雙語·面紗 第三十四章

34

Since Walter went out early in the morning, came back at tiffin only for half an hour, and did not then return till dinner was just ready, Kitty found herself much alone. For some days she did not stir from the bungalow. It was very hot and for the most part she lay in a long chair by the open window, trying to read. The hard light of mid-day had robbed the magic palace of its mystery and now it was no more than a temple on the city wall, garish and shabby, but because she had seen it once in such an ecstasy it was never again quite common place; and often at dawn or at dusk, and again at night, she found herself able to recapture something of that beauty. What had seemed to her a mighty bastion was but the city wall and on this, massive and dark, her eyes rested continually. Behind its crenellations lay the city in the dread grip of the pestilence.

Vaguely she knew that terrible things were happening there, not from Walter who when she questioned him (for otherwise he rarely spoke to her) answered with a humorous nonchalance which sent a shiver down her spine; but from Waddington and from the amah. The people were dying at the rate of a hundred a day, and hardly any of those who were attacked by the disease recovered from it; the gods had been brought out from the abandoned temples and placed in the streets; offerings were laid before them and sacrifices made, but they did not stay the plague. The people died so fast that it was hardly possible to bury them. In some houses the whole family had been swept away and there was none to perform the funeral rites. The officer commanding the troops was a masterful man and if the city was not given over to riot and arson it was due to his determination. He forced his soldiers to bury such as there was no one else to bury and he had shot with his own hand an officer who demurred at entering a stricken house.

Kitty sometimes was so frightened that her heart sank within her and she would tremble in every limb. It was all very well to say that the risk was small if you took reasonable precautions: she was panic-stricken. She turned over in her mind crazy plans of escape. To get away, just to get away, she was prepared to set out as she was and make her way alone, without anything but what she stood up in, to some place of safety. She thought of throwing herself on the mercy of Waddington, telling him everything and beseeching him to help her to get back to Hong Kong. If she flung herself on her knees before her husband, and admitted that she was frightened, even though he hated her now he must have enough human feeling in him to pity her.

It was out of the question. If she went, where could she go? Not to her mother; her mother would make her see very plainly that, having married her off, she counted on being rid of her; and besides she did not want to go to her mother. She wanted to go to Charlie, and he did not want her. She knew what he would say if she suddenly appeared before him. She saw the sullen look of his face and the shrewd hardness behind his charming eyes. It would be difficult for him to find words that sounded well. She clenched her hands. She would have given anything to humiliate him as he had humiliated her. Sometimes she was seized with such a frenzy that she wished she had let Walter divorce her, ruining herself if only she could have ruined him too. Certain things he had said to her made her blush with shame when she recalled them.

第三十四章

沃爾特一大早就出去了，只在午飯的時候回來了半個小時，然后就沒再回來，直到晚餐準(zhǔn)備好的時候，凱蒂發(fā)現(xiàn)屋子里就只有她一個人。有好幾天了，她根本沒有出屋，天很熱，大部分時間她都躺在長椅上，椅子放在開著的窗戶邊，她想讓自己把書讀進(jìn)去。正午的陽光光線很強(qiáng)，現(xiàn)在那座神奇宮殿的神秘氣息已經(jīng)蕩然無存，它只不過是城墻上的廟宇，俗氣華麗但很破敗，但是因為她曾在迷幻之中見識過它的壯觀，所以在她心中它不再是一個普通的地方。她經(jīng)常在拂曉或者日落的時候，甚至在夜晚，一個人重溫那種美。在她眼中，那個強(qiáng)大的堡壘只不過是城墻的幻覺，她的目光不停地落在這個寬大的、黑乎乎的城墻上，而城墻大炮垛口后面的這座城市，正遭受著瘟疫肆虐的蹂躪。

她大概了解了些在那里正在發(fā)生的可怕的事情，但這種了解不是從沃爾特那兒知道的。當(dāng)她問他情況時（否則的話，他很少跟她講話），他的回答往往是打哈哈似的漫不經(jīng)心，這使得她脊背發(fā)涼，但是從威廷頓和女仆那里，她還是多少知道了一些情況?，F(xiàn)在的情景是平均每天會有一百人感染死亡，幾乎沒有什么人能夠感染瘟疫后康復(fù)。各種神像已經(jīng)從廢棄的廟宇中被搬了出來，放到大街上。神像前擺滿了各種供奉品和各種犧牲的祭品，但是這仍然沒有阻止瘟疫的蔓延。病人死得太快了，幾乎沒有時間去安葬他們。有些人家?guī)缀醵紲玳T絕戶了，沒有活著的家人來操辦葬禮。部隊的長官是個善于掌控局勢的人，多虧了他的堅定果敢，整個城鎮(zhèn)才沒有陷入暴亂和縱火。他命令他的士兵們?nèi)パ诼駴]人理睬的尸體，他還親手槍斃了一個軍官，因為他反對士兵進(jìn)入受災(zāi)的房子。

有時凱蒂真的嚇壞了，全身顫抖，她的心沉甸甸的。如果采取合理的預(yù)防措施，風(fēng)險就不大，這話說起來容易，做起來可就難了。她整天提心吊膽，甚至還仔細(xì)考慮過一個瘋狂的逃跑計劃，離開這兒，只要離開這兒。當(dāng)她一個人的時候，或者找機(jī)會一個人待著的時候，她就做好出發(fā)的準(zhǔn)備，別無所圖，只求能夠待在一個安全的地方。她曾考慮要不要借助威廷頓，贏得他的憐憫，告訴他事情的來龍去脈，請求他幫助她回到香港。或者如果她屈尊跪在她丈夫面前，坦承她怕得要死，即使他現(xiàn)在恨她，也一定會有足夠的人情味去可憐她的。

但也有問題。如果她走了，她可以去哪兒？不能回母親家，她母親已經(jīng)讓她看得很明白了，巴不得讓她出嫁趕緊走人，整天琢磨怎么擺脫她，況且她自己也不想回母親家。她想去找查理，但他不想要她了，假如突然出現(xiàn)在他面前，她知道他會說些什么話。她會看見他臉上陰沉的表情，以及在他迷人眼神后面的精明與算計，他很難和顏悅色地對她說什么好話。她握緊了拳頭，真希望當(dāng)時自己能說些針鋒相對的話來回?fù)羲男呷琛Ｓ袝r她會被一陣狂亂所控制，如果當(dāng)初沃爾特和她離婚就好了。只要她能毀掉查理，毀掉自己也在所不惜。當(dāng)回憶起查理說過的某些話時，她羞愧得臉都紅了。