雙語(yǔ)·面紗 第十五章

Who would have thought then that within three months they would be on such terms? He had told her since that he was crazy about her on that first evening. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He remembered the dress she wore; it was her wedding dress, and he said she looked like a lily of the valley. She knew that he was in love with her before he told her, and a little frightened she kept him at a distance. He was impetuous and it was difficult. She was afraid to let him kiss her, for the thought of his arms about her made her heart beat so fast. She had never been in love before. It was wonderful. And now that she knew what love was she felt a sudden sympathy for the love that Walter bore her. She teased him, playfully, and saw that he enjoyed it. She had been perhaps a little afraid of him, but now she had more confidence. She chaffed him and it amused her to see the slow smile with which at first he received her banter. He was surprised and pleased. One of these days, she thought, he would become quite human. Now that she had learnt something of passion it diverted her to play lightly, like a harpist running his fingers across the strings of his harp, on his affections. She laughed when she saw how she bewildered and confused him.

And when Charlie became her lover the situation between herself and Walter seemed exquisitely absurd. She could hardly look at him, so grave and self-controlled, without laughing. She was too happy to feel unkindly towards him. Except for him, after all, she would never have known Charlie. She had hesitated some time before the final step, not because she did not want to yield to Charlie's passion, her own was equal to his, but because her upbringing and all the conventions of her life intimidated her. She was amazed afterwards (and the final act was due to accident; neither of them had seen the opportunity till it was face to face with them) to discover that she felt in no way different from what she had before. She had expected that it would cause some, she hardly knew what, fantastic change in her so that she would feel like somebody else; and when she had a chance to look at herself in the glass she was bewildered to see the same woman she had seen the day before.

“Are you angry with me?” he asked her.

“I adore you,” she whispered.

“Don't you think you were very silly to waste so much time?”

“A perfect fool.”

當(dāng)時(shí)誰(shuí)能想得到在短短的三個(gè)月內(nèi)他們的關(guān)系就發(fā)展到這種程度呢？他后來(lái)告訴她，在第一次遇到她的那個(gè)傍晚，他就對(duì)她著了迷。她是他所見(jiàn)過(guò)的最漂亮的女人，他甚至還記得那天她穿的衣服，那身衣服實(shí)際上是她的結(jié)婚禮服。他還說(shuō)，她看上去就像山谷中的百合花。在他表白之前，她就知道他愛(ài)上了自己，但有一點(diǎn)兒害怕，所以總跟他保持一定的距離。他在沖動(dòng)時(shí)，很難讓人拒絕。她害怕讓他吻她，因?yàn)橐幌氲剿碾p臂抱著她，她的心會(huì)怦怦直跳，她以前沒(méi)有像這樣愛(ài)過(guò)誰(shuí)，愛(ài)情真是太美妙了。她明白了愛(ài)情是什么，便突然因沃爾特給她的愛(ài)而有些同情他。有時(shí)她半開(kāi)玩笑地揶揄查理，發(fā)現(xiàn)他還挺樂(lè)在其中的。曾經(jīng)一度她興許還有點(diǎn)兒怕他，但現(xiàn)在她對(duì)他們的關(guān)系變得更有信心了。她取笑他，讓她覺(jué)得好玩的是，她能看見(jiàn)他從一開(kāi)始受到打趣時(shí)的一愣，到嘴角慢慢綻開(kāi)笑容，顯得又吃驚又開(kāi)心。在那些日子里，她認(rèn)為他更加具有男人味了。她已經(jīng)明白激情的效果，現(xiàn)在能夠輕松自如地操縱它了。就像豎琴師用手指劃過(guò)琴弦，撥動(dòng)他的愛(ài)情，當(dāng)看到自己竟然讓他如此尷尬和困惑時(shí)，她會(huì)哈哈大笑。

當(dāng)查理成為她的情人后，她自己和沃爾特之間的情形反而顯得很荒唐。她幾乎不再看他一眼，他還是那么嚴(yán)肅，充滿自制，不茍言笑。然而，她和查理在一起后太開(kāi)心了，都無(wú)法不對(duì)沃爾特也和顏悅色起來(lái)。畢竟，如果不是沃爾特，她絕不會(huì)認(rèn)識(shí)查理。在最終突破底線之前，她曾猶豫了很長(zhǎng)一段時(shí)間，倒不是因?yàn)樗幌肭诓槔淼募で椤餐瑯訍?ài)他——而是因?yàn)樗龔男∷幍沫h(huán)境和生活中所有的道德傳統(tǒng)使她感到害怕。她后來(lái)（最后越過(guò)雷池事出偶然，其實(shí)并不是兩個(gè)人刻意安排的，機(jī)會(huì)的到來(lái)也出乎他們的意料）很詫異地發(fā)現(xiàn)，她自己事后并沒(méi)有覺(jué)得和原來(lái)的她有什么不同。她原以為自己會(huì)產(chǎn)生某種奇妙的變化，盡管還不知道這種變化到底是什么，因?yàn)樗X(jué)得要是換了別人也會(huì)發(fā)生這種變化的，而當(dāng)她有機(jī)會(huì)在鏡子中端詳自己時(shí)，困惑地發(fā)現(xiàn)鏡子中的女人和以前的那個(gè)女人并無(wú)二致。

“你生我的氣嗎？”他問(wèn)她。

“我太愛(ài)你了。”她小聲說(shuō)道。

“你不覺(jué)得浪費(fèi)那么多時(shí)間在我身上太傻了嗎？”

“我確實(shí)太傻了?！?/p>