I have always been convinced that if a woman once made up her mind to marry a man nothing but instant flight could save him. Not always that; for once a friend of mine, seeing the inevitable loom menacingly before him, took ship from a certain port (with a tooth brush for all his luggage, so conscious was he of his danger and the necessity for immediate action) and spent a year travelling round the world; but when, thinking himself safe (women are fickle, he said, and in twelve months she will have forgotten all about me), he landed at the selfsame port the first person he saw gaily waving to him from the quay was the little lady from whom he had fled. I have only once known a man who in such circumstances managed to extricate himself. His name was Roger Charing. He was no longer young when he fell in love with Ruth Barlow and he had had sufficient experience to make him careful; but Ruth Barlow had a gift (or should I call it a quality?) that renders most men defenceless, and it was this that dispossessed Roger of his commonsense, his prudence, and his worldly wisdom. He went down like a row of ninepins. This was the gift of pathos. Mrs. Barlow, for she was twice a widow, had splendid dark eyes and they were the most moving I ever saw; they seemed to be ever on the point of filling with tears; they suggested that the world was too much for her, and you felt that, poor dear, her sufferings had been more than anyone should be asked to bear. If, like Roger Charing, you were a strong, hefty fellow with plenty of money, it was almost inevitable that you should say to yourself: I must stand between the hazards of life and this helpless little thing, oh, how wonderful it would be to take the sadness out of those big and lovely eyes! I gathered from Roger that everyone had treated Mrs. Barlow very badly. She was apparently one of those unfortunate persons with whom nothing by any chance goes right. If she married a husband he beat her; if she employed a broker he cheated her; if she engaged a cook she drank. She never had a little lamb but it was sure to die.
When Roger told me that he had at last persuaded her to marry him, I wished him joy.
I hope you'll be good friends, he said. "She's a little afraid of you, you know; she thinks you're callous."
Upon my word I don't know why she should think that.
You do like her, don't you?
Very much.
She's had a rotten time, poor dear. I feel so dreadfully sorry for her.
Yes, I said.
I couldn't say less. I knew she was stupid and I thought she was scheming. My own belief was that she was as hard as nails.
The first time I met her we had played bridge together and when she was my partner she twice trumped my best card. I behaved like an angel, but I confess that I thought if the tears were going to well up into anybody's eyes they should have been mine rather than hers. And when, having by the end of the evening lost a good deal of money to me, she said she would send me a cheque and never did, I could not but think that I and not she should have worn a pathetic expression when next we met.
Roger introduced her to his friends. He gave her lovely jewels. He took her here, there, and everywhere. Their marriage was announced for the immediate future. Roger was very happy. He was committing a good action and at the same time doing something he had very much a mind to. It is an uncommon situation and it is not surprising if he was a trifle more pleased with himself than was altogether becoming.
Then, on a sudden, he fell out of love. I do not know why. It could hardly have been that he grew tired of her conversation, for she had never had any conversation. Perhaps it was merely that this pathetic look of hers ceased to wring his heart-strings. His eyes were opened and he was once more the shrewd man of the world he had been. He became acutely conscious that Ruth Barlow had made up her mind to marry him and he swore a solemn oath that nothing would induce him to marry Ruth Barlow. But he was in a quandary. Now that he was in possession of his senses he saw with clearness the sort of woman he had to deal with and he was aware that, if he asked her to release him, she would (in her appealing way) assess her wounded feelings at an immoderately high figure. Besides, it is always awkward for a man to jilt a woman. People are apt to think he has behaved badly.
Roger kept his own counsel. He gave neither by word nor gesture an indication that his feelings towards Ruth Barlow had changed. He remained attentive to all her wishes; he took her to dine at restaurants, they went to the play together, he sent her flowers; he was sympathetic and charming. They had made up their minds that they would be married as soon as they found a house that suited them, for he lived in chambers and she in furnished rooms; and they set about looking at desirable residences. The agents sent Roger orders to view and he took Ruth to see a number of houses. It was very hard to find anything that was quite satisfactory. Roger applied to more agents. They visited house after house. They went over them thoroughly, examining them from the cellars in the basement to the attics under the roof. Sometimes they were too large and sometimes they were too small; sometimes they were too far from the centre of things and sometimes they were too close; sometimes they were too expensive and sometimes they wanted too many repairs; sometimes they were too stuffy and sometimes they were too airy; sometimes they were too dark and sometimes they were too bleak. Roger always found a fault that made the house unsuitable. Of course he was hard to please; he could not bear to ask his dear Ruth to live in any but the perfect house, and the perfect house wanted finding. House-hunting is a tiring and a tiresome business and presently Ruth began to grow peevish. Roger begged her to have patience; somewhere, surely, existed the very house they were looking for, and it only needed a little perseverance and they would find it. They looked at hundreds of houses; they climbed thousands of stairs; they inspected innumerable kitchens. Ruth was exhausted and more than once lost her temper.
If you don't find a house soon, she said, "I shall have to reconsider my position. Why, if you go on like this we shan't be married for years."
Don't say that, he answered, "I beseech you to have patience. I've just received some entirely new lists from agents I've only just heard of. There must be at least sixty houses on them."
They set out on the chase again. They looked at more houses and more houses. For two years they looked at houses. Ruth grew silent and scornful: her pathetic, beautiful eyes acquired an expression that was almost sullen. There are limits to human endurance. Mrs. Barlow had the patience of an angel, but at last she revolted.
Do you want to marry me or do you not? she asked him.
There was an unaccustomed hardness in her voice, but it did not affect the gentleness of his reply.
Of course I do. We'll be married the very moment we find a house. By the way, I've just heard of something that might suit us.
I don't feel well enough to look at any more houses just yet.
Poor dear, I was afraid you were looking rather tired.
Ruth Barlow took to her bed. She would not see Roger and he had to content himself with calling at her lodgings to inquire and sending her flowers. He was as ever assiduous and gallant. Every day he wrote and told her that he had heard of another house for them to look at. A week passed and then he received the following letter:
Roger I do not think you really love me. I have found someone who is anxious to take care of me and I am going to be married to him today.
Ruth
He sent back his reply by special messenger:
Ruth
Your news shatters me. I shall never get over the blow, but of course your happiness must be my first consideration. I send you herewith seven orders to view; they arrived by this morning's post and I am quite sure you will find among them a house that will exactly suit you.
Roger
孔祥立 譯
我一向確信,一旦一個女人下定決心要嫁給一個男人,那么使這個男人幸免于難的唯一方法,就是立刻逃之夭夭。但事情總有例外。我曾有一個朋友,眼瞅著這一不可避免的厄運朝他逼近,于是,他從一個港口登上了客輪一走了之(行囊里僅帶了一把牙刷,他十分清楚自身面臨的危險和這次緊急行動的必要性)。他花了整整一年的時間在世界各地游蕩。當(dāng)他認(rèn)為自己已經(jīng)安然無事時(女人是善變的,他說,十二個月的光陰足以讓那個女人把他忘個干凈),他返回了最初離開的那個港口,而他在碼頭上看到的第一個向他欣然招手的人,卻還是那個他躲避、逃離一年之久的嬌小女人。在此類情況下還能夠抽身擺脫的,我僅認(rèn)識一人,他叫羅杰·查林。跟露絲·巴羅陷入愛河時,羅杰已不再年輕,因而有了足夠的經(jīng)驗讓自己謹(jǐn)慎行事,但露絲有一種與生俱來的讓男人乖乖就范的天賦(抑或稱作素質(zhì)?)。正是靠著這一點,她將羅杰擁有的常識、審慎,還有世俗智慧統(tǒng)統(tǒng)降服,他整個人如同九柱戲[1]中的一排木柱一樣,噼里啪啦地倒下了——這種天賦就是讓人心生憐憫。當(dāng)過兩次寡婦的巴羅夫人,有著一雙黑漆漆的美目。我從未見過如此令人動容的眼睛,似乎每時每刻都有淚水要奪眶而出;這雙眼睛讓人覺得,這個世界對她來說,有著無法承受之重——你能感受到這一點。噢,可憐的人兒,她的不幸遭遇是任何人都無法忍受的。假如你像羅杰·查林一樣,是個身強體壯又家財萬貫的家伙,那你幾乎無可避免地會對自己說:我一定要幫助一下這個孤獨無依的小女人,讓她遠(yuǎn)離那些人生的苦難。噢,如果能將這雙楚楚動人的大眼睛里的憂傷拂去,那該是多么美妙的事情??!我從羅杰那里得知,每個人都對巴羅夫人非常惡劣。她顯然是那種諸事不順的倒霉人兒中的一員。如果她結(jié)婚,丈夫會打她;如果她聘用經(jīng)紀(jì)人,經(jīng)紀(jì)人會騙她;如果她雇用一個廚師,這廚師會讓她酗酒。她所珍愛的那些人,一個個都離她而去了。
當(dāng)羅杰跟我說,他終于勸服了她同意跟自己結(jié)婚時,我祝他快樂。
“我希望你們能成為好朋友,”他說,“她有點兒怕你,你知道——她認(rèn)為你這個人太冷淡?!?/p>
“真沒想到,我不明白她怎么會這樣想?!?/p>
“你真的喜歡她,是吧?”
“很喜歡?!?/p>
“她有段時間過得非常艱難,可憐人兒。我極其為她感到難過?!?/p>
“是的?!蔽艺f。
我的回答不能比這更簡短了。我知道她很愚蠢,我認(rèn)為她詭計多端,我堅信她是個冷酷無情的人。
第一次跟她見面時,我們一起打了橋牌。她是我的搭檔,但兩次動用王牌干掉了我最好的牌。打牌過程中,我表現(xiàn)得像個天使,但我不得不承認(rèn),如果有人眼睛里溢滿了淚水,那個人只能是我,而不是她。那晚結(jié)束時,她輸給我一大筆錢,她說會寄支票給我,但根本沒寄。我只能想,下次見面時,帶著可憐巴巴的表情的不是她,是我。
羅杰把她介紹給他的朋友,送她漂亮的珠寶,帶她到這里、那里——沒有不去的地兒。他們宣布婚禮將在不久后舉行。羅杰感到非常快樂,他是在做一件好事,同時也是他喜歡的事。羅杰一直滿足于獨自一人,這時卻熱衷于與露絲在一起,確實非比尋常。
但突然間,他就不再愛她了,原因不得而知。不大可能是他厭倦了她的說話方式,因為她根本就不同人交流,或許只是——她那悲慘的表情已經(jīng)不再能觸動他的心弦。他的眼睛睜開了,他又重新成為曾經(jīng)那個精明之人。他心里跟明鏡似的,露絲·巴羅是下定決心要嫁給他了,但他莊嚴(yán)賭誓:沒有任何東西能誘使他跟露絲·巴羅結(jié)婚。不過他的處境有些窘迫?,F(xiàn)在,他重新恢復(fù)了自己的判斷力,清楚地看到過去交往的是一個什么樣的女人;他也明白,如果他請她主動放手的話,她一定會用她動人的方式去無限拔高所受到的情感傷害。再說,對一個男人來說,拋棄一個女人總是讓人尷尬的,人們會傾向于認(rèn)為他的行為有失檢點。
羅杰決定保守自己的秘密。無論在言辭上還是姿態(tài)上,他都不讓自己表露出對露絲·巴羅有任何的情感變化。他仍然留意著她所有的心愿,帶她到飯店吃飯,陪她出去玩耍,送她鮮花,他依然討人喜歡、魅力十足。他們決定,一旦找到適合他們的房子就立馬結(jié)婚。之前他住的是單人套房,而她住的是帶有家具的出租房,他們決定找一處合意的住宅。代理商寄給羅杰一些看房券,他帶著露絲看了幾套房子,但找到十分滿意的房子很難。羅杰向更多的代理商提出了申請。他們看了一座又一座房子,看得甚是仔細(xì),從地下室里的酒窖,到房頂下面的閣樓。有的房子太大,有的又太小了;有的離鬧市太遠(yuǎn),有的又太近了;有的過于昂貴,有的需要太多的修補;有的通氣不佳,而有的室內(nèi)風(fēng)速過大;有的光線過暗,有的則一點兒遮蔽都沒有。羅杰總能找到一處毛病,讓房子不宜購買。他當(dāng)然很難取悅,他怎么能忍心讓他親愛的露絲住在一套不完美的房子里呢?完美的房子是需要找的。找房是個累人的活兒,又讓人煩心。不久,露絲開始焦躁起來。羅杰請她耐心些——在某個地方肯定有一套房子正是他們所渴望的,只需要再堅持一下,就一定能找到。他們找了幾百套房子,爬了幾千段樓梯,看過了難以盡數(shù)的廚房。露絲精疲力竭,不止一次動了肝火。
“如果你不能盡快找到房子,”她說,“我會再考慮我的想法的。哎呀,你老是這樣,我們多少年也結(jié)不了婚?!?/p>
“不要說這樣的話,”他回答,“我求你再耐心些。我剛剛收到一批全新的房源,都是最近剛認(rèn)識的代理商提供的。他們手里至少有六十套房子?!?/p>
兩人又開始了新一輪的求購,看的房子越來越多。他們已經(jīng)找了兩年啦!露絲的話越來越少,不時流露出輕蔑,她凄楚美麗的眼睛增添了一種慍怒的神色。人類的忍耐是有限度的,巴羅夫人有著天使般的耐心,但最終還是忍無可忍了。
“你到底想不想跟我結(jié)婚?”她問他。
她的話語里有一種異乎尋常的強硬,但這對他絲毫沒有影響,他的回答仍然溫文爾雅。
“我當(dāng)然想啊。我們一找到房子就結(jié)婚。順便告訴你,我剛聽說有個房子,很適合我們?!?/p>
“我感覺不舒服,再也不想看什么房子了?!?/p>
“可憐的寶貝兒,恐怕是你太累了。”
露絲·巴羅病倒在床。她不愿再看到羅杰,羅杰倒是樂意前去她的住所看她,并給她帶去鮮花。他像往常一樣勤勉有加、殷勤備至。他每天給她寫信,告訴她剛聽說的房子。一星期過去了,羅杰收到了下面的信:
羅杰:
我認(rèn)為你并沒有真心愛我。我遇到了一個人,他愿意照顧我,我今天就同他結(jié)婚。
露絲
他派專人給她帶去了回信。
露絲:
你的來信讓我心碎,我永遠(yuǎn)都不能從這個打擊中走出來,不過,你的幸福當(dāng)然是我要首先考慮的。我給你寄去七張看房券,都是今天早上郵來的。我敢肯定,你一定能從中找到最適合你的房子。
羅杰
* * *
[1] 九柱戲,也稱“保齡球”“地滾球”,起源于德國,是一種在木板球道上用球滾擊木瓶的室內(nèi)體育運動,流行于歐、美、大洋洲和亞洲一些國家。
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