between couples on campus. “It could make me unhappy and stop me from enjoying life on campus,” she said.

很多人對談戀愛都持謹慎態(tài)度。就讀于湖北工業(yè)大學財務管理專業(yè)大一年級、19歲的徐天逸(音譯)表示在校園里目睹了太多情侶間的爭吵。“這會令我感到不開心，也會妨礙我盡情享受校園生活，”她說。

The report also suggests that freshmen are reluctant to talk about their relationship problems, because they consider it a private issue. “Universities are providing more guidance to students such as offering courses on relationship management,” said Gong Linyan, a student advisor at Nanjing University’s Law School. “Romantic relationships can have a big impact on student’s lives.”

調(diào)查報告還顯示，大一新生們不愿談論感情問題，因為他們認為這是私事。“現(xiàn)在各大高校都在為學生提供更多的指導，比如開設(shè)情感管理課程，”南京大學法學院的學生輔導員龔林燕(音譯)說，“戀愛會對學生的生活產(chǎn)生巨大的影響。”

Ye Chao, a student administrator at Wenzhou University’s City College, said that love can teach students an important lesson about interpersonal relationships. “Many students lack tolerance toward others as they’re used to putting themselves first,” he said. “Love can teach them to put themselves in others’ shoes and treat them with respect.”

溫州大學城市學院負責學生管理的老師葉超(音譯)表示，戀愛可以教會學生如何去經(jīng)營人際關(guān)系。“因為習慣于把自己放在首位，很多學生缺乏對他人的包容，”他說，“戀愛可以教會他們?nèi)绾翁鎰e人著想并尊重他人。”