Bernard had to shout through the locked door; the Savage would not open.
“But everybody's there, waiting for you.”
“Let them wait,” came back the muffled voice through the door.
“But you know quite well, John” (how difficult it is to sound persuasive at the top of one's voice!), “I asked them on purpose to meet you.”
“You ought to have asked me first whether I wanted to meet them.”
“But you always came before, John.”
“That's precisely why I don't want to come again.”
“Just to please me,” Bernard bellowingly wheedled. “Won't you come to please me?”
“No.”
“Do you seriously mean it?”
“Yes.”
Despairingly, “But what shall I do?” Bernard wailed.
“Go to hell!” bawled the exasperated voice from within.
“But the Arch-Community-Songster of Canterbury is there to-night.” Bernard was almost in tears.
“Ai yaa tákwa!” It was only in Zuñi that the Savage could adequately express what he felt about the Arch-Community-Songster. “Háni!” he added as an after-thought; and then (with what derisive ferocity!): “Sons éso tse-ná.” And he spat on the ground, as Popé might have done.
In the end Bernard had to slink back, diminished, to his rooms and inform the impatient assembly that the Savage would not be appearing that evening. The news was received with indignation. The men were furious at having been tricked into behaving politely to this insignificant fellow with the unsavoury reputation and the heretical opinions. The higher their position in the hierarchy, the deeper their resentment.
“To play such a joke on me,” the Arch-Songster kept repeating, “on me!”
As for the women, they indignantly felt that they had been had on false pretences—had by a wretched little man who had had alcohol poured into his bottle by mistake—by a creature with a Gamma-Minus physique. It was an outrage, and they said so, more and more loudly. The Head Mistress of Eton was particularly scathing.
Lenina alone said nothing. Pale, her blue eyes clouded with an unwonted melancholy, she sat in a corner, cut off from those who surrounded her by an emotion which they did not share. She had come to the party filled with a strange feeling of anxious exultation. “In a few minutes,” she had said to herself, as she entered the room, “I shall be seeing him, talking to him, telling him” (for she had come with her mind made up) “that I like him—more than anybody I've ever known. And then perhaps he'll say…”
What would he say? The blood had rushed to her cheeks.
“Why was he so strange the other night, after the feelies? So queer. And yet I'm absolutely sure he really does rather like me. I'm sure…”
It was at this moment that Bernard had made his announcement; the Savage wasn't coming to the party.
Lenina suddenly felt all the sensations normally experienced at the beginning of a Violent Passion Surrogate treatment—a sense of dreadful emptiness, a breathless apprehension, a nausea. Her heart seemed to stop beating.
“Perhaps it's because he doesn't like me,” she said to herself. And at once this possibility became an established certainty: John had refused to come because he didn't like her. He didn't like her….
“It really is a bit too thick,” the Head Mistress of Eton was saying to the Director of Crematoria and Phosphorus Reclamation. “When I think that I actually…”
“Yes,” came the voice of Fanny Crowne, “it's absolutely true about the alcohol. Some one I know knew some one who was working in the Embryo Store at the time. She said to my friend, and my friend said to me…”
“Too bad, too bad,” said Henry Foster, sympathizing with the Arch-Community-Songster. “It may interest you to know that our ex-Director was on the point of transferring him to Iceland.”
Pierced by every word that was spoken, the tight balloon of Bernard's happy self-confidence was leaking from a thousand wounds. Pale, distraught, abject and agitated, he moved among his guests, stammering incoherent apologies, assuring them that next time the Savage would certainly be there, begging them to sit down and take a carotene sandwich, a slice of vitamin A pâté, a glass of champagne-surrogate. They duly ate, but ignored him; drank and were either rude to his face or talked to one another about him, loudly and offensively, as though he had not been there.
“And now, my friends,” said the Arch-Community-Songster of Canterbury, in that beautiful ringing voice with which he led the proceedings at Ford's Day Celebrations, “now, my friends, I think perhaps the time has come…” He rose, put down his glass, brushed from his purple viscose waistcoat the crumbs of a considerable collation, and walked towards the door.
Bernard darted forward to intercept him.
“Must you really, Arch-Songster?…It's very early still. I'd hoped you would…”
Yes, what hadn't he hoped, when Lenina confidentially told him that the Arch-Community-Songster would accept an invitation if it were sent. “He's really rather sweet, you know.” And she had shown Bernard the little golden zipper—fastening in the form of a T which the Arch-Songster had given her as a memento of the week-end she had spent at Lambeth. To meet the Arch-Community-Songster of Canterbury and Mr. Savage. Bernard had proclaimed his triumph on every invitation card. But the Savage had chosen this evening of all evenings to lock himself up in his room, to shout “Háni!” and even (it was lucky that Bernard didn't understand Zuñi) “Sons éso tse-ná!” What should have been the crowning moment of Bernard's whole career had turned out to be the moment of his greatest humiliation.
“I'd so much hoped…” he stammeringly repeated, looking up at the great dignitary with pleading and distracted eyes.
“My young friend,” said the Arch-Community-Songster in a tone of loud and solemn severity; there was a general silence. “Let me give you a word of advice.” He wagged his finger at Bernard. “Before it's too late. A word of good advice.” (His voice became sepulchral.) “Mend your ways, my young friend, mend your ways.” He made the sign of the T over him and turned away. “Lenina, my dear,” he called in another tone. “Come with me.”
Obediently, but unsmiling and (wholly insensible of the honour done to her) without elation, Lenina walked after him, out of the room. The other guests followed at a respectful interval. The last of them slammed the door. Bernard was all alone.
Punctured, utterly deflated, he dropped into a chair and, covering his face with his hands, began to weep. A few minutes later, however, he thought better of it and took four tablets of soma.
Upstairs in his room the Savage was reading Romeo and Juliet.
Lenina and the Arch-Community-Songster stepped out on to the roof of Lambeth Palace. “Hurry up, my young friend—I mean, Lenina,” called the Arch-Songster impatiently from the lift gates. Lenina, who had lingered for a moment to look at the moon, dropped her eyes and came hurrying across the roof to rejoin him.
“A New Theory of Biology” was the title of the paper which Mustapha Mond had just finished reading. He sat for some time, meditatively frowning, then picked up his pen and wrote across the title-page: “The author's mathematical treatment of the conception of purpose is novel and highly ingenious, but heretical and, so far as the present social order is concerned, dangerous and potentially subversive. Not to be published.” He underlined the words. “The author will be kept under supervision. His transference to the Marine Biological Station of St. Helena may become necessary.” A pity, he thought, as he signed his name. It was a masterly piece of work. But once you began admitting explanations in terms of purpose—well, you didn't know what the result might be. It was the sort of idea that might easily decondition the more unsettled minds among the higher castes—make them lose their faith in happiness as the Sovereign Good and take to believing, instead, that the goal was somewhere beyond, somewhere outside the present human sphere, that the purpose of life was not the maintenance of well-being, but some intensification and refining of consciousness, some enlargement of knowledge. Which was, the Controller reflected, quite possibly true. But not, in the present circumstance, admissible. He picked up his pen again, and under the words “Not to be published” drew a second line, thicker and blacker than the first; then sighed. “What fun it would be,” he thought, “if one didn't have to think about happiness!”
With closed eyes, his face shining with rapture, John was softly declaiming to vacancy:
“Oh! she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night,
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear;
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear…”
The golden T lay shining on Lenina's bosom. Sportively, the Arch-Community-Songster caught hold of it, sportively he pulled, pulled. “I think,” said Lenina suddenly, breaking a long silence, “I'd better take a couple of grammes of soma.”
Bernard, by this time, was fast asleep and smiling at the private paradise of his dreams. Smiling, smiling. But inexorably, every thirty seconds, the minute hand of the electric clock above his bed jumped forward with an almost imperceptible click. Click, click, click, click…And it was morning. Bernard was back among the miseries of space and time. It was in the lowest spirits that he taxied across to his work at the Conditioning Centre. The intoxication of success had evaporated; he was soberly his old self; and by contrast with the temporary balloon of these last weeks, the old self seemed unprecedentedly heavier than the surrounding atmosphere.
To this deflated Bernard the Savage showed himself unexpectedly sympathetic.
“You're more like what you were at Malpais,” he said, when Bernard had told him his plaintive story. “Do you remember when we first talked together? Outside the little house. You're like what you were then.”
“Because I'm unhappy again; that's why.”
“Well, I'd rather be unhappy than have the sort of false, lying happiness you were having here.”
“I like that,” said Bernard bitterly. “When it's you who were the cause of it all. Refusing to come to my party and so turning them all against me!” He knew that what he was saying was absurd in its injustice; he admitted inwardly, and at last even aloud, the truth of all that the Savage now said about the worthlessness of friends who could be turned upon so slight a provocation into persecuting enemies. But in spite of this knowledge and these admissions, in spite of the fact that his friend's support and sympathy were now his only comfort, Bernard continued perversely to nourish, along with his quite genuine affection, a secret grievance against the Savage, to mediate a campaign of small revenges to be wreaked upon him. Nourishing a grievance against the Arch-Community-Songster was useless; there was no possibility of being revenged on the Chief Bottler or the Assistant Predestinator. As a victim, the Savage possessed, for Bernard, this enormous superiority over the others: that he was accessible. One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer (in a milder and symbolic form) the punishments that we should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies.
Bernard's other victim-friend was Helmholtz. When, discomfited, he came and asked once more for the friendship which, in his prosperity, he had not thought it worth his while to preserve, Helmholtz gave it; and gave it without a reproach, without a comment, as though he had forgotten that there had ever been a quarrel. Touched, Bernard felt himself at the same time humiliated by this magnanimity—a magnanimity the more extraordinary and therefore the more humiliating in that it owed nothing to soma and everything to Helmholtz's character. It was the Helmholtz of daily life who forgot and forgave, not the Helmholtz of a half-gramme holiday. Bernard was duly grateful (it was an enormous comfort to have his friend again) and also duly resentful (it would be pleasure to take some revenge on Helmholtz for his generosity).
At their first meeting after the estrangement, Bernard poured out the tale of his miseries and accepted consolation. It was not till some days later that he learned, to his surprise and with a twinge of shame, that he was not the only one who had been in trouble. Helmholtz had also come into conflict with Authority.
“It was over some rhymes,” he explained. “I was giving my usual course of Advanced Emotional Engineering for Third Year Students. Twelve lectures, of which the seventh is about rhymes. ‘On the Use of Rhymes in Moral Propaganda and Advertisement,’ to be precise. I always illustrate my lecture with a lot of technical examples. This time I thought I'd give them one I'd just written myself. Pure madness, of course; but I couldn't resist it.” He laughed. “I was curious to see what their reactions would be. Besides,” he added more gravely, “I wanted to do a bit of propaganda; I was trying to engineer them into feeling as I'd felt when I wrote the rhymes. Ford!” He laughed again. “What an outcry there was! The Principal had me up and threatened to hand me the immediate sack. I'm a marked man.”
“But what were your rhymes?” Bernard asked.
“They were about being alone.”
Bernard's eyebrows went up.
“I'll recite them to you, if you like.” And Helmholtz began:
“Yesterday's committee,
Sticks, but a broken drum,
Midnight in the City,
Flutes in a vacuum,
Shut lips, sleeping faces,
Every stopped machine,
The dumb and littered places
Where crowds have been—
All silences rejoice,
Weep (loudly or low),
Speak—but with the voice
Of whom, I do not know.
Absence, say, of Susan's,
Absence of Egeria's
Arms and respective bosoms,
Lips and, ah, posteriors,
Slowly form a presence;
Whose? And I ask, of what
So absurd an essence,
That something, which is not,
Nevertheless should populate
Empty night more solidly
Than that with which we copulate,
Why should it seem so squalidly?
Well, I gave them that as an example, and they reported me to the Principal.”
“I'm not surprised,” said Bernard. “It's flatly against all their sleep-teaching. Remember, they've had at least a quarter of a million warnings against solitude.”
“I know. But I thought I'd like to see what the effect would be.”
“Well, you've seen now.”
Helmholtz only laughed. “I feel,” he said, after a silence, as though I were just beginning to have something to write about. As though I were beginning to be able to use that power I feel I've got inside me—that extra, latent power. Something seems to be coming to me.” In spite of all his troubles, he seemed, Bernard thought, profoundly happy.
Helmholtz and the Savage took to one another at once. So cordially indeed that Bernard felt a sharp pang of jealousy. In all these weeks he had never come to so close an intimacy with the Savage as Helmholtz immediately achieved. Watching them, listening to their talk, he found himself sometimes resentfully wishing that he had never brought them together. He was ashamed of his jealousy and alternately made efforts of will and took soma to keep himself from feeling it. But the efforts were not very successful; and between the soma-holidays there were, of necessity, intervals. The odious sentiment kept on returning.
At his third meeting with the Savage, Helmholtz recited his rhymes on Solitude.
“What do you think of them?” he asked when he had done.
The Savage shook his head. “Listen to this,” was his answer; and unlocking the drawer in which he kept his mouse-eaten book, he opened and read:
“Let the bird of loudest lay
On the sole Arabian tree,
Herald sad and trumpet be…”
Helmholtz listened with a growing excitement. At “sole Arabian tree” he started; at “thou shrieking harbinger” he smiled with sudden pleasure; at “every fowl of tyrant wing” the blood rushed up into his cheeks; but at “defunctive music” he turned pale and trembled with an unprecedented emotion. The Savage read on:
“Property was thus appall'd,
That the self was not the same;
Single nature's double name
Neither two nor one was call'd.
Reason in itself confounded
Saw division grow together…”
“Orgy-porgy!” said Bernard, interrupting the reading with a loud, unpleasant laugh. “It's just a Solidarity Service hymn.” He was revenging himself on his two friends for liking one another more than they liked him.
In the course of their next two or three meetings he frequently repeated this little act of vengeance. It was simple and, since both Helmholtz and the Savage were dreadfully pained by the shattering and defilement of a favourite poetic crystal, extremely effective. In the end, Helmholtz threatened to kick him out of the room if he dared to interrupt again. And yet, strangely enough, the next interruption, the most disgraceful of all, came from Helmholtz himself.
The Savage was reading Romeo and Juliet aloud—reading (for all the time he was seeing himself as Romeo and Lenina as Juliet) with an intense and quivering passion. Helmholtz had listened to the scene of the lovers' first meeting with a puzzled interest. The scene in the orchard had delighted him with its poetry; but the sentiments expressed had made him smile. Getting into such a state about having a girl—it seemed rather ridiculous. But, taken detail by verbal detail, what a superb piece of emotional engineering! “That old fellow,” he said, “he makes our best propaganda technicians look absolutely silly.” The Savage smiled triumphantly and resumed his reading. All went tolerably well until, in the last scene of the third act, Capulet and Lady Capulet began to bully Juliet to marry Paris. Helmholtz had been restless throughout the entire scene; but when, pathetically mimed by the Savage, Juliet cried out:
“Is there no pity sitting in the clouds,
That sees into the bottom of my grief?
O sweet my mother, cast me not away:
Delay this marriage for a month, a week;
Or, if you do not, make the bridal bed
In that dim monument where Tybalt lies…”
when Juliet said this, Helmholtz broke out in an explosion of uncontrolla-ble guffawing.
The mother and father (grotesque obscenity) forcing the daughter to have some one she didn't want! And the idiotic girl not saying that she was having some one else whom (for the moment, at any rate) she preferred! In its smutty absurdity the situation was irresistibly comical. He had managed, with a heroic effort, to hold down the mounting pressure of his hilarity; but “sweet mother” (in the Savage's tremulous tone of anguish) and the reference to Tybalt lying dead, but evidently uncremated and wasting his phosphorus on a dim monument, were too much for him. He laughed and laughed till the tears streamed down his face—quenchlessly laughed while, pale with a sense of outrage, the Savage looked at him over the top of his book and then, as the laughter still continued, closed it indignantly, got up and, with the gesture of one who removes his pearl from before swine, locked it away in its drawer.
“And yet,” said Helmholtz when, having recovered breath enough to apologize, he had mollified the Savage into listening to his explanations, “I know quite well that one needs ridiculous, mad situations like that; one can't write really well about anything else. Why was that old fellow such a marvellous propaganda technician? Because he had so many insane, excruciating things to get excited about. You've got to be hurt and upset; otherwise you can't think of the really good, penetrating, X-rayish phrases. But fathers and mothers!” He shook his head. “You can't expect me to keep a straight face about fathers and mothers. And who's going to get excited about a boy having a girl or not having her?” (The Savage winced; but Helmholtz, who was staring pensively at the floor, saw nothing.) “No.” he concluded, with a sigh, “it won't do. We need some other kind of madness and violence. But what? What? Where can one find it?” He was silent; then, shaking his head, “I don't know,” he said at last, “I don't know.”
伯納德不得不對著緊鎖的門大喊,野蠻人就是不開門。
“可大家都在那里,等著你呢。”
“就讓他們等著吧。”從門里面?zhèn)鱽懋Y聲甕氣的聲音。
“可是,你很清楚,約翰,”(尖著嗓子大喊還想讓聲音具有說服力,這太難了?。?ldquo;我是特意邀請他們來見你的。”
“你應(yīng)該先問問我是否想見他們。”
“可你以前一直都來的,約翰。”
“所以我今天才不想去了。”
“就算是為了我高興吧,”伯納德大喊著,哄著他,“難道你不想讓我高興嗎?”
“不想。”
“你真是這么想的嗎?”
“是的。”
絕望了。“我該怎么辦呢?”伯納德號叫起來。
“見鬼去吧!”里面的聲音氣急敗壞地叫道。
“可是,今天晚上,坎特伯雷唱堂的首席歌唱家在這里呢。”伯納德的眼淚都要出來了。
“哎呀呀塔克瓦!”只有用祖尼語,野蠻人才能充分表達自己對于這個首席歌唱家的看法。“哈尼!”他想了想,加了一句,然后還說(多么嘲諷,多么兇惡?。?ldquo;桑斯埃索嚓那!”他往地上啐了一口,就像波培會做的那樣。
最后,伯納德泄了氣,不得不灰溜溜地回到房間,通知那些等得不耐煩的人,說今天晚上野蠻人不來了。聽到這個消息,人們頓時義憤填膺。那些男人們很是氣憤,覺得自己被欺騙了,對這個名聲不好又持有異端思想的微不足道的家伙過于禮貌。他們的地位越高,惱恨越深。
“居然跟我開這種玩笑,”首席歌唱家不停地說,“跟我!”
至于那些女人,她們也非常憤慨,覺得自己上當(dāng)了,讓這個可憐的小人物得手了,瓶子里錯誤地摻入了酒精的這個家伙,這個身材跟伽馬-差不多的家伙。這真是奇恥大辱,她們說,聲音越來越大,伊頓的女校長尤其刻薄。
只有列寧娜一言不發(fā)。她坐在角落里,臉色蒼白,藍色的眼睛里籠罩著不常見的憂郁神情,因為和周圍的人情緒迥然不同,她同他們隔離開了。她來到這個聚會時,還懷著一種奇怪的情緒,既焦急又興奮。“再過幾分鐘,”她進入房間時心里想,“我就能看到他了,和他講話,告訴他——”(她是下定了決心來的)“我喜歡他,比對我認識的任何人都喜歡。然后,他可能會說……”
他會說什么呢?血液涌上了她的臉頰。
“那天晚上,看完感官電影之后,他怎么那么奇怪呢?那么奇怪??墒牵液芸隙?,他非常喜歡我。我肯定……”
就在這時,伯納德宣布了那條消息。野蠻人不來參加這個聚會了。
列寧娜突然感到了經(jīng)受“強烈情感替代療法”時的那種通常體驗,那是一種可怕的空虛感,一陣讓人喘不上來氣的擔(dān)憂,一陣惡心。她的心臟似乎停止了跳動。
“也許是因為他不喜歡我。”她心里想。這種可能性立刻轉(zhuǎn)變成既定事實:約翰拒絕來,是因為他不喜歡她。他不喜歡她……
“這真是有點太蠢了,”伊頓的女校長對火葬與磷回收中心主任說,“我還想著真能……”
“是的,”范妮·克朗的聲音傳來,“關(guān)于酒精的說法絕對是真的。我的一個朋友認識一個當(dāng)時在胚胎庫工作的人。她對我的朋友說的,我的朋友又告訴了我……”
“太糟糕了,太糟糕了。”亨利·福斯特說,非常同情那個首席歌唱家,“你可能對這個感興趣,我們的前主任差一點就要把他調(diào)到冰島去了。”
大家說的每一句話都深深地刺傷了伯納德,他那本來開心的、密封的自信心氣球開始變得傷痕累累,逐漸漏氣。他臉色蒼白,神情凄切,憂心如焚,焦慮不安。他在客人中間穿梭不迭,磕磕巴巴地說著含混不清的道歉話,并向他們保證下一次野蠻人肯定會來,乞求他們坐下,吃塊胡蘿卜素三明治,吃一片維他命A小面餅,或者喝一杯代香檳。于是,他們吃了,喝了,可是依然對他視若無睹,要么當(dāng)著他的面就出言不遜,要么在他背后議論紛紛,聲音很大,很不客氣,就好像他不在場一樣。
“現(xiàn)在,我的朋友們,”坎特伯雷唱堂的首席歌唱家說,聲音悅耳洪亮,一如他在福帝日慶祝中領(lǐng)唱時那樣,“現(xiàn)在,我的朋友們,我想已經(jīng)是時候了……”他站了起來,放下杯子,從紫紅色的黏膠馬甲上撣掉點心碎屑,向門口走去。
伯納德沖向前,想攔住他。
“您一定要走嗎,首席歌唱家先生?……還很早呢。我本來希望您會……”
是啊,當(dāng)列寧娜悄悄告訴他,如果首席歌唱家受到邀請,他將很樂意前來時,他曾抱有多少希望啊。“他真的非常可愛,你知道的。”列寧娜還給伯納德看了看一個小小的T字形狀的金色拉鏈頭,那是首席歌唱家送給她的,為了紀念他們在蘭貝斯一起度過的周末。“來覲見坎特伯雷唱堂的首席歌唱家和野蠻人先生。”伯納德在每一張邀請函上都得意地印上了這一大成果??墒?,野蠻人偏偏選了今天晚上把自己鎖在房間里,大喊“哈尼!”甚至(幸好伯納德不懂祖尼語)“桑斯埃索嚓那!”?,F(xiàn)在本來應(yīng)該是伯納德生涯中的一大輝煌時刻,沒想到卻成了他生命中恥辱最深的時刻。
“我本來非常希望……”他磕磕巴巴地說了一遍又一遍,抬頭望著那個大人物,眼神里滿是央求,一副心煩意亂的樣子。
“我的年輕朋友,”首席歌唱家的聲音洪亮而嚴厲,周圍一片寂靜,“我給你一點建議吧,”他對著伯納德?lián)u了搖手指頭,“在一切都還來得及的時候,給你一點建議。”(他的聲音變得很陰沉。)“改過自新吧,年輕的朋友,改過自新。”他在伯納德頭上劃了個T字,轉(zhuǎn)過身去。“列寧娜,親愛的,”他用另一種語氣說,“跟我來。”
列寧娜順從地跟在他身后,走出房間,可臉上沒有一絲笑意,也不帶絲毫得意之色(對這個莫大的榮譽完全無動于衷)。其他客人恭恭敬敬地稍作等候,也跟著出去了。走在最后的人砰的一聲把門關(guān)上了。只剩下伯納德一個人。
伯納德的自尊心的氣球被戳破了,完全泄了氣,他一下子跌坐在椅子上,用手蒙住臉,開始哭泣。可是,過了一會兒,他又停住了,掏出了四片唆麻。
在樓上的房間里,野蠻人正在讀《羅密歐與朱麗葉》。
列寧娜和首席歌唱家步出飛機,走上蘭貝斯宮的樓頂。“快點,我的年輕朋友,我是說,列寧娜。”首席歌唱家在電梯門口不耐煩地叫著她。列寧娜逗留了一會兒,想看一眼月亮。她垂下眼簾,匆匆走過樓頂,來到他身邊。
“生物學(xué)之新理論”,這是穆斯塔法·蒙德剛剛讀完的一篇論文的題目。他坐在那里,皺著眉頭沉思了片刻,之后,他拿起了筆,在扉頁上寫道:“作者以數(shù)學(xué)理論處理目標概念,非常新穎,非常有創(chuàng)意,但卻是旁門左道,從現(xiàn)今社會秩序的角度來看,非常危險,具有潛在的顛覆性。不予發(fā)表。”他在這句話下面劃了一道線,“對作者進行密切監(jiān)視。有必要將他調(diào)往圣赫勒拿島的海洋生物站。”有點可惜,他簽名時想。這是一篇非常高明的文章。可是,一旦在目標問題上允許其他解釋,唉,簡直不能預(yù)測會出現(xiàn)什么結(jié)果。這種想法可能很容易就破壞了那些較為不穩(wěn)定的高種姓人群頭腦中的條件設(shè)置,讓他們不再相信幸福等同于最高的善這一信念,而是開始相信,目標存在于幸福之外,超出目前人類的領(lǐng)域,生命的目標不在于維持安樂狀態(tài),而是增強和完善意識、拓展知識。這很可能是對的,控制官思考著。但是,在目前的情況下,是不允許的。他又拿起筆,在“不予發(fā)表”下面又畫了一條線,比第一道更粗更黑,然后,他嘆了口氣,心里想:“如果不必總是想著幸福,那該多有趣?。?rdquo;
約翰的眼睛閉著,臉上閃著狂喜的光,他正對著虛空柔情蜜意地念著:
“??!火炬遠不及她的明亮;
她皎然懸在暮天的頰上,
像黑奴耳邊璀璨的珠環(huán);
她是天上明珠降落人間……”(1)
金色的T字掛在列寧娜的胸前,亮閃閃的,首席歌唱家鬧著玩般地把它抓在手里,又鬧著玩般地拉著,拽著。“我想,”列寧娜突然說,打破了長時間的沉默,“我最好吃一兩克唆麻。”
此時,伯納德早已酣然入睡,在夢境中的私人天堂里,他微笑著,微笑著,微笑著。但不可改變的是,每過三十秒,床上方的電子鐘的分針就咔嗒一聲,往前跳一步,聲音輕微得幾乎聽不見,咔嗒,咔嗒,咔嗒,咔嗒……于是,早晨到來了。伯納德又返回到此時此地的痛苦中。他懷著最低沉的情緒,乘坐出租飛機來到訓(xùn)練中心上班。成功帶來的陶醉感已經(jīng)煙消云散,他清醒了,變回了那個過去的自我。同過去幾周那個短暫的氣球相比,這個過去的自我在周圍的氛圍中顯得前所未有地沉重。
對這個泄了氣的伯納德,野蠻人頗為同情,這倒是出乎他的預(yù)料。
“你更像在瑪爾帕斯的時候了。”當(dāng)伯納德對他講了聚會上的傷心事,野蠻人說,“你還記得我們倆第一次談話的時候嗎?在小房子的外面。你就和那個時候一樣。”
“因為我又不開心了,這就是原因。”
“嗯,我倒是寧愿不開心,也不要你以前那種虛假的開心。”
“我喜歡那個。”伯納德恨恨地說,“你是造成這一切的原因。拒絕來我的聚會,讓他們都反對我了!”他知道他現(xiàn)在這么說話不公平,也很荒唐。他內(nèi)心也承認,最后甚至也大聲承認了,野蠻人說的話是有道理的,那些有一丁點理由就反目成仇的朋友根本一文不值。不過,盡管伯納德明白這些,盡管他這個朋友的支持和同情是他目前唯一的安慰,盡管他對野蠻人的態(tài)度中還有真心的喜愛,但他私下里仍然懷有怨恨之情,并思考著如何對他實施一些小小的報復(fù)。對首席歌唱家抱有怨恨是毫無用處的,也根本沒有報復(fù)裝瓶室主任或命運預(yù)定室主任助理的可能性。對伯納德來說,作為報復(fù)對象,野蠻人擁有其他人沒有的巨大優(yōu)勢:他近在咫尺。朋友的一個主要功能就是吃點苦頭(以溫和的、象征性的方式),吃點我們愿意但卻沒有能力讓我們的敵人吃的苦頭。
伯納德的另一個報復(fù)對象兼朋友是赫爾姆霍茨。當(dāng)他窘迫不安地來到后者的身邊,尋求他在發(fā)達時認為不再值得保持的友誼時,赫爾姆霍茨給了他友誼,毫無抱怨、不加評論地給了他友誼,好像他已經(jīng)忘記二人之間曾有爭吵。伯納德既感動,又覺得這種慷慨大度是對自己的羞辱。這種慷慨大度根本不是唆麻的功勞,而完全是赫爾姆霍茨的性格使然,因此就益發(fā)顯得不同尋常,益發(fā)令他感到羞辱。是日常生活中的赫爾姆霍茨,而不是吃了半克唆麻在度假中的赫爾姆霍茨,忘卻了,原諒了。伯納德因此心懷感激(再次擁有這個朋友真是一大安慰),卻也因此心懷怨恨(如果能夠報復(fù)一下赫爾姆霍茨的大度該有多么痛快)。
在他們關(guān)系疏遠之后的第一次會面中,伯納德對他傾訴了自己的悲慘遭遇,也得到了安慰。幾天之后,他才得知,遇到麻煩的人不只是他自己,這令他既吃驚又有點羞愧。赫爾姆霍茨也和當(dāng)局之間產(chǎn)生了矛盾。
“是因為一些順口溜,”他解釋道,“我正在給三年級的學(xué)生上我的高級情感工程課。一共有十二次課,第七課是關(guān)于順口溜的,具體來說,就是‘關(guān)于道德宣傳和廣告中順口溜的使用’。我總是用很多例子來講解我的課。那一次,我想給他們講講我剛寫的一首。純粹是瘋了,這是當(dāng)然的,可是我就是沒有抑制住這個想法。”他笑了笑,“我很好奇,想看看他們的反應(yīng)如何。另外,”他更加嚴肅地補充,“我想做點宣傳,我想讓他們感受到我寫詩時的那些情感。福帝!”他又笑了,“引起了多么強烈的抗議!校長把我叫過去,威脅要立即開除我。我已經(jīng)是眾人矚目的人了。”
“你的順口溜是什么樣的?”伯納德問。
“是關(guān)于孤獨的。”
伯納德的眉毛揚了起來。
“我給你背誦一下,如果你想聽的話。”于是,赫爾姆霍茨背開了:
“昨日的委員會,
支離破碎,如殘破的鼓,
子夜時的城市,
真空中的笛聲,
合緊的嘴唇,安睡的臉,
每臺停止的機器,
雜物亂扔的寂靜場地,
人群曾經(jīng)來來去去——
所有的靜寂都在歡呼,
或者哭泣(高聲或者低語),
說出來吧,以那種
我所不知的嗓音。
蘇珊的缺席,
或者,愛杰莉亞,
她的手臂和各自的胸脯,
各自的嘴唇和臀,
逐漸形成了人體;
誰的?我問,
其中本質(zhì)多么荒唐,
那種東西,又不似什么東西,
卻會在空虛的深夜
迅速繁殖,比我們的交媾
還要真實,
為什么它看似如此污穢?
“嗯,我就拿這個作為例子,然后,學(xué)生們報告給校長了。”
“我一點也不吃驚,”伯納德說,“這和他們睡眠教育的內(nèi)容是完全背道而馳的。記住,他們已經(jīng)接受過至少二十五萬次針對孤獨的警告了。”
“我知道,可是,我當(dāng)時想看看效果究竟會怎么樣。”
“嗯,你現(xiàn)在看到了。”
赫爾姆霍茨只是笑了笑。“我感到,”沉默了一會兒后,他說,“好像我剛剛找到了可以寫作的東西,好像我剛剛有能力利用我身體內(nèi)部的那種力量,那種額外的、潛在的力量。好像我身上有什么事情發(fā)生了。”伯納德想,盡管他遭遇了麻煩,但他看起來卻非??鞓?。
赫爾姆霍茨和野蠻人一見如故。他們兩個的關(guān)系是那么融洽,伯納德甚至都感覺到一陣強烈的嫉妒。在過去的那些星期里,他從來沒有和野蠻人達到那么親密的程度,赫爾姆霍茨卻立刻做到了。看著他們兩個,聽著他們的談話,他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己有時候在怨恨,希望當(dāng)初沒有把他們兩個人介紹給對方。他為自己的嫉妒感到羞愧,有時會努力靠自己的意志力戰(zhàn)勝嫉妒,間或也吃點唆麻來逃避這種嫉妒??墒且庵玖Σ惶晒Γ欢谒袈榧倨谥g總是會有間隔的,所以這種可怕的情緒還是會不斷出現(xiàn)。
赫爾姆霍茨第三次和野蠻人會面時,朗誦了那首關(guān)于孤獨的順口溜。
“你覺得怎么樣?”朗誦完之后,他問。
野蠻人搖搖頭。“你聽聽這個。”他回答。他打開收藏那本老鼠啃過的書的抽屜,翻開書,開始讀:
“讓最激越的鳥兒棲息,
在阿拉伯孤獨的樹上,
請它做先驅(qū)和號角……”(2)
赫爾姆霍茨聽得越來越激動。聽到“阿拉伯孤獨的樹”時,他嚇了一跳;聽到“你這嘶叫的使者”時,他突然開心地微笑了;聽到“一切霸道的翅膀”時,血液涌上了他的雙頰;但是,聽到“死亡之歌”時,他的臉變得煞白,因為某種前所未有的情感而顫抖。野蠻人繼續(xù)朗讀著:
“物性變得離奇,
己身已非原身。
同質(zhì)而有異名,
既非叫一,也非稱二。
理智已變得迷惑,
眼見是分,卻又合一……”
“狂歡吧!”伯納德說,用他刺耳的大笑打斷了野蠻人的閱讀,“這只不過是一首團結(jié)儀式上的贊美詩嘛。”他在報復(fù)他的兩個朋友,因為他們彼此的喜歡程度已經(jīng)超過他們對他自己的喜歡。
在接下來的兩三次會面中,他經(jīng)常重復(fù)這種小小的報復(fù)行為。這很簡單,因為赫爾姆霍茨和野蠻人都會因為最喜愛的水晶般的詩歌被打斷和褻瀆而感到痛苦萬分,這報復(fù)也很奏效。最后,赫爾姆霍茨威脅說,如果他再敢打攪他們的話,就把他從房間里踢出去??墒牵婀值氖?,下一次的打斷,也是最不光彩的一次,卻是來自赫爾姆霍茨本人。
野蠻人正在大聲朗讀《羅密歐與朱麗葉》,帶著強烈而顫抖的激情朗讀著(在此過程中,他一直把自己看成羅密歐,把列寧娜看成朱麗葉)。赫爾姆霍茨聆聽著這對情侶第一次會面的那場戲,既感興趣,又迷惑不解。果園一場戲中的詩意令他非常開心,可是戲中表達的情感卻令他發(fā)笑。因為想要一個女孩而讓自己陷入如此境地,這簡直太荒唐了。不過,僅從文字的細節(jié)來看,真是無與倫比的情感工程文章啊!“那個老家伙,”他說,“他讓我們最好的宣傳技術(shù)員相形見絀啊。”野蠻人得意地笑笑,繼續(xù)他的朗讀。一切都還比較順利,直到第三幕的最后一場,凱普萊特和凱普萊特夫人開始強迫朱麗葉嫁給帕里斯。在這一整場戲中,赫爾姆霍茨都坐立不安,可是,當(dāng)野蠻人可憐巴巴地模仿著朱麗葉喊出:
“天知道我心里是多么難過,
難道它竟會不給我一點慈悲嗎?
啊,我親愛的媽媽!不要丟棄我!
把這門親事延期一個月或是一個星期也好;
或者要是您不答應(yīng)我,那么請您把我的新床
安放在提伯爾特長眠的幽暗墳塋里吧!”(3)
當(dāng)朱麗葉說完這些之后,赫爾姆霍茨難以自抑地爆發(fā)出一陣哈哈怪笑。
媽媽和爸爸(可怕的污言穢語)逼迫女兒要她不想要的人!那個白癡女孩居然不說明自己正在和一個更喜歡的人(至少在當(dāng)時)在一起!這種情景是那么荒唐、那么淫穢,讓人不得不覺得滑稽之極。他一直在努力,試圖抑制住內(nèi)心不斷涌上來的笑意,可是,“親愛的媽媽”(野蠻人那因痛苦而顫抖的語調(diào)),以及提伯爾特的長眠,很明顯他并沒有被火化,而是在昏暗的墳?zāi)估锇蚜装装桌速M掉,這些都令他難以控制住自己。他哈哈大笑,直笑得眼淚順著臉頰流下來,笑得幾乎不能停歇,而野蠻人呢,他的臉因為憤慨而變得蒼白,他從書上抬起頭來,看看他,然后,看到他依然在哈哈大笑,憤憤地把書合上,站起來,帶著一副對牛彈琴的神氣,把書鎖在了抽屜里。
“不過,”赫爾姆霍茨終于喘了口氣來道歉,他安撫著野蠻人聽他解釋,“我非常清楚,人們需要這樣荒唐而瘋狂的場景,因為寫任何別的東西都寫不太好。那個老家伙為什么是個那么高明的宣傳技術(shù)員呢?因為他有很多瘋癲的、令人痛苦的東西,可以叫人激動萬分啊。你得受到傷害,煩惱不安,否則你不會想出那些真正美妙的、像X光般能把人刺穿的句子??墒前职趾蛬寢?!”他搖搖頭,“你不可能指望我在聽到這些稱呼時還能一本正經(jīng)地繃著個臉。還有,誰又會因為一個男孩和一個女孩在不在一起而激動萬分呢?”(野蠻人一陣畏縮,不過,赫爾姆霍茨正在若有所思地盯著地板,并沒有看見。)“不,”他嘆了口氣,總結(jié)道,“這樣是不行的。我們需要其他類型的瘋狂和暴力。可是,什么樣的呢?什么樣的呢?從哪里找得到呢?”他沉默了,然后再次搖了搖頭,“我不知道,”他最后說,“我不知道。”
————————————————————
(1) 引自《羅密歐與朱麗葉》,羅密歐第一次見到朱麗葉時的印象。
(2) 這一段與下一段引自莎士比亞的詩歌《鳳凰與斑鳩》,詩歌講述一只斑鳩與一只鳳凰的愛情,兩只鳥最后合二為一而死去。
(3) 引自《羅密歐與朱麗葉》,朱麗葉與羅密歐秘密成婚了,可是羅密歐殺死了她的堂兄提伯爾特。她的父母現(xiàn)在逼迫她與帕里斯成婚,她不知該如何是好,由此說出以上決絕的話。