I brought a couple of cookies upstairs with me, just in case. My room was perfectly square, which was good. My name was Mrs. Angela Motorman and this was where I was going to live, in a square room in Mrs. Faun's house on Smith Street. I did not know as yet what I was going to add to this room; it already held a bed and a dresser and two chairs and a pretty little desk, something like the pretty little desk I had last seen disappearing into the back of a station wagon when I had my auction. There was nothing in these desk drawers; I did not know as yet what I was going to put in them. There was a little bookcase which would hold, I thought, perhaps eleven books; I would have to choose my eleven books very carefully; when I found them I could write “Angela Motorman” on the flyleaves. I put my underwear and stockings into the dresser drawers, and hung my two dresses and my fur stole in the closet; someday I would go to the department stores and buy new clothes; I put my brush and comb on the dresser and put my sleeping pills on the bedside table and put my reading glasses beside them. I had no pets, no address books, no small effects to set around on tables or pin on walls, I had no lists of friends to keep in touch with and no souvenirs; all I had was myself.
I like people, but I have never needed companions; Hughie was my only mistake.
I set an armchair next to the window of my room, and I was pleased to see that I did indeed look out over the trees and onto the spot on the street where I had stood not long ago wondering over a name; “It's all right, Angela,” I said very softly out the window, “it's all right, you made it, you came in and it's all right; you got here after all.” And outside the dim nameless creature named herself Mrs. Angela Motorman and came steadily to the door.
我上樓時(shí)帶了好幾塊裝在盒子里的點(diǎn)心,我的房間正好四四方方,很不錯(cuò)。我的名字是安吉拉·摩妥爾曼太太,這兒就是我要住的地方了——在史密斯大街弗恩太太樓里一個(gè)四方形的房間里。我不知道還要給這個(gè)房間添置點(diǎn)兒什么東西,這兒已經(jīng)有了一張床、一個(gè)梳妝臺(tái)、兩把椅子和一張漂亮的小桌子。我最后一次看見(jiàn)類似這張漂亮小桌子的東西,是在我拍賣完家具之后,它已經(jīng)消失在了一輛旅行車的后備廂里了。柜子抽屜里什么也沒(méi)有,我還不知道要把什么東西放在里面。還有一個(gè)小書(shū)柜,我想也就能裝十一本書(shū)左右,看樣子我不得不非常仔細(xì)地挑選我的十一本書(shū)了。當(dāng)我選完書(shū)后,我會(huì)在書(shū)的扉頁(yè)上寫(xiě)上“安吉拉·摩妥爾曼”。我把內(nèi)衣和襪子放進(jìn)了梳妝臺(tái)的抽屜里,把兩件長(zhǎng)裙和皮毛披肩掛到了壁櫥中。以后找點(diǎn)兒時(shí)間我要去大百貨商店買些新衣服。我把牙刷和梳子放到了梳妝臺(tái)上,把安眠藥片放到了床頭柜上,把閱讀用的眼鏡放到了藥片的旁邊。我沒(méi)有寵物,沒(méi)有通訊錄,沒(méi)有財(cái)物放在桌子上,或者釘在墻上;我沒(méi)有什么朋友要保持聯(lián)系,也沒(méi)有什么紀(jì)念品。我所擁有的只是我自己。
我喜歡人們,但我絕不需要陪伴,休伊是我唯一的錯(cuò)誤。
我坐在房間靠近窗戶的一張扶手椅上,我很高興地看到這里的視線很好,確確實(shí)實(shí)能向外越過(guò)樹(shù)木看見(jiàn)街上的某個(gè)地點(diǎn),不久前我曾經(jīng)站在那兒思量過(guò)名字的事?!岸几愣耍布?,”我非常輕聲地對(duì)著窗戶外面說(shuō)道,“都搞定了,你成功了,你進(jìn)到了這里而且一切順利,無(wú)論如何你都來(lái)這兒了。”曾經(jīng)在外面的暗處,某個(gè)無(wú)名的人給自己起名叫安吉拉·摩妥爾曼太太,然后穩(wěn)步來(lái)到了門(mén)口。
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