雙語·《刀鋒》 第一章 十

CHAPTER ONE 10
第一章 十

A couple of days later I went to say good-bye to Mrs. Bradley and Elliott.I found them sitting over a cup of tea.Isabel came in shortly after me.We talked about my approaching journey, I thanked them for their kindness to meduring my stay in Chicago and after a decent interval got up to go.
過了兩三天，我去向布雷德利夫人和艾略特辭行，碰到他們正在喝茶。不大一會兒，伊莎貝爾也走了進來。接下來，大家以我的行程為題目交談了幾句。隨后，我對他們表示感謝，感謝他們對我在芝加哥逗留期間盛情的招待。就這么坐了不長不短的一段時間，我便起身告辭了。

“I'll walk with you as far as the drugstore，”said Isabel.“I've just remembered there's something I want to get.”
“我陪你走到藥店那兒，”伊莎貝爾說，“我剛想起有點東西要買?！?/p>

The last words Mrs. Bradley said to me were，“You will give my love to dear Queen Margherita the next time you see her, won't you?”
分別時，布雷德利夫人對我說的最后一句話是：“你下次看見親愛的瑪格麗達王后時，替我向她表示敬意，好嗎？”

I had given up disclaiming any acquaintance with that august lady and answered glibly that I would be sure to.
這次，我沒有否認自己認識那位高貴的夫人，而是爽快地答應(yīng)一定做到。

When we got into the street Isabel gave me a sidelong smiling glance.
我和伊莎貝爾來到大街上，她笑吟吟地用眼角的余光看了看我。

“D'you think you could drink an ice-cream soda?”she asked me.
“去喝一杯冰淇淋蘇打水，能喝得慣嗎？”她問我。

“I could try，”I answered prudently.
“喝喝看吧?！蔽蚁肓讼胝f。

Isabel did not speak till we reached the drugstore, and I, having nothing to say, said nothing. We went in and sat at a table on chairs with twisted wire backs and twisted wire legs.They were very uncomfortable.I ordered two ice-cream sodas.There were a few people at the counters buying；two or three couples were seated at other tables, but they were busy with their own concerns；and to all intents and purposes we were alone.I lit a cigarette and waited while Isabel with every appearance of satisfaction sucked at a long straw.I had a notion that she was nervous.
一路上，伊莎貝爾再也沒說話，我肚子里沒有話，也就沉默著。到了藥店走進去，我們撿一張桌子坐下，椅背和椅子腿都用鐵條扭成，坐著怪不舒服的。我點了兩杯冰淇淋蘇打水。柜臺那兒有幾個人在買東西；別的桌子旁坐著兩三對客人，但都忙著談自己的事情?？傊?，沒人注意到我們倆。我點起一支香煙等著伊莎貝爾說話，而她用一根長吸管喝著蘇打水，樣子不急不忙的。我卻有一種感覺——她的內(nèi)心并不安寧。

“I wanted to talk to you，”she said abruptly.
“我是想跟你談?wù)勑睦镌??！彼腿粊砹诉@么一句。

“I gathered that，”I smiled.
“我猜到是這回事?！蔽倚τ卣f。

For a moment or two she looked at me reflectively.
她若有所思地望著我，有那么一會兒工夫。

“Why did you say that about Larry at the Satterthwaites'the night before last?”
“前天晚上在薩特思韋特家，你為什么那樣說拉里？”

“I thought it would interest you. It occurred to me that perhaps you didn't quite know what his idea of loafing was.”
“我覺得你關(guān)心他的情況。在我看來，你恐怕沒有真正理解他所說的‘逛大街’的含意?！?/p>

“Uncle Elliott's a terrible gossip. When he said he was going to the Blackstone to have a chat with you I knew he was going to tell you all about everything.”
“艾略特舅舅的嘴很碎。那天他說要上黑石旅館找你談?wù)?，我就知道他要把所有的事情都告訴你的?！?/p>

“I've known him a good many years, you know. He gets a lot of fun out of talking about other people's business.”
“你也知道，我認識他許多年了。議論起別人的事情，他就津津有味的?！?/p>

“He does，”she smiled. But it was only a gleam.She looked at me steadily and her eyes were serious.“What do you think of Larry?”
“的確如此?！彼α诵φf。但那笑意一閃便消失了。隨后，她直直地看著我，目光嚴肅認真。“你怎么看拉里？”

“I've only seen him three times. He seems a very nice boy.”
“我只見過他三次，覺得他像是個非常不錯的小伙子。”

“Is that all?”
“就這么些嗎？”

There was a note of distress in her voice.
她的聲音流露出一絲憂傷。

“No, not quite. It's hard for me to say；you see, I know him so little.Of course, he's attractive.There's something modest and friendly and gentle in him that is very appealing.He's got a lot of self-possession for so young a man.He isn't quite like any of the other boys I’ve met here.”
“不，不僅僅如此。三言兩語很難說得清，也可能是我對他了解太少了。當(dāng)然，他很討人喜歡。他身上有一種謙虛、友好、溫柔的東西，十分吸引人。他這么年輕，卻如此有主見，跟我在這里見到的所有的小伙子都不一樣?！?/p>

While I was thus fumblingly trying to put into words an impression that was not distinct in my own mind, Isabel looked at me intently. When I had finished she gave a little sigh, as if of relief, and then flashed a charming, almost roguish smile at me.
我搜索枯腸，找著字眼想把心中并不怎么清晰的印象講出來，而伊莎貝爾看著我，目光專注。待我講完，她輕輕舒了口氣，仿佛是吊在嗓子眼的心落了地，然后拋給我一個微笑，迷人，還帶點頑皮。

“Uncle Elliott says he's often been surprised at your power of observation. He says nothing much escapes you, but that your great asset as a writer is your common sense.”
“艾略特舅舅說他時常對你的觀察力感到詫異。他說什么都逃不過你的眼睛，但你作為一個作家，最大的長處則是你的判斷力?！?/p>

“I can think of a quality that would be more valuable，”I answered dryly.“Talent, for instance.”
“我看還有比這更為珍貴的呢，”我干巴巴地說，“例如才氣就是其中的一種?！?/p>

“You know, I have no one to talk this over with. Mamma can only see things from her own point of view.She wants my future to be assured.”
“你知道我的情況——苦于找不到人商量此事。媽媽只從她自己的角度看問題。她只想讓我將來過上衣食無憂的日子。”

“That's natural, isn't it?”
“這很自然，可憐天下父母心?！?/p>

“And Uncle Elliott only looks at it from the social side. My own friends, those of my generation, I mean, think Larry's a washout.It hurts terribly.”
“艾略特舅舅只看社會地位。我自己的朋友——那些和我年齡相仿的人，認為拉里沒有出息。這使我很難受?！?/p>

“Of course.”
“當(dāng)然的嘍?！?/p>

“It's not that they're not nice to him. One can't help being nice to Larry.But they look upon him as a joke.They josh him a lot and it exasperates them that he doesn't seem to care.He only laughs.You know how things are at present?”
“并不是說他們待他不好。誰也不可能對拉里不好?？墒?，他們看不起他，拿他當(dāng)笑柄，老是取笑他。他卻不慍不惱，只是付之一笑，讓那些人感到老大沒趣。事情的現(xiàn)狀你知道嗎？”

“I only know what Elliott has told me.”
“只是聽艾略特說了些。”

“May I tell you exactly what happened when we went down to Marvin?”
“我們那天去了一趟馬文。我把當(dāng)天發(fā)生的事情講給你聽好嗎？”

“Of course.”
“當(dāng)然好了。”

I have reconstructed Isabel's account partly from my recollection of what she then said to me and partly with the help of my imagination. But it was a long talk that she and Larry had, and I have no doubt that they said a great deal more than I now propose to relate.I suspect that as people do on these occasions they not only said much that was irrelevant, but said the same things over and over again.
我對那天的情況做如下描述，一部分根據(jù)的是對伊莎貝爾說話內(nèi)容的回憶，一部分則是我想象出來的。不過，她和拉里的談話是一次長談，內(nèi)容肯定要比我在此處陳述的豐富得多。依我看，遇到這種事情，談話人不僅會扯些風(fēng)馬牛不相及的話頭，還會把一些話重復(fù)來重復(fù)去的……

When Isabel awoke and saw that it was a fine day she gave Larry a ring and, telling him that her mother wanted her to go to Marvin to do something for her, asked him to drive her down. She took the precaution to add a thermos of martinis to the thermos of coffee her mother had told Eugene to put in the basket.Larry's roadster was a recent acquisition and he was proud of it.He was a fast driver and the speed at which he went exhilarated them both.When they arrived, Isabel, with Larry to write down the figures, measured the curtains that were to be replaced.Then they set out the luncheon on the stoop.It was sheltered from any wind there was and the sun of the Indian summer was good to bask in.The house, on a dirt road, had none of the elegance of the old frame houses of New England, and the best you could say of it was that it was roomy and comfortable, but from the stoop you had a pleasing view of a great red barn with a black roof, a clump of old trees, and beyond them, as far as the eye could reach, brown fields.It was a dull landscape, but the sunshine and the glowing tints of the waning year gave it that day an intimate loveliness.There was an exhilaration in the great space that was spread before you.Cold, bleak, and dreary as it must have been in winter, dry, sunbaked, and oppressive as it may have been in the dog days, just then it was strangely exciting, for the vastness of the view invited the soul to adventure.
話說伊莎貝爾那天早晨醒來，見天氣晴好，便打電話給拉里，說她母親有點事情要她到馬文去一趟，求他開汽車送她去。除了她母親關(guān)照尤金準備的一熱水瓶咖啡外，她還特地把一瓶馬丁尼酒放進了野餐籃子。拉里的車是輛跑車，是才買來的，他頗為此而感到自豪。他開車風(fēng)馳電掣，那速度叫二人都覺得痛快極了。抵達了目的地，伊莎貝爾給需要調(diào)換的窗簾量了尺寸，拉里用筆記了下來。隨后，他倆來到門廊，將午餐擺上。這兒避風(fēng)，任何一個方向的風(fēng)都吹不到此處，卻沐浴著小陽春的陽光，令人感到舒服愜意。這幢房子位于一條土路邊，跟新英格蘭那些古香古色的木屋比起來，缺乏的是雅致，頂多只能說得上寬敞舒適，可是從門廊上望出去的景色卻還悅目——一座紅色的大谷倉，黑屋頂；一叢老樹；再過去是一片一眼望不到頭的褐色田野。景色是單調(diào)的，可是，陽光和深秋的溫暖色調(diào)在那一天卻給眼前的景色平添一種親切和溫馨的氣氛。展現(xiàn)在面前的那片寥廓里，洋溢著歡樂。冬天這里一定寒冷荒涼，夏天可能炎熱蒸人，然而在這個季節(jié)卻使人感到異常興奮，因為開闊的景色撩人，使人內(nèi)心里產(chǎn)生出沖動。

They enjoyed their lunch like the healthy young things they were and they were happy to be together. Isabel poured out the coffee and Larry lit his pipe.
他們倆跟所有青年男女一樣，在一塊兒吃飯吃得很開心。二人能夠單獨相處，不勝歡喜。伊莎貝爾把咖啡斟好，拉里點上了煙斗。

“Now go right ahead, darling，”he said, with an amused smile in his eyes.
“現(xiàn)在你可以打開天窗說亮話了，親愛的?！崩镎f道，眼睛里帶著一絲開心的笑意。

Isabel was taken aback.
伊莎貝爾被說得一愣。

“Go right ahead about what?”she asked with as innocent a look as she could assume.
“說什么亮話呀？”她問道，故作一副不明就里的樣子。

He chuckled.
拉里呵呵笑了。

“Do you take me for a perfect fool, honey?If your mother didn't know perfectly well the measurements of the living-room windows I'll eat my hat. That isn't why you asked me to drive you down here.”
“親愛的，你難道把我當(dāng)作大傻瓜不成？你母親要是不知道客廳里窗簾的尺寸，我就把腦袋輸給你。你要我開車子送你來這里，恐怕另有他因?！?/p>

Recovering her self-assurance, she gave him a brilliant smile.
伊莎貝爾恢復(fù)了鎮(zhèn)靜，給了他一個千嬌百媚的微笑。

“It might be that I thought it would be nice if we spent a day together by ourselves.”
“原因嘛，是我覺得咱倆在一起待上一天比什么都強?！?/p>

“It might be, but I don't think, it is. My guess is that Uncle Elliott has told you that I've turned down Henry Maturin's offer.”
“話可以這么說，但我覺得事實并非如此。依我看，是艾略特舅舅把實情告訴了你——我謝絕了亨利·馬圖林的好意，不愿接受他給我的工作。”

He spoke gaily and lightly and she found it convenient to continue in the same tone.
他說話時語調(diào)輕松愉快，伊莎貝爾覺得用這種口吻談下去倒也有利于交流看法。

“Gray must be terribly disappointed. He thought it would be grand to have you in the office.You must get down to work some time, and the longer you leave it the harder it'll be.”
“格雷一定會大失所望的。能跟你在一個辦公室上班，在他看來是天大的一件美事。你總有一天要找個工作做的，時間拖得越久，就越難找?！?/p>

He puffed at his pipe and looked at her, tenderly smiling, so that she could not tell if he was serious or not.
他抽了一口煙斗，望著她，溫情地笑著。她摸不著頭腦，不知他葫蘆里賣的是什么藥。

“Do you know, I've got an idea that I want to do more with my life than sell bonds.”
“我有一種想法——此生想有所作為，而不僅僅局限于經(jīng)營股票生意?！?/p>

“All right then. Go into a law office or study medicine.”
“那么好吧。那你進律師事務(wù)所工作，或者去學(xué)醫(yī)。”

“No, I don't want to do that either.”
“不，這兩件事我都不想做?！?/p>

“What do you want to do then?”
“那么，你想做什么呢？”

“Loaf，”he replied calmly.
“逛大街?！彼槐菊?jīng)地回答。

“Oh, Larry, don't be funny. This is desperately serious.”
“天呀，拉里，別說俏皮話了。這是件嚴肅認真的事情。”

Her voice quivered and her eyes filled with tears.
她聲音顫抖，眼睛淚水汪汪。

“Don't cry, darling. I don't want to make you miserable.”
“別哭呀，親愛的。我可不想惹你難過?！?/p>

He went and sat down beside her and put his arm round her. There was a tenderness in his voice that broke her andshe could no longer hold back her tears.But she dried her eyes and forced a smile to her lips.
他走過來，挨著她坐下，用胳臂摟住她。他的聲音里有一種柔情，深深打動了她，于是淚水似決堤般滾滾而下。可她馬上又擦干眼淚，破涕為笑，讓一絲笑意浮現(xiàn)在嘴角。

“It's all very fine to say you don't want to make me miserable. You are making me miserable.You see, I love you.”
“不想惹我難過，那是漂亮話。其實你已經(jīng)在讓我難過了。你知道，我是愛你的。”

“I love you too, Isabel.”
“我也愛你，伊莎貝爾?！?/p>

She sighed deeply. Then she disengaged herself from his arm and drew away from him.
她發(fā)出深深的一聲嘆息，然后從他懷里掙脫出來，把身子挪開了一些。

“Let's be sensible. A man must work, Larry.It's a matter of self-respect.This is a young country, and it's a man's duty to take part in its activities.Henry Maturin was saying only the other day that we were beginning an era that would make the achievements of the past look like two bits.He said he could see no limit to our progress and he's convinced that by 1930 we shall be the richest and greatest country in the world.Don’t you think that’s terribly exciting?”
“識時務(wù)者為俊杰。人生在世，總得干活呀，拉里。這是一個有關(guān)于自尊的問題。咱們的國家很年輕，需要每個人都參加它的建設(shè)活動。亨利·馬圖林那天說，咱們正在進入一個新紀元，將會取得輝煌的成就，讓人類以前所有的作為都相形見絀。他說咱們國家的成就將會是無可估量的。他堅信到了一九三〇年，我國將成為世界上最富強、最偉大的國家。你不覺得這非常振奮人心嗎？”

“Terribly.”
“的確非常振奮人心?！?/p>

“There's never been such a chance for a young man. I should have thought you'd be proud to take part in the work that lies before us.It's such a wonderful adventure.”
“對一個年輕人而言，這是個千載難逢的好機會。依我看來，你一定會為能夠參加這項事業(yè)而感到自豪的。這可是一項改天換地的事業(yè)?！?/p>

He laughed lightly.
他聽了淡然一笑。

“I dare say you're right. The Armours and the Swifts will pack more and better meat, the McCormicks will make more and better harvesters, and Henry Ford will turn out more and better cars.And everyone'll get richer and richer.”
“我敢說你是對的。阿穆爾-斯威夫特公司將會做出更多更好的肉罐頭，麥考密克公司將會造出更多更好的收割機，亨利·福特將會造出更多更好的汽車。每個人的錢包都會變得越來越鼓?！?/p>

“And why not?”
“這不挺好嗎？”

“As you say, and why not?Money just doesn't happen to interest me.”
“正如你所言，這是挺好的，只是我對錢不感興趣?！?/p>

Isabel giggled.
伊莎貝爾咯咯咯地笑了。

“Darling, don't talk like a fool. One can't live without money.”
“親愛的，別說傻話。沒有錢是活不下去的?！?/p>

“I have a little. That's what gives me the chance to do what I want.”
“我手里是有一點錢的。這點本錢能讓我按自己的意愿去行事?！?/p>

“Loaf?”
“逛大街嗎？”

“Yes，”he answered, smiling.
“是的?！彼ξ卣f。

“You're making it so difficult for me, Larry，”she sighed.
“你這是叫我為難呀，拉里?！彼龂@了口氣說。

“I'm sorry. I wouldn't if I could help it.”
“很抱歉。要是有辦法，我也是不愿叫你為難的?！?/p>

“You can help it.”
“你應(yīng)該是有辦法的?！?/p>

He shook his head. He was silent for a while, lost in thought.When at last he spoke it was to say something that startled her.
他搖了搖頭，由于想心事，半天沒吱聲。等到他最后開口時，說出的話嚇了伊莎貝爾一大跳：

“The dead look so terribly dead when they're dead.”
“人死如燈滅。死了，一了百了?！?/p>

“What do you mean exactly?”she asked, troubled.
“你這話究竟是什么意思？”她不無擔(dān)憂地問。

“Just that.”He gave her a rueful smile.“You have a lot of time to think when you're up in the air by yourself. You get odd ideas.”
“就是這個意思?！彼麤_著她苦笑了一下說，“當(dāng)你獨自在天上飛行時，會有許多的時間思考人生，會產(chǎn)生一些離奇古怪的想法?！?/p>

“What sort of ideas?”
“什么樣的想法？”

“Vague，”he said, smiling.“Incoherent. Confused.”
“模糊、雜亂、不連貫的想法。”他笑了笑說。

Isabel thought this over for a while.
伊莎貝爾想了想，然后說道：

“Don't you think if you took a job they might sort themselves out and you'd know where you were?”
“先找個工作干，也許就能理清頭緒，從而使心情安定下來，你不覺得這是上策嗎？”

“I've thought of that. I had a notion that I might go to work with a carpenter or in a garage.”
“對于何去何從，我也做過一番思考。我想到過去當(dāng)木匠或者汽車修理工?！?/p>

“Oh, Larry, people would think you were crazy.”
“天呀，拉里，人家會以為你瘋了呢?！?/p>

“Would that matter?”
“別人怎么說，有什么關(guān)系呢？”

“To me, yes.”
“對我而言是有關(guān)系的。”

Once more silence fell upon them. It was she who broke it.She sighed.
說到這里，二人又沉默了下來。后來，伊莎貝爾打破了沉默。只聽她嘆了口氣說：

“You're so different from what you were before you went out to France.”
“跟去法國參戰(zhàn)之前相比，你像是變了個人似的?！?/p>

“That's not strange. A lot happened to me then, you know.”
“這并不奇怪。要知道，我在那兒經(jīng)歷了許多的事情?！?/p>

“Such as?”
“什么事？”

“Oh, just the ordinary casual run of events. My greatest friend in the air corps was killed saving my life.I didn't find that easy to get over.”
“哎，說起來也只是些戰(zhàn)場上經(jīng)常發(fā)生的事情。我在空軍有個最好的朋友，為了救我，他壯烈犧牲了。此事叫我怎么也難以忘懷。”

“Tell me, Larry.”
“給我講講，拉里?！?/p>

He looked at her with deep distress in his eyes.
他看了看她，露出十分痛苦的眼神。

“I'd rather not talk about it. After all, it was only a trivial incident.”
“還是不講的好。說到底，這在戰(zhàn)場上只是件小事?！?/p>

Emotional by nature, Isabel's eyes again filled with tears.
伊莎貝爾本來就容易動感情，此時早已淚水漣漣。

“Are you unhappy, darling?”
“你為此而感到糾結(jié)了吧，親愛的？”

“No，”he answered, smiling.“The only thing that makes me unhappy is that I'm making you unhappy.”He took her hand and there was something so friendly in the feel of his strong firm hand against hers, something so intimately affectionate, that she had to bite her lips to prevent herself from crying.“I don't think I shall ever find peace till I make up my mind about things，”he said gravely. He hesitated.“It's very difficult to put into words.The moment you try to you feel embarrassed.You say to yourself：‘Who am I that I should bother my head about this, that, and the other?Perhaps it's only because I'm a conceited prig.Wouldn’t it be better to follow the beaten track and let what’s coming to you come?’And then you think of a fellow who an hour before was full of life and fun, and he’s lying dead；it’s all so cruel and so meaningless.It’s hard not to ask yourself what life is all about and whether there’s any sense to it or whether it’s all a tragic blunder of blind fate.”
“沒什么?！彼σ饕鞯鼗卮鸬溃耙侨悄悴桓吲d，這才會叫我糾結(jié)呢?！彼鹚氖帧菆詫嵱辛Φ氖质顾惺艿搅擞颜x和親密無間的感情。她咬緊嘴唇，不讓自己哭出聲來?！俺钦业搅松畹哪繕?biāo)，否則我的一顆心恐怕永無寧日。”他表情沉重地說。之后，他停了停，才又說道：“這種心情很難用語言表達，想說也說不出口。我會在心里自責(zé)，千不該萬不該，不該為過去的事情而痛苦，從而殃及別人。也許，怪只怪我自己是個頑固不化的人。我會問自己：走別人所走的路，隨遇而安，是不是更好些呢？就在這時，我的腦海里會出現(xiàn)一個人，剛剛還生機勃勃，轉(zhuǎn)眼便命赴陰間。生活就是如此殘酷，如此缺乏意義。你不禁要問：人生的意義在哪里？人生的價值在哪里？難道人生是一種愚蠢的、盲目的、悲慘的過程嗎？”

It was impossible not to be moved when Larry, with that wonderfully melodious voice of his, spoke, haltingly as though he forced himself to say what he would sooner have left unsaid and yet with such an anguished sincerity；and for a while Isabel did not trust herself to speak.
講述時，拉里的聲音異常悅耳，說說停停的，就好像是在強迫自己說出本不愿吐露的心事，然而樣子是那般沉痛真摯，使人聽了不能不受感動。伊莎貝爾動情得半天都說不出話來，最后才問道：

“Would it help you if you went away for a bit?”
“你出去待一陣子，會不會好一些呢？”

She put the question with a sinking heart. He took a long time to answer.
話一出口，她的心便沉了下來。拉里沉吟良久方才回答：

“I think so. You try to be indifferent to public opinion, but it's not easy.When it's antagonistic it arouses antagonism in you and that disturbs you.”
“我想是的。不理睬社會輿論，著實不易。當(dāng)社會輿論向你壓來時，會激發(fā)你的逆反之心。你的心情也會因而得不到安寧?！?/p>

“Why don't you go then?”
“那你為什么不一走了之？”

“Well, on account of you.”
“唔，是為了你唄?！?/p>

“Let's be frank with one another, darling. There's no place for me in your life just now.”
“咱們不妨把話說得直白些，親愛的。就目前而言，你的生活中恐怕沒有我的一席之地?！?/p>

“Does that mean you don't want to be engaged to me any more?”
“這是不是說，你不想和我保持訂婚的關(guān)系了？”

She forced a smile to her trembling lips.
伊莎貝爾芳唇直抖，擠出了一個笑容。

“No, foolish, it means I'm prepared to wait.”
“不，別說蠢話。我的意思是等你歸來?！?/p>

“It may be a year. It may be two.”
“也許要等一年，或者兩年呢。”

“That's all right. It may be less.Where'd you want to go?”
“這沒有關(guān)系。也許等不了那么長時間。你打算上哪兒去呢？”

He looked at her intently as though he were trying to see into her innermost heart. She smiled lightly to hide her deep distress.
他望著她，目光專注，仿佛想要看到她內(nèi)心深處似的。她微微一笑，以此掩飾自己內(nèi)心的悲苦。

“Well, I thought I'd start by going to Paris. I know no one there.There'd be no one to interfere with me.I went to Paris several times on leave.I don't know why, but I've got it into my head that there everything that's muddled in my mind would grow clear.It’s a funny picture, it gives you the feeling that there you can think out your thoughts to the end without let or hindrance.I think there I may be able to see my way before me.”
“哦，我想先去巴黎。那邊我一個人不認識。不會有人干涉我的生活的。戰(zhàn)時休假，我去過幾趟巴黎。不知怎么的，我有一種感覺：一到了那里，渾濁的大腦就會變得清晰。那是一個奇妙的地方，叫你覺得一切問題都會迎刃而解，胸中的塊壘會消失得無影無蹤。我想到了那里也許就能看清前進的方向了?！?/p>

“And what's to happen if you don't?”
“假如不能如愿，你又該如何？”

He chuckled.
他嘻嘻嘻地笑了笑。

“Then I shall fall back on my good American horse sense, give it up as a bad job and come back to Chicago and take any work I can get.”
“那樣我就改弦更張，重拾我的美國人生觀，痛改前非，回到芝加哥來，有什么工作就干什么工作?！?/p>

The scene had affected Isabel too much for her to be able to tell it to me without getting somewhat emotional, and when she finished she looked at me pitifully.
這次深談對伊莎貝爾觸動很大。她對我講述時，免不了有些激動。待把話說完，她望了望我，表情惹人哀憐。

“Do you think I did right?”
“你覺得我做得對嗎？”

“I think you did the only thing you could do, but what's more I think you've been wonderfully kind, generous, and understanding.”
“我覺得你做了自己力所能及的事情。另外，我還覺得你有一副菩薩心腸，待人仁厚，善解人意?！?/p>

“I love him and I want him to be happy. And you know, in a way I'm not sorry he should go.I want him to be out of this hostile atmosphere, and that not only for his sake, but for mine too.I can't blame people when they say he'll never amount to anything；I hate them for it, and yet all the time deep down in me I have an awful fear that they're right.But don't say I’m understanding.I don’t begin to understand what he’s after.”
“我愛他，希望他能夠生活幸福。要知道，從某些方面來說，他離開家鄉(xiāng)，我并不感到遺憾。我想讓他擺脫這種充滿敵意的環(huán)境，不僅是為了他，也是為了我自己。我不能怪那些人說他不會有什么出息；我恨他們，然而我的內(nèi)心深處總有一種憂慮，覺得他們說得有道理。不過，請別說我善解人意。對于他在追求什么，我還是理解不透的。”

“Perhaps you understand with your heart rather than with your reason，”I smiled.“Why don't you marry him right away and go off to Paris with him?'
“也許你的心能理解，但從理智上卻理解不透?！蔽倚πφf，“為什么你不立刻和他結(jié)婚，跟他一起到巴黎去？”

The shadow of a smile came into her eyes.
她的眼睛里微微露出了一絲笑意。

“There's nothing I'd like to do more. But I couldn't.And you know, though I hate to acknowledge it, I do really think he's better off without me.If Dr.Nelson is right and he's suffering from delayed shock surely new surroundings and new interests will cure him, and when he’s got his balance again he’ll come back to Chicago and go into business like everybody else.I wouldn’t want to marry an idler.”
“我巴不得這樣做，可是我不能。要知道，雖然我不愿承認，但我內(nèi)心真實地覺得，沒有我，他的境況會更好一些。如果納爾遜醫(yī)生的話說得對，他的病是一種慢性驚恐癥。換換環(huán)境，接觸新的事物，會使他康復(fù)如初。等到內(nèi)心恢復(fù)了平靜，他就會回到芝加哥來，像周圍的人一樣工作和生活。我可不愿嫁給一個閑漢?！?/p>

Isabel had been brought up in a certain way and she accepted the principles that had been instilled into her. She did not think of money, because she had never known what it was not to have all she needed, but she was instinctively aware of its importance.It meant power, influence, and social consequence.It was the natural and obvious thing that a man should earn it.That was his plain life's work.
伊莎貝爾從小受環(huán)境的影響，已經(jīng)接受了大人給她灌輸?shù)脑瓌t。對于金錢，她并不多加考慮，因為她從小到大從未嘗過缺錢的滋味。不過，出于本能，她可以感覺到錢的重要性——錢意味著權(quán)勢和社會地位。作為一個男人，掙錢是天經(jīng)地義的事。這也是他一生的事業(yè)。

“It doesn't surprise me that you don't understand Larry，”I said，“because I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand himself. If he's reticent about his aims it may be that it’s because they’re obscure to him.Mind you, I hardly know him and this is only guesswork：isn’t it possible that he’s looking for something, but what it is he doesn’t know, and perhaps he isn’t even sure it’s there?Perhaps whatever it is that happened to him during the war has left him with a restlessness that won’t let him be.Don’t you think he may be pursuing an ideal that is hidden in a cloud of unknowing-like an astronomer looking for a star that only a mathematical calculation tells him exists?”
“要說你理解不透拉里，我并不感到奇怪。”我說，“我敢肯定，連他本人也理解不透自己。他只字不提自己的人生目標(biāo)，那是因為他的人生目標(biāo)是模糊不清的。實不相瞞，我跟他并無深交，此處所言僅僅是猜測——他是不是在尋找某樣?xùn)|西，某樣他并不了解甚至都不知道是否存在的東西呢？也許，他在戰(zhàn)爭中不知經(jīng)歷了什么事情，才使得他躁動不安，得不到安寧。依你看，他是不是在追求一種虛無縹緲的理想——就像天文學(xué)家在尋找一顆只有數(shù)學(xué)計算說明其存在的星體一樣？”

“I feel that something's troubling him.”
“我覺得有種什么東西在攪擾著他?！?/p>

“His soul?It may be that he's a little frightened of himself. It may be that he has no confidence in the authenticity of the vision that he dimly perceives in his mind's eye.”
“你指的是他的靈魂嗎？也許，他所害怕的是他自己吧。也許，他隱隱約約看到了某種景象——至于這種景象是否真實，他并無把握?！?/p>

“He gives me such an odd impression sometimes；he gives me the impression of a sleep-walker who's suddenly wakened in a strange place and can't think where he is. He was so normal before the war.One of the nice things about him was his enormous zest for life.He was so scatter-brained and gay, it was wonderful to be with him；he was so sweet and ridiculous.What can have happened to change him so much?”
“他有時候叫我覺得他行為古怪，給我一種印象——他像是個夢游者，在一個陌生的地方突然醒過來，摸不清自己身在何處。參戰(zhàn)之前，他是很正常的。那時，他最可愛的地方是對生活的熱愛。他悠閑瀟灑，樂樂呵呵的，跟他在一起十分開心。那時的他甜蜜可人，說話妙語連珠。到底發(fā)生了什么事情，才令他與以前相比判若兩人了呢？”

“I wouldn't know. Sometimes a very small thing will have an effect on you out of all proportion to the event.It depends on the circumstances and your mood at the time.I remember going to mass on All Saints'Day, which the French called the Day of the Dead, in a village church that the Germans had knocked about a bit on their first advance into France.It was filled with soldiers and with women in black.In the graveyard were rows of little wooden crosses and as the sad, solemn service went on, and women wept and men too, I had a feeling that perhaps those men who lay under the little crosses were better off than we who lived.I told a friend what I felt and he asked me what I meant.I couldn't explain and I saw that he thought me a perfect damned fool.And I remember after a battle seeing a pile of dead French soldiers heaped upon one another.They looked like the marionettes in a bankrupt puppet show that had been cast pell-mell into a dusty corner because they were of no use any more.I thought then just what Larry said to you：the dead look so awfully dead.”
“這種情況我也說不清。有時候，一件小事情對一個人就會有很大的影響，那要取決于他當(dāng)時的處境和心情。記得有一次過全圣節(jié)（法國人稱之為亡人節(jié)），我到一個村莊的教堂去做彌撒——德軍最初一攻入法國，那座村莊就遭到了軍隊的蹂躪。教堂里擠滿了軍人和穿著喪服的女人；教堂墓園里看得到一排排木制的小十字架。彌撒莊嚴、悲傷，女人們淚流滿面，男人們也傷心落淚。我當(dāng)時有個感覺，認為長眠于那些小十字架下面的死人可能比活著的人還要好受些。我把自己的感受講給一個朋友聽，他問我那是什么意思，我卻難以解釋得清?？吹贸?，他認為我是個十足的傻瓜。我還記得，在一次戰(zhàn)斗之后，陣亡法軍士兵的尸體被堆放在一起，像小山一樣，看上去就像一堆提線木偶，被破了產(chǎn)的木偶劇團胡亂丟在骯臟角落里，因為它們再也派不上用場了。當(dāng)時我想到的就是拉里告訴你的那句話：‘人死如燈滅。死了，一了百了。’”

I do not want the reader to think I am making a mystery of whatever it was that happened to Larry during the war that so profoundly affected him, a mystery that I shall disclose at a convenient moment. I don't think he ever told anybody.He did, however, many years later tell a woman, Suzanne Rouvier, whom Larry and I both knew, about the young airman who had met his death saving his life.She repeated it to me and so I can only relate it at second hand.I have translated it from her French.Larry had apparently struck up a great friendship with another boy in his squadron.Suzanne knew him only by the ironical nickname by which Larry spoke of him.
我可不想讓讀者覺得我在故弄玄虛，給深深影響了拉里的那段戰(zhàn)爭經(jīng)歷蒙上一層神秘的色彩，非得等到最后才揭開謎底。對于那段經(jīng)歷，他恐怕給任何人都沒有講過。過去了許多年之后，他才對我們倆都認識的一個叫蘇姍娜·魯維埃的女子講述了那段如煙的往事，說一位年輕的飛行員為了救他而犧牲了自己的生命。蘇姍娜·魯維埃把他的話轉(zhuǎn)述給我，而我只能根據(jù)二手材料進行復(fù)述，而且是從她的法語翻譯過來的。拉里顯然跟飛行隊里的另一個小伙子結(jié)下了很深的友誼。蘇姍娜不知道那個小伙子的名姓，只知道他的一個很滑稽的綽號——那是拉里講到他時提到的。

“He was a little chap with red hair, an Irishman. We used to call him Patsy，”Larry said，“and he had more vitalitythan anyone I've ever known.Gosh, he was a live wire.He had a funny face and a funny grin, so that it made you laugh just to look at him.He was a harum-scarum devil and he'd do the craziest things；he was always getting hell from the higher-ups.He was absolutely without fear and when he'd escaped death by a hair's breadth he'd grin all over his face as if it was the best joke in the world.But he was a natural-born flyer and up in the air he was cool and wary.He taught me a lot.He was a bit older than me and he took me under his wing；it was rather comic really, because I was a good six inches taller than he was and if it had come to a scrap I could have knocked him out cold.Once in Paris when he was drunk and I was afraid he was going to get into trouble I did.
“他是個紅頭發(fā)的小個子，愛爾蘭人，我們都叫他‘搗蛋鬼’?！崩镞@樣告訴蘇姍娜，在我認識的人里面，他最具活力，簡直可以說是生龍活虎。他長了一張滑稽的臉，臉上掛著一副滑稽的笑容，見了他，你禁不住就會發(fā)笑。他是個闖禍精，什么荒唐事都干得出來，總是挨上司的罵。他完全是個天不怕地不怕的主兒，戰(zhàn)場上九死一生撿回一條命，他也會一臉笑嘻嘻的樣子，就好像出生入死是天下最好玩的事情一樣。不過，他天生就是個當(dāng)飛行員的料，一上藍天就變得冷靜、機警。他教給我不少東西。他比我年紀大一點，因此將我置于他的保護傘之下。這實在具有喜劇效果——我比他要高出六英寸，論打架，我可以輕松地把他放倒。一次在巴黎，他喝得酩酊大醉，我怕他惹是生非，果真把他放倒過。

“I felt a bit out of it when I joined the squadron and I was afraid I wouldn't make good, but he just joshed me into having confidence in myself. He was funny about the war, he had no feeling of hatred for the Jerries；he loved a scrap and to fight them tickled him to death.He simply couldn't look upon bringing down one of their planes as anything but a practical joke.He was impudent and wild and irresponsible, but there was something so genuine about him that you couldn't help liking him.He'd give you his last penny as freely as he'd take yours.And if you were lonely or homesick or scared, and I was sometimes, he’d see it and with his ugly little face puckered up with laughter he’d say just the right thing to make you feel all right again.”
“加入飛行隊時，我覺得有些跟不上趟，生怕自己干不好。他百般勉勵我，讓我樹立自信心。他對戰(zhàn)爭的看法離奇古怪，對德國人沒有絲毫敵意，只是因為愛打架，才樂顛顛地喜歡和德國人交鋒。每擊落一架敵機，他只是覺得好玩而已。他是個無法無天的人，行為粗野，無拘無束。但他身上有一種誠懇的素質(zhì)，叫你不由得會喜歡上他。他會把你的錢拿去花，而為了你，他也愿意傾盡錢囊。如果你覺得孤獨，或者想家，或者害怕，像我有時候那樣，他就會看出來，讓他那張丑陋的小臉上堆滿笑容，然后說一些貼心的話，使你的心情恢復(fù)正常?！?/p>

Larry puffed at his pipe and Suzanne waited for him to go on.
說到這里，拉里抽了一口煙斗，蘇姍在等著他繼續(xù)說下去。

“We used to wangle it so that we could get our leave together, and when we were in Paris he went wild. We had a grand time.We were due for a spot of leave early in March, in'eighteen that was, and we made our plans beforehand.There wasn't a thing we weren't going to do.The day before we were to go we were sent up to fly over the enemy lines and bring back reports of what we saw.Suddenly we came bang up against some German planes, and before we knew where we were we were in the middle of a dogfight.One of them came after me, but I got in first.I took a look to see if he was going to crash and then out of the corner of my eye I saw another plane on my tail.I dived to get away from him, but he was on to me like a flash and I thought I was done for；then I saw Patsy come down on him like a streak of lightning and give him all he'd got.They'd had enough and sheered off and we made for home.My machine had got pretty well knocked about and I only just made it.Patsy got in before me.When I got out of my plane they’d just got him out of his.He was lying on the ground and they were waiting for the ambulance to come up.When he saw me he grinned.
我們經(jīng)常編造出一些事由，以便我倆一起出去度假。每次去巴黎，他就狂放不羈。那段時間，我們玩得真開心。一九一八年的三月，我們又準備出去度假，并提前做出了安排。我們的計劃滿滿的，有許多事情要做。就在臨行前一天，我們奉命飛越敵軍防線偵察，把偵察到的情況帶回來。突然，我們與幾架敵機遭遇。沒等我們反應(yīng)過來，雙方已經(jīng)進入了激戰(zhàn)。一架敵機追過來，但我先下手將其擊中，然后轉(zhuǎn)過臉去看它會不會墜落。就在這時，我從眼角看過去，發(fā)現(xiàn)又有一架敵機盯上了我。我向下俯沖想躲開它，可它一轉(zhuǎn)眼就追上了我，我想這一下可完了。卻看見‘搗蛋鬼’閃電般沖過來，把雨點般的子彈潑在它身上。敵機戰(zhàn)不過我們，夾著尾巴逃跑了，我們也返回了基地。我的飛機給打得遍體鱗傷，算是掙扎著著陸了。而‘搗蛋鬼’先我一步著陸。我下飛機時，他們剛把他抬出駕駛艙。他躺在地上，在等救護車來。他看見我，咧開嘴笑了。

“‘I got that blighter who was on your tail，'he said.
‘那狗日的盯住你不放，我把他打下來了?！f道。

“‘What's the matter, Patsy?'I asked.
“你怎么啦，”搗蛋鬼？我問他。

“‘Oh, it's nothing. He winged me.'
‘哦，沒什么，他打中了我的胳臂?！?/p>

“He was looking deathly white. Suddenly a strange look came over his face.It had just come to him that he was dying, and the possibility of death had never so much as crossed his mind.Before they could stop him he sat up and gave a laugh. “‘Well, I'm jiggered，'he said. “He fell back dead. He was twenty-two.He was going to marry a girl in Ireland after the war.”
“只見他臉色慘白。突然間，他的臉上浮現(xiàn)出一種古怪的神情。他此時才醒悟到自己快要死了。在這之前，他心里從沒想到過自己竟然還會死去。沒等周圍的人反應(yīng)過來，他一挺身坐了起來，哈哈大笑道：‘他媽的，我死啦！’說完，他就倒下去死了，年僅二十二歲。他原本打算在戰(zhàn)爭結(jié)束后回愛爾蘭，跟一個愛爾蘭姑娘結(jié)婚呢。”

The day after my talk with Isabel I left Chicago for San Francisco, where I was to take ship for the Far East.
和伊莎貝爾長談后的第二天，我就離開芝加哥去了舊金山，準備從那兒乘船前往遠東。