Crazy Sunday again. Joel slept until eleven, then he read a newspaper to catch up with the past week. He lunched in his room on trout, avocado salad and a pint of California wine. Dressing for the tea, he selected a pin-check suit, a blue shirt, a burnt orange tie. There were dark circles of fatigue under his eyes. In his second-hand car he drove to the Riviera apartments. As he was introducing himself to Stella's sister, Miles and Stella arrived in riding clothes—they had been quarreling fiercely most of the afternoon on all the dirt roads back of Beverly Hills.
Miles Calman, tall, nervous, with a desperate humor and the unhappiest eyes Joel ever saw, was an artist from the top of his curiously shaped head to his niggerish feet. Upon these last he stood firmly—he had never made a cheap picture though he had sometimes paid heavily for the luxury of making experimental flops. In spite of his excellent company, one could not be with him long without realizing that he was not a well man.
From the moment of their entrance Joel's day bound itself up inextricably with theirs. As he joined the group around them Stella turned away from it with an impatient little tongue click—and Miles Calman said to the man who happened to be next to him:
“Go easy on Eva Goebel. There's hell to pay about her at home.” Miles turned to Joel, “I'm sorry I missed you at the office yesterday. I spent the afternoon at the analyst's.”
“You being psychoanalyzed?”
“I have been for months. First I went for claustrophobia, now I'm trying to get my whole life cleared up. They say it'll take over a year.”
“There's nothing the matter with your life,” Joel assured him.
“Oh, no? Well, Stella seems to think so. Ask anybody—they can all tell you about it,” he said bitterly.
A girl perched herself on the arm of Miles' chair; Joel crossed to Stella, who stood disconsolately by the fire.
“Thank you for your telegram,” he said. “It was darn sweet. I can't imagine anybody as good-looking as you are being so good-humored.”
She was a little lovelier than he had ever seen her and perhaps the unstinted admiration in his eyes prompted her to unload on him—it did not take long, for she was obviously at the emotional bursting point.
“—and Miles has been carrying on this thing for two years, and I never knew. Why, she was one of my best friends, always in the house. Finally when people began to come to me, Miles had to admit it.”
She sat down vehemently on the arm of Joel's chair. Her riding breeches were the color of the chair and Joel saw that the mass of her hair was made up of some strands of red gold and some of pale gold, so that it could not be dyed, and that she had on no make-up. She was that good-looking—
Still quivering with the shock of her discovery, Stella found unbearable the spectacle of a new girl hovering over Miles; she led Joel into a bedroom, and seated at either end of a big bed they went on talking. People on their way to the washroom glanced in and made wisecracks, but Stella, emptying out her story, paid no attention. After a while Miles stuck his head in the door and said, “There's no use trying to explain something to Joel in half an hour that I don't understand myself and the psychoanalyst says will take a whole year to understand.”
She talked on as if Miles were not there. She loved Miles, she said—under considerable difficulties she had always been faithful to him.
“The psychoanalyst told Miles that he had a mother complex. In his first marriage he transferred his mother complex to his wife, you see—and then his sex turned to me. But when we married the thing repeated itself—he transferred his mother complex to me and all his libido turned toward this other woman.”
Joel knew that this probably wasn't gibberish—yet it sounded like gibberish. He knew Eva Goebel; she was a motherly person, older and probably wiser than Stella, who was a golden child.
Miles now suggested impatiently that Joel come back with them since Stella had so much to say, so they drove out to the mansion in Beverly Hills. Under the high ceilings the situation seemed more dignified and tragic. It was an eerie bright night with the dark very clear outside of all the windows and Stella all rose-gold raging and crying around the room. Joel did not quite believe in picture actresses' grief. They have other preoccupations—they are beautiful rose-gold figures blown full of life by writers and directors, and after hours they sit around and talk in whispers and giggle innuendoes, and the ends of many adventures flow through them.
Sometimes he pretended to listen and instead thought how well she was got up—sleek breeches with a matched set of legs in them, an Italian-colored sweater with a little high neck, and a short brown chamois coat. He couldn't decide whether she was an imitation of an English lady or an English lady was an imitation of her. She hovered somewhere between the realest of realities and the most blatant of impersonations.
“Miles is so jealous of me that he questions everything I do,” she cried scornfully. “When I was in New York I wrote him that I'd been to the theater with Eddie Baker. Miles was so jealous he phoned me ten times in one day.”
“I was wild,” Miles snuffled sharply, a habit he had in times of stress. “The analyst couldn't get any results for a week.”
Stella shook her head despairingly. “Did you expect me just to sit in the hotel for three weeks?”
“I don't expect anything. I admit that I'm jealous. I try not to be. I worked on that with Dr. Bridgebane, but it didn't do any good. I was jealous of Joel this afternoon when you sat on the arm of his chair.”
“You were?” She started up. “You were! Wasn't there somebody on the arm of your chair? And did you speak to me for two hours?”
“You were telling your troubles to Joel in the bedroom.”
“When I think that that woman”—she seemed to believe that to omit Eva Goebel's name would be to lessen her reality—“used to come here—”
“All right—all right,” said Miles wearily. “I've admitted everything and I feel as bad about it as you do.” Turning to Joel he began talking about pictures, while Stella moved restlessly along the far walls, her hands in her breeches pockets.
“They've treated Miles terribly,” she said, coming suddenly back into the conversation as if they'd never discussed her personal affairs. “Dear, tell him about old Beltzer trying to change your picture.”
As she stood hovering protectively over Miles, her eyes flashing with indignation in his behalf, Joel realized that he was in love with her. Stifled with excitement he got up to say good night.
With Monday the week resumed its workaday rhythm, in sharp contrast to the theoretical discussions, the gossip and scandal of Sunday; there was the endless detail of script revision—“Instead of a lousy dissolve, we can leave her voice on the sound track and cut to a medium shot of the taxi from Bell's angle or we can simply pull the camera back to include the station, hold it a minute and then pan to the row of taxis”—by Monday afternoon Joel had again forgotten that people whose business was to provide entertainment were ever privileged to be entertained. In the evening he phoned Miles' house. He asked for Miles but Stella came to the phone.
“Do things seem better?”
“Not particularly. What are you doing next Saturday evening?”
“Nothing.”
“The Perrys are giving a dinner and theater party and Miles won't be here—he's flying to South Bend to see the Notre Dame-California game. I thought you might go with me in his place.”
After a long moment Joel said, “Why—surely. If there's a conference I can't make dinner but I can get to the theater.”
“Then I'll say we can come.”
Joel walked his office. In view of the strained relations of the Calmans, would Miles be pleased, or did she intend that Miles shouldn't know of it? That would be out of the question—if Miles didn't mention it Joel would. But it was an hour or more before he could get down to work again.
Wednesday there was a four-hour wrangle in a conference room crowded with planets and nebulae of cigarette smoke. Three men and a woman paced the carpet in turn, suggesting or condemning, speaking sharply or persuasively, confidently or despairingly. At the end Joel lingered to talk to Miles.
The man was tired—not with the exaltation of fatigue but life-tired, with his lids sagging and his beard prominent over the blue shadows near his mouth.
“I hear you're flying to the Notre Dame game.”
Miles looked beyond him and shook his head.
“I've given up the idea.”
“Why?”
“On account of you.” Still he did not look at Joel.
“What the hell, Miles?”
“That's why I've given it up.” He broke into a perfunctory laugh at himself. “I can't tell what Stella might do just out of spite—she's invited you to take her to the Perrys', hasn't she? I wouldn't enjoy the game.”
The fine instinct that moved swiftly and confidently on the set, muddled so weakly and helplessly through his personal life.
“Look, Miles,” Joel said frowning. “I've never made any passes whatsoever at Stella. If you're really seriously cancelling your trip on account of me, I won't go to the Perrys' with her. I won't see her. You can trust me absolutely.”
Miles looked at him, carefully now.
“Maybe.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Anyhow there'd just be somebody else. I wouldn't have any fun.”
“You don't seem to have much confidence in Stella. She told me she'd always been true to you.”
“Maybe she has.” In the last few minutes several more muscles had sagged around Miles' mouth. “But how can I ask anything of her after what's happened? How can I expect her—”He broke off and his face grew harder as he said, “I'll tell you one thing, right or wrong and no matter what I've done, if I ever had anything on her I'd divorce her. I can't have my pride hurt—that would be the last straw.”
His tone annoyed Joel, but he said:
“Hasn't she calmed down about the Eva Goebel thing?”
“No.” Miles snuffled pessimistically. “I can't get over it either.”
“I thought it was finished.”
“I'm trying not to see Eva again, but you know it isn't easy just to drop something like that—it isn't some girl I kissed last night in a taxi! The psychoanalyst says—”
“I know,” Joel interrupted. “Stella told me.” This was depressing. “Well, as far as I'm concerned if you go to the game I won't see Stella. And I'm sure Stella has nothing on her conscience about anybody.”
“Maybe not,” Miles repeated listlessly. “Anyhow I'll stay and take her to the party. Say,” he said suddenly, “I wish you'd come too. I've got to have somebody sympathetic to talk to. That's the trouble—I've influenced Stella in everything. Especially I've influenced her so that she likes all the men I like—it's very difficult.”
“It must be,” Joel agreed.
又到了瘋狂的禮拜天。喬爾睡到十一點(diǎn)才起床。他看了一份報紙,了解一周以來的消息。他在家吃了午飯:鮭鱒魚、鱷梨沙拉、一品托加利福尼亞酒。他開始為參加茶會精心打扮。他挑了一件細(xì)格子紋西服,一件藍(lán)色襯衫,一條鮮艷的橙色領(lǐng)帶。他的兩只眼睛下面有兩個因疲勞形成的黑眼圈。他開著二手車朝里維埃拉公寓駛?cè)?。他向斯特拉的妹妹做自我介紹的時候,邁爾斯和斯特拉穿著騎馬裝進(jìn)來了——他們在回比弗利山莊的那條塵土飛揚(yáng)的路上吵得不可開交,差不多吵了整整一個下午。
邁爾斯·凱爾曼,個子很高,精神緊張,脾氣壞得令人絕望,有著喬爾以前從未見過的憂郁眼神。他是一位藝術(shù)家,從他那形狀奇特的頭頂?shù)剿呛谌怂频哪_指頭都透著藝術(shù)氣息。他穩(wěn)穩(wěn)地用自己那黑人似的腳站著——他從來不拍小成本電影,即使有時候他會因為拍攝豪華大片所導(dǎo)致的嘗試性失敗付出沉重的代價。盡管有他在場讓人覺得蓬蓽生輝,然而人們很快就能發(fā)現(xiàn),他不是一個正常的健康人。
從他們進(jìn)來的那一刻起,喬爾的時光就自然而然、不可避免地和他們密不可分了。他加入圍著他們的一群人當(dāng)中,斯特拉卻抽身離去,還不耐煩地咋著舌頭——而邁爾斯·凱爾曼在和碰巧站在他身邊的那個人說話:
“別再談伊娃·戈貝爾了吧,回家后我少不了為她的事煩心呢?!边~爾斯轉(zhuǎn)身對喬爾說:“不好意思,昨天在辦公室沒有見到你。我在精神病醫(yī)生的診所里度過了一個下午?!?/p>
“你在接受精神治療嗎?”
“已經(jīng)治療幾個月了。起先,我得了幽閉恐懼癥,現(xiàn)在我想進(jìn)行全面的治療。他們說這需要一年多時間?!?/p>
“你的生活沒有任何問題呀?!眴虪柊参克f。
“哦,沒有問題嗎?呃,斯特拉似乎覺得有問題。不過,問別的任何人——他們都會說沒問題?!彼酀卣f。
一個姑娘坐在了邁爾斯的椅子扶手上;喬爾向斯特拉走過去,她愁眉苦臉地站在火爐旁。
“謝謝您給我發(fā)電報,”他說,“您真是太好了。我無法想象像您這樣的大美人竟然會如此寬容仁慈?!?/p>
她比他以前見到她的時候更可愛,也許是因為他的眼神流露出排山倒海的崇拜促使她向他吐露心聲——他們交往的時間并不長,也許是因為她顯然正處于感情的爆發(fā)點(diǎn)上。
“兩年以來,邁爾斯一直都帶著這個賤人,我從來都不知情。哦,她是我最好的朋友之一,常常待在我家。最后,人們把真相告訴了我,邁爾斯才不得不承認(rèn)。”
她意氣用事地坐在喬爾的椅子扶手上。她的馬褲的顏色和椅子的顏色相同,喬爾發(fā)現(xiàn),她頭發(fā)濃密,像金色的波浪,還一縷深一縷淺的,肯定不是染出來的。她素面朝天,不施粉黛,真是出水芙蓉,天生麗質(zhì)啊——
斯特拉因為她的意外發(fā)現(xiàn)而氣得發(fā)抖,她覺得無法忍受一個新人圍著邁爾斯的場面。于是她把喬爾領(lǐng)進(jìn)臥室,他們倆分別坐在一張大床的兩頭繼續(xù)談話。去洗手間的人朝里面窺探著,說著風(fēng)涼話,然而,斯特拉全然不予理睬,一門心思地傾訴著自己的苦衷。過了一會兒,邁爾斯把頭伸進(jìn)來說:“想和喬爾說清楚是怎么回事,半個小時是不夠的,連我自己都弄不懂,精神醫(yī)生說需要整整一年才能弄清楚呢。”
她繼續(xù)訴苦,仿佛邁爾斯不存在一樣。她愛邁爾斯,她說——她克服重重困難,一直對他忠貞不貳。
“精神醫(yī)生告訴邁爾斯,他有戀母情結(jié)。在他的第一次婚姻里,他將戀母情結(jié)轉(zhuǎn)移到妻子身上,你知道——然后他將性愛給了我。然而,我們結(jié)婚后,同樣的事情重演了——他將戀母情結(jié)轉(zhuǎn)移到我身上,而將他的力比多都給了另外一個女人。”
喬爾知道斯特拉的話不可能是胡言亂語——然而聽起來卻很像是胡言亂語。他認(rèn)識伊娃·戈貝爾,她是一個慈母般的女人,比斯特拉年齡大,可能也比她聰明。而斯特拉與她相比簡直就是個金娃娃。
這時,邁爾斯不耐煩地提議,讓喬爾跟他們一起回家,因為斯特拉要說的話太多了。于是,他們驅(qū)車回到比弗利山莊的宅邸。在高高的天花板下面,情況似乎變得更加嚴(yán)峻,更加具有悲劇意味。這是個十分怪異的明亮的夜晚,所有的窗子將黑暗嚴(yán)嚴(yán)實(shí)實(shí)地?fù)踉诹送饷?。斯特拉在房子里面大發(fā)雷霆,又哭又叫。喬爾并不十分相信女電影演員們的悲傷。她們具有志得意滿的另一面——她們都是金玫瑰般的大美人,被作家和導(dǎo)演吹捧得活力四射,她們可以一連幾個小時圍坐在一起,說著悄悄話,別有用意地咯咯發(fā)笑,講著發(fā)生在她們身上的各種奇遇。
有時候他假裝在聽,實(shí)際上卻在想她打扮得多么精致——和她的兩條腿十分相稱的漂亮英氣的馬褲,意大利米色高領(lǐng)開衫,褐色的羚羊皮夾克。他無法斷定是她在模仿英國的富貴女子,還是英國的富貴女子在模仿她。她在介于最真實(shí)的現(xiàn)實(shí)與最露骨的表演之間的某個中間地帶游走徘徊。
“邁爾斯非常嫉妒我,無論我做什么,他都疑神疑鬼。”她輕蔑地大聲說,“我在紐約的時候給他寫信,說我和艾迪·貝克一起去看了一場電影,邁爾斯非常嫉妒,竟然在一天內(nèi)給我打了十次電話?!?/p>
“我當(dāng)時簡直要發(fā)瘋了,”邁爾斯使勁抽了一下鼻子說,他一緊張就會這樣,“害得精神醫(yī)生用了一個禮拜的時間都沒弄明白是怎么回事?!?/p>
斯特拉絕望地?fù)u搖頭?!澳阆M乙贿B三個禮拜都坐在賓館里嗎?”
“我什么都不希望。我承認(rèn)我很嫉妒。我盡力克制了。我和布里奇貝恩博士一起努力了,都沒有效果。今天下午你坐到喬爾的椅子扶手上時,我很嫉妒他?!?/p>
“是嗎?”她吃驚地說,“你也會嫉妒!難道沒有人坐到你的椅子扶手上嗎?整整兩個小時,你和我說過一句話嗎?”
“你在臥室里向喬爾訴苦呢。”
“我一想到那個女人——”她似乎以為不說出伊娃·戈貝爾的名字就能減輕她實(shí)際上的痛苦,“——以前常常來我們家——”
“好了——好了,”邁爾斯厭惡地說,“我已經(jīng)全都承認(rèn)了,我和你一樣,感覺糟透了?!彼D(zhuǎn)身和喬爾談?wù)撾娪?,斯特拉則兩手插在褲袋里,沿著墻,遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)地踱著步子。
“他們對邁爾斯非常不好?!彼f。她突然插入他們的談話當(dāng)中,仿佛他們從來都沒有談過她的私人問題似的。“親愛的,把老貝爾策要改動你的電影的事告訴他?!?/p>
她以保護(hù)神的姿態(tài)為邁爾斯挺身而出的時候,她的眼睛為了邁爾斯而閃射出怒不可遏的火焰,喬爾意識到自己愛上她了。他興奮得不能自持,立即起身告辭。
一個禮拜從禮拜一開始進(jìn)入工作狀態(tài),這與禮拜天的夸夸其談、流言蜚語和緋聞丑事形成了鮮明的對比。電影腳本的細(xì)節(jié)修改沒完沒了——“我們可以把她的聲音保留到聲道上,從貝爾的角度取一個出租車的中景,或者干脆把鏡頭拉回來,將車站也拍進(jìn)去,讓畫面定格一會兒,再取一排出租車的長景,以避免蹩腳的溶景?!薄搅硕Y拜一下午,喬爾竟忘了,從事娛樂行業(yè)的人也永遠(yuǎn)享有娛樂的特權(quán)。晚上,他撥通了邁爾斯家的電話。他找邁爾斯,斯特拉卻跑過來接電話。
“感覺好點(diǎn)了嗎?”
“不怎么好。下個禮拜六你有什么安排嗎?”
“沒什么安排?!?/p>
“佩里夫婦要舉行晚宴和戲劇表演派對。邁爾斯不去——他要飛往南本德去看圣母隊和加州隊的比賽。我想也許你可以替他陪我去?!?/p>
過了好一會兒,喬爾才說:“呃——當(dāng)然沒問題。如果要開討論會的話,我就不能去赴宴了,不過我可以去參加戲劇表演派對?!?/p>
“那么,我們就可以一去啰?!?/p>
喬爾在辦公室里踱著步子,由于凱爾曼夫婦的關(guān)系比較緊張,邁爾斯會高興嗎?或者她壓根就打算讓邁爾斯蒙在鼓里?這絕對辦不到——如果邁爾斯不提此事,喬爾也會告訴他的。當(dāng)他靜下心來重新投入工作時,一個多小時已經(jīng)過去了。
禮拜三有一場四個小時的討論會,會議室里群星薈萃,煙霧繚繞。三個男人和一個女人輪番走上地毯,有人提出建議,有人進(jìn)行指責(zé),有人厲聲呵斥,有人諄諄誘導(dǎo),有人自信滿滿,有人絕望失意。最后,喬爾留下來和邁爾斯談心。
這個男人很疲憊——不是那種興奮后的精疲力竭,而是對生活本身的厭倦,他眼皮松弛,滿臉胡須,把整個嘴部埋進(jìn)藍(lán)色的陰影里。
“聽說你準(zhǔn)備乘飛機(jī)去看圣母隊的比賽?!?/p>
邁爾斯的眼光越過他的頭頂,搖搖頭。
“我已經(jīng)改變主意了?!?/p>
“為什么?”
“因為你?!彼廊徊豢磫虪枴?/p>
“你在說什么,到底怎么了,邁爾斯?”
“這就是我改變主意的原因。”他突然故作開心地爆發(fā)出一陣自嘲式的笑聲,“我不明白斯特拉這么做是不是出于對我的鄙視——她邀請你陪她去佩里家,是嗎?我可沒有心思去欣賞那場比賽了。”
邁爾斯具有良好的導(dǎo)演天資,他拍攝電影時既機(jī)敏又充滿自信,然而這種稟賦在應(yīng)付他的私人生活方面卻顯得輕弱而又無可奈何。
“聽著,邁爾斯,”喬爾皺著眉頭說,“我從來沒有挑逗過斯特拉。如果你因為我的緣故要取消行程,我不會陪她去佩里家,也不會去見她。你大可以放心。”
邁爾斯仔細(xì)地看著他。
“也許吧,”他聳聳肩,“無論如何,總會有別人的。我已經(jīng)開心不起來了?!?/p>
“你對斯特拉似乎缺乏信心。她告訴我她一直對你忠貞不貳。”
“也許是這樣?!痹谶@最后幾分鐘里,邁爾斯的嘴部肌肉終于松弛下來了,“但是,發(fā)生了那種事情以后,我還怎么有資格向她要求什么呢?我怎么能指望她——”他不說了,接下來說話的時候,他的臉繃得緊緊的,“不妨告訴你,對也好,錯也罷,也不管我做了什么,如果我還要對她做什么的話,那就是和她離婚。我不允許我的自尊受到傷害——離婚是最后一步棋?!?/p>
他的腔調(diào)激怒了喬爾,不過他說道:
“難道她還沒有從伊娃·戈貝爾的事情中冷靜下來嗎?”
“沒有?!边~爾斯抽了一下鼻子,悲觀地說,“我也無法冷靜下來。”
“我以為事情都過去了?!?/p>
“我盡量不再和伊娃見面,但是你知道,這種事情要放下有多難——她不是昨天夜里我在出租車?yán)镫S便親吻的女孩子!精神醫(yī)生說——”
“我已經(jīng)知道了,”喬爾打斷他的話,“斯特拉告訴我了。”這真是令人沮喪?!芭?,如果你去看比賽,我想我也不會去見斯特拉。而且我相信斯特拉沒有辜負(fù)任何人?!?/p>
“也許是這樣?!边~爾斯無精打采地重復(fù)著說?!安还茉鯓?,我會留下來,陪她去參加聚會。嗨,”他突然說,“希望你也來。我得有個理解我的人聊聊天。麻煩就在這里——我在各個方面都對斯特拉施加了影響,特別是,她受到我的影響,凡是我喜歡的男人,她也都喜歡——這事很難辦?!?/p>
“一定是這樣的?!眴虪柋硎举澩?。
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