演講MP3+雙語文稿:我們應(yīng)該如何應(yīng)對(duì)悲傷情緒

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【演講者及介紹】Nora McInerny

作者，播客主持人。諾拉·麥克倫尼以和人們談?wù)撋钪凶钇D難的時(shí)刻為生。

【演講主題】我們不逃避悲傷，我們與它一起前進(jìn)

【中英文字幕】

翻譯者 Boom boom Jigajiga 校對(duì)者 Anney Ye

00:13

So, 2014 was a big year for me. Do you everhave that, just like a big year, like a banner year? For me, it went like this:October 3, I lost my second pregnancy. And then October 8, my dad died ofcancer. And then on November 25, my husband Aaron died after three years withstage-four glioblastoma, which is just a fancy word for brain cancer.

2014年對(duì)我來說，是意義重大的一年。你以前有沒有經(jīng)歷一個(gè)對(duì)你來說意義重大，而且特別高產(chǎn)的一年？對(duì)我來說，在這樣的一年里，我是這樣過的： 10月3日的時(shí)候，我經(jīng)歷了二胎流產(chǎn) 然后10月8日的時(shí)候，我的父親死于癌癥，再到11月25日，我的丈夫艾倫也過世了。在他患上第四期的神經(jīng)膠質(zhì)母細(xì)胞瘤的三年后。說白了就是腦癌。

00:37

So, I'm fun.

所以我是個(gè)有趣的人。

00:39

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

00:40

People love to invite me out all the time.Packed social life. Usually, when I talk about this period of my life, thereaction I get is essentially:

大多數(shù)時(shí)候大家都很喜歡約我出去，我的社交生活非常充實(shí)。通常當(dāng)我談起我人生的這一階段時(shí)，我得到的反應(yīng)基本上都是這樣的：

00:52

(Sighs)

（嘆氣）

00:54

"I can't -- I can't imagine." ButI do think you can. I think you can. And I think that you should because,someday, it's going to happen to you. Maybe not these specific losses in thisspecific order or at this speed, but like I said, I'm very fun and the researchthat I have seen will stun you: everyone you love has a 100 percent chance ofdying.

“我……我無法想象你的感受?！钡矣X得在座的你們可以。我真的認(rèn)為你們可以想象到。而且我認(rèn)為你們必須學(xué)會(huì)這樣做，因?yàn)橛幸惶欤@種事情也會(huì)發(fā)生在你們身上。或許你們遇到的事情不會(huì)和我完全一樣，可能發(fā)生在不同的順序或時(shí)機(jī)，不過就像我說的，我是個(gè)有趣的人而我了解到的研究結(jié)果肯定會(huì)嚇你一跳：你所愛的人最后都有100%的幾率會(huì)死去。

01:19

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

01:21

And that's why you came to TED.

這也是為什么你今天會(huì)來到這里。

01:23

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

01:25

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

01:29

So, since all of this loss happened, I'vemade it a career to talk about death and loss, not just my own, because it'spretty easy to recap, but the losses and tragedies that other people haveexperienced. It's a niche, I have to say.

自從我經(jīng)歷了這些喪親之痛后，我就把和大家談?wù)撋雷兂闪宋业穆殬I(yè)，不僅僅是說出我的故事，因?yàn)檫@很容易引起共鳴——還有其他人經(jīng)歷的喪親和悲劇。我不得不說，我現(xiàn)在從事的這個(gè)職業(yè)是個(gè)非常好的商機(jī)。

01:43

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

01:45

It's a small niche, and I wish I made moremoney, but ...

雖然商機(jī)很小，而我希望我賺的錢 （比這）更多，不過嘛……

01:48

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

01:50

I've written some very uplifting books,host a very uplifting podcast, I started a little nonprofit. I'm just trying todo what I can to make more people comfortable with the uncomfortable, and griefis so uncomfortable. It's so uncomfortable, especially if it's someone else's grief.So part of that work is this group that I started with my friend Moe, who isalso a widow; we call it the Hot Young Widows Club.

我寫了幾本鼓舞人心的書本，主持了一個(gè)鼓舞人心的播客，也開始了一些非盈利活動(dòng)。而我只是在竭盡我所能讓更多感到難受的人變得好受一點(diǎn)，畢竟那些傷心和痛苦太令人難受了。尤其是當(dāng)其他人對(duì)我們傾訴悲痛時(shí)，這種感覺更甚。所以我工作中有一項(xiàng)是，我和我的朋友摩爾一起創(chuàng)立了一個(gè)社團(tuán)，她和我一樣是一個(gè)寡婦，我們?yōu)槟莻€(gè)社團(tuán)取名為‘性感年輕寡婦俱樂部’。

02:18

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

02:19

And it's real, we have membership cards andT-shirts. And when your person dies, your husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend,literally don't care if you were married, your friends and your family are justgoing to look around through friends of friends of friends of friends untilthey find someone who's gone through something similar, and then they'll pushyou towards each other so you can talk amongst yourselves and not get your sadon other people.

是真的！我們甚至有自己的會(huì)員卡和專屬的T恤。當(dāng)你身邊的人過世后，無論死去的人是你的丈夫、妻子，抑或是男朋友、女朋友，不管你有沒有結(jié)婚過，你的家人朋友總是會(huì)下意識(shí)地通過他們的朋友的朋友的朋友幫你尋找（伴侶），直到找到一個(gè)與你有相似經(jīng)歷的人，然后他們就會(huì)把你推向?qū)Ψ阶屇銈兛梢曰ハ喾謸?dān)痛苦，同時(shí)也避免把難過散播到身邊其他人身上。

02:44

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

02:46

So that's what we do. It's just a series ofsmall groups, where men, women, gay, straight, married, partnered, can talkabout their dead person, and say the things that the other people in theirlives aren't ready or willing to hear yet. Huge range of conversations. Like,"My husband died two weeks ago, I can't stop thinking about sex, is thatnormal?"

這些也是我們俱樂部正在做的事情。我們只是把人們聚集成一個(gè)個(gè)小組，讓不論是男人，女人，同性戀，異性戀，已婚人士或者是有伴侶的人，都可以談?wù)勊麄兩磉呉呀?jīng)過世的親人，也可以大方地說出一些，現(xiàn)在他們周圍的人們都還沒做好準(zhǔn)備去聆聽的事情。他們聊天的話題可以很廣泛。就像：“我的丈夫兩個(gè)星期前過世了，但一直在我腦海揮之不去的問題是以后的性生活怎么辦，這正常嗎？”

03:11

Yeah.

當(dāng)然正常啊。

03:12

"What if it's one of the PropertyBrothers?"

“但如果我性幻想對(duì)象是‘房產(chǎn)兄弟’的其中一個(gè)人呢？那也正常嗎？”

03:14

Less normal, but I'll accept it.

有一點(diǎn)偏離常規(guī)，但我可以接受。

03:16

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

03:19

Things like, "Look, when I'm out inpublic and I see old people holding hands, couples who have clearly beentogether for decades, and then I look at them and I imagine all of the thingsthey've been through together, the good things, the bad things, the argumentsthey've had over who should take out the trash ... I just find my heart filledwith rage."

又比如：“每當(dāng)我出門一看到其他老夫老妻在街上手牽手，”很顯然他們已經(jīng)互相陪伴了幾十年當(dāng)我看著他們，我竟然能想象到他們?cè)谝黄鹉敲炊嗄旯餐?jīng)歷過的所有事情，無論是好的事情還是壞的事，抑或是他們之間曾為了誰應(yīng)該去丟垃圾而引發(fā)的小爭(zhēng)執(zhí)... 一想到這些，我的內(nèi)心只有滿滿的憤怒。

03:38

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

03:39

And that example is personal to me.

而上面的例子正是我能夠感同身受的。

03:42

Most of the conversations that we have inthe group can and will just stay amongst ourselves, but there are things thatwe talk about that the rest of the world -- the world that is grief-adjacentbut not yet grief-stricken -- could really benefit from hearing. And if youcan't tell, I'm only interested in / capable of unscientific studies, so what Idid was go to The Hot Young Widows Club and say, "Hello, friends, rememberwhen your person died?" They did.

我們?cè)谛〗M里面大部分的聊天內(nèi)容都只有我們自己人知道，不過我們談?wù)摰氖虑橛泻芏嗄蔷褪鞘澜缟洗蟛糠值娜说谋炊际青徑?，但人們又不至于被極度悲傷我們真的可以從聽這些人的談?wù)撝惺芤媪级?。況且，如果你不知道，我只對(duì)一些非科學(xué)的課題感興趣/擅長(zhǎng)，所以我去到了‘性感年輕寡婦俱樂部’問里面的成員： “朋友們，你們記得自己身邊最親的人 什么時(shí)候過世嗎？”他們記得。

04:09

"Do you remember all the things peoplesaid to you?"

我又問：“那你們記得清他們對(duì)你說過的話嗎？”

04:11

"Oh, yeah."

“當(dāng)然?！?/p>

04:13

"Which ones did you hate themost?"

“那他們說的哪一句話是你們最討厭的呢？”

04:14

I got a lot of comments, lot of answers,people say a lot of things, but two rose to the top pretty quickly."Moving on."

我的問題得到了很多的回答，所有人都發(fā)表了自己的看法，不過許多人都有提到這個(gè)答案。那就是：放下吧。

04:24

Now, since 2014, I will tell you I haveremarried a very handsome man named Matthew, we have four children in ourblended family, we live in the suburbs of Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA. We havea rescue dog.

那么，從2014年直至現(xiàn)在，我已經(jīng)和一個(gè)叫馬修的帥哥再婚了，我們一起養(yǎng)育來自不同家庭的四個(gè)小孩并一起住在美國明尼蘇達(dá)州的郊區(qū)- 明尼阿波里斯市，也救了一只流浪狗。

04:39

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

04:40

I drive a minivan, like the kind wheredoors open and I don't even touch them.

我現(xiàn)在還擁有一輛小卡車，是我不需要用手就可以把車門打開的那種小卡車。

04:44

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

04:45

Like, by any "mezhure," life isgood. I've also never said "mezhure," I've never once said it thatway.

就好像，以任何“尺度”來說，生活是美好的。但我不曾用那種發(fā)音說過”尺度“這個(gè)字，一次都不曾。

04:52

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

04:57

I don't know where that came from.

對(duì)于這個(gè)字的出處我甚至毫無頭緒。

04:59

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

05:01

I've never heard anyone else say it thatway. It looks like it should be said that way, and that's why the Englishlanguage is trash, so ...

因?yàn)槲覐牟辉犨^有誰用這個(gè)發(fā)音去說過這個(gè)單詞。但那單詞就像是本該如此發(fā)音的一樣，你們也知道，為什么英語這門語言很”垃圾“，所以...

05:07

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

05:08

So impressed with anyone who, like, speaksit in addition to a language that makes sense -- good job.

所以，我很佩服有人會(huì)喜歡說這么不靠譜的語言-- 干得好。

05:14

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

05:16

But by any measure ...

不過以任何衡量標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來說...

05:17

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

05:19

By any measure, life is really, reallygood, but I haven't "moved on." I haven't moved on, and I hate thatphrase so much, and I understand why other people do. Because what it says isthat Aaron's life and death and love are just moments that I can leave behindme -- and that I probably should. And when I talk about Aaron, I slip so easilyinto the present tense, and I've always thought that made me weird. And then Inoticed that everybody does it. And it's not because we are in denial orbecause we're forgetful, it's because the people we love, who we've lost, arestill so present for us. So, when I say, "Oh, Aaron is ..." It'sbecause Aaron still is. And it's not in the way that he was before, which wasmuch better, and it's not in the way that churchy people try to tell me that hewould be. It's just that he's indelible, and so he is present for me.

以任何衡量標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來說，生活真的很美好，但我并未真正“放下”。我還沒有真正忘記以前的傷痛，并且非常討厭“放下”這個(gè)詞匯。當(dāng)然，我能夠理解為什么其他人和我一樣也不喜歡這個(gè)詞匯。因?yàn)橛猛泜催@個(gè)說法就好像是在說 艾倫的生命，他的死亡以及我們 之間的愛都只是一瞬間的事情，好像我下一秒就可以瀟灑地 把這段關(guān)系拋諸腦后，又或許是我應(yīng)該那么做。所以每次談起他，我總是那么順其自然地就使用了現(xiàn)在時(shí)語法，而我也一直認(rèn)為我這個(gè)舉動(dòng)在外人眼中很奇怪。但我驚奇地發(fā)現(xiàn)身邊的人大多都和我一樣?？蛇@樣并不代表我們拒絕接受親人的死亡，或者是忘了他們死亡的事實(shí)僅僅是因?yàn)槲覀儛鄣?，失去的那些人?duì)我們來說依然那么的活靈活現(xiàn)。每當(dāng)我說起：“哦，艾倫還在干嘛干嘛”那只是因?yàn)榘瑐悓?duì)我來說還是存在的。并不是以他之前的方式存在——（他活著時(shí)）那比現(xiàn)在好太多了，他也不是像教會(huì)那些人告訴我的那樣我只是，無法忘記他，就算他走了，在我的潛意識(shí)里他還是存在在我的生命中的。

06:21

Here, he's present for me in the work thatI do, in the child that we had together, in these three other children I'mraising, who never met him, who share none of his DNA, but who are only in mylife because I had Aaron and because I lost Aaron. He's present in my marriageto Matthew, because Aaron's life and love and death made me the person thatMatthew wanted to marry. So I've not moved on from Aaron, I've moved forwardwith him.

就像在這里，對(duì)于我現(xiàn)在的工作而言，他作為故事的主角存在著，對(duì)于我們倆的孩子，他作為一個(gè)父親存在著，對(duì)于我養(yǎng)育的其他三個(gè)孩子來說他也是存在的，就算三個(gè)小孩不是他親生的，也沒有見過艾倫本人，但是正是因?yàn)榘瑐惖拇嬖?，他們才能夠走進(jìn)我的人生畢竟是我失去了艾倫之后，才有機(jī)會(huì)碰到他們。在我和馬修的婚姻里他也是存在的，因?yàn)檎且驗(yàn)榘瑐惖纳膼酆退劳鼋虝?huì)我的事把我塑造成一個(gè)馬修想娶回家的女人所以，我其實(shí)并不是忘記艾倫死亡的傷痛后繼續(xù)前進(jìn)，而是在接受了他離開的事實(shí)，帶著他和我們的回憶繼續(xù)生活。

06:57

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

07:03

We spread Aaron's ashes in his favoriteriver in Minnesota, and when the bag was empty -- because when you're cremated,you fit into a plastic bag -- there were still ashes stuck to my fingers. And Icould have just put my hands in the water and rinsed them, but instead, Ilicked my hands clean, because I was so afraid of losing more than I hadalready lost, and I was so desperate to make sure that he would always be apart of me. But of course he would be.

我們把艾倫的骨灰撒在了他最喜歡的河里面，在明尼蘇達(dá)州。當(dāng)我把整個(gè)袋子的骨灰都倒進(jìn)河里面之后，因?yàn)槭w火葬之后，他們會(huì)把骨灰裝進(jìn)一個(gè)袋子里面，我的手指其實(shí)還沾附著一些剩余的骨灰。其實(shí)那時(shí)候我大可直接把手放進(jìn)河里沖洗干凈，但我沒有，相反的，我用舌頭把手指上的骨灰舔干凈，因?yàn)槭ニ?，我已?jīng)不能承受再失去任何有關(guān)他的東西，我是那么渴望地想要確認(rèn)他永遠(yuǎn)會(huì)是我生命中的一部分但現(xiàn)在想想，他早就是了。

07:35

Because when you watch your person fillhimself with poison for three years, just so he can stay alive a little bitlonger with you, that stays with you. When you watch him fade from the healthyperson he was the night you met to nothing, that stays with you. When you watchyour son, who isn't even two years old yet, walk up to his father's bed on thelast day of his life, like he knows what's coming in a few hours, and say,"I love you. All done. Bye, bye." That stays with you. Just like whenyou fall in love, finally, like really fall in love with someone who gets youand sees you and you even see, "Oh, my God, I've been wrong this entiretime. Love is not a contest or a reality show -- it's so quiet, it's thisinvisible thread of calm that connects the two of us even when everything ischaos, when things are falling apart, even when he's gone." That stayswith you. We used to do this thing -- because my hands are always freezing andhe's so warm, where I would take my ice-cold hands and shove them up his shirt... press them against his hot bod.

當(dāng)你看到你的愛人三年內(nèi)不斷地嘗試各種藥物，只為了讓他的身體能夠再撐久一點(diǎn)，再活久一點(diǎn)，然后盡可能用僅剩的時(shí)間和你待在一起。當(dāng)你親眼見證他漸漸從你最初認(rèn)識(shí)的那個(gè)健康的男人變得虛弱，從活力滿滿到日漸枯萎，但依舊和你在一起。當(dāng)你看著你根本不到兩歲的兒子，在他父親臨死前走到他的床前，就像是他早已明白接下來的幾個(gè)小時(shí)內(nèi)即將發(fā)生的事情對(duì)他爸爸說：“我愛你，就這樣，再見?！蹦切┊嬅鎸⑹怯肋h(yuǎn)烙印在你腦海里的記憶，伴你終身。那一刻，就好像是你終于，真正地愛上了一個(gè)能夠理解你并理解你的人。到了這時(shí)你才發(fā)現(xiàn)，“天啊，我一直以來都錯(cuò)了?！睈矍椴⒉幌褚粓?chǎng)比賽或者真人秀那么轟轟烈烈——它是安靜的，愛情就像一條平靜的，看不見的繩子，緊緊地連接我們兩人。就算世界紛雜，就算很多事情都崩潰瓦解，就算在他死去以后，那份愛，依然跟著你。我和艾倫相處時(shí)有一個(gè)小習(xí)慣由于我的手是冰的，而他的手總是熱的，所以我習(xí)慣把我冰冷的手硬塞進(jìn)他的衣服里，然后緊緊把我的手按在他溫?zé)岬纳眢w上。

08:49

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

08:52

And he hated it so much,

坦白說，他很反感我這種行為，

08:54

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

08:55

but he loved me, and after he died, I laidin bed with Aaron and I put my hands underneath him and I felt his warmth. AndI can't even tell you if my hands were cold, but I can tell you that I knew it wasthe last time I would ever do that. And that that memory is always going to besad. That memory will always hurt. Even when I'm 600 years old and I'm just ahologram.

但是他愛我啊，在艾倫死去之后，我和他躺在同一張床上 并把我的手放在他身下 那一刻，我感受到他身體的余溫 那時(shí)候，我根本分不清楚 我的手到底是不是冰冷的，不過我可以告訴你 我清楚地知道那將是我最后 一次能夠做出那個(gè)動(dòng)作。而從那天起，這份記憶 便注定是悲傷的。它一直都會(huì)。就算到我有天活到了600歲，變成一幅全息圖的時(shí)候，還是會(huì)難過。

09:29

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

09:32

Just like the memory of meeting him isalways going to make me laugh. Grief doesn't happen in this vacuum, it happensalongside of and mixed in with all of these other emotions.

就像與他相識(shí)的那些回憶，想起來時(shí)總會(huì)令我開心地笑。而悲傷不是因?yàn)樗x開后生活中留下了空白才發(fā)生的，它是摻雜在各種混合的情緒里同時(shí)發(fā)生的。

09:50

So, I met Matthew, my current husband --who doesn't love that title,

現(xiàn)在，我遇見了現(xiàn)任丈夫，馬修，雖然他并不喜歡現(xiàn)任的這個(gè)稱號(hào)

09:57

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

10:01

but it's so accurate.

不過這就是事實(shí)啊！

10:02

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

10:06

I met Matthew, and ... there was thisaudible sigh of relief among the people who love me, like, "It's over! Shedid it. She got a happy ending, we can all go home. And we did good." Andthat narrative is so appealing even to me, and I thought maybe I had gottenthat, too, but I didn't. I got another chapter. And it's such a good chapter --I love you, honey -- it's such a good chapter. But especially at the beginning,it was like an alternate universe, or one of those old "choose your ownadventure" books from the '80s where there are two parallel plot lines. SoI opened my heart to Matthew, and my brain was like, "Would you like tothink about Aaron? Like, the past, the present, future, just get inthere," and I did. And all of a sudden, those two plots were unfurling atonce, and falling in love with Matthew really helped me realize the enormity ofwhat I lost when Aaron died. And just as importantly, it helped me realize thatmy love for Aaron and my grief for Aaron, and my love for Matthew, are notopposing forces. They are just strands to the same thread. They're the samestuff.

在我遇見馬修之后... 都可以聽見周圍那些愛我，關(guān)心我的人寬慰地松了口氣像是在說：“哇，這一切終于過去了！她成功走出陰影了！也有了一個(gè)幸福的結(jié)局，我們也可以放心了。而且我們這個(gè)任務(wù)完成得挺好?！?他們內(nèi)心的旁白對(duì)我 而言是極具感染力的，而我也以為自己真的得到了 一個(gè)幸福完美的結(jié)局，但我沒有 我得到的其實(shí)是一個(gè)新的篇章。這還是一個(gè)特別好的篇章—— 我愛你，親愛的（篇章） 這是個(gè)特別好的，新開始。不過尤其是一開始時(shí)，我感覺像是 在面對(duì)兩個(gè)不斷交替的世界，或像那種80年代的書里面“選擇你自己的人生”的那種情節(jié)就像兩段感情都是平行的故事線。所以當(dāng)我對(duì)馬修敞開心扉時(shí)，我的大腦會(huì)出現(xiàn)另外一個(gè)聲音：“你會(huì)不會(huì)想起艾倫？”就像過去現(xiàn)在未來同時(shí)混合在一起 ，而我也的確還會(huì)想起他 突然間，這兩條故事線 就同時(shí)在我眼前展開，愛上馬修的同時(shí)我豁然開朗，原來我因?yàn)榘瑐惖乃劳龆サ哪切〇|西 對(duì)我來說有多重要。同等來說，這段感情也幫助我 意識(shí)到自己對(duì)艾倫的愛 以及他離世帶給我的悲痛，但我對(duì)馬修的愛和 對(duì)艾倫的愛不是對(duì)立的。而是同一條線上的分叉。所以他們本質(zhì)上是一樣的。

11:30

I'm ... what would my parents say? I'm notspecial.

我是那種……我父母都怎么形容我呢？ 我一點(diǎn)都不特別。

11:36

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

11:37

They had four kids, they were like ...frankly.

因?yàn)樗麄冇兴膫€(gè)小孩，老實(shí)說...

11:39

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

11:41

But I'm not, I'm not special. I know that,I'm fully aware that all day, every day, all around the world, terrible thingsare happening. All the time. Like I said, fun person. But terrible things arehappening, people are experiencing deeply formative and traumatic losses everyday. And as part of my job, this weird podcast that I have, I sometimes talk topeople about the worst thing that's ever happened to them. And sometimes,that's the loss of someone they love, sometimes days ago or weeks ago, yearsago, even decades ago. And these people that I interview, they haven't closedthemselves around this loss and made it the center of their lives. They'velived, their worlds have kept spinning. But they're talking to me, a totalstranger, about the person they love who has died, because these are theexperiences that mark us and make us just as much as the joyful ones. And justas permanently. Long after you get your last sympathy card or your last hotdish. Like, we don't look at the people around us experiencing life's joys andwonders and tell them to "move on," do we? We don't send a cardthat's like, "Congratulations on your beautiful baby," and then, fiveyears later, think like, "Another birthday party? Get over it."

但是我不特別，一點(diǎn)都不。這件事我自己知道，我也清楚在世界各地，每一天都會(huì)有可怕的事情發(fā)生。無時(shí)無刻。就像我說，人是有趣的。不過總會(huì)有糟心事在不斷地發(fā)生，每一天都有人在經(jīng)歷著對(duì)他們痛苦而影響重大的失去。于是作為我工作中的一部分，在我主持的那個(gè)奇怪播客上，我有時(shí)候會(huì)和人們談?wù)勗谒麄兩砩习l(fā)生過的，最糟心的事情。有時(shí)候他們告訴我，那是幾天前，幾個(gè)星期前，幾年前，甚至是幾十年前失去一些所愛的人的經(jīng)歷。但是我采訪過的那些人，他們并沒有身陷在失去愛人的陰影里走不出來，也沒有圍繞著這些負(fù)面情緒走不出去。他們依然過自己該過的日子，他們的世界不停轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)，不過他們居然會(huì)對(duì)我，一個(gè)陌生人敞開心扉，談?wù)撍麄兪サ哪切┧鶒壑?，因?yàn)檫@些都是經(jīng)歷啊，就像那些快樂的經(jīng)歷一樣，在我們身上留下塑造我們的痕跡，并且同樣永久。就算是在你拿到你最后的吊唁信或是最后一道熱菜之后那些痕跡依舊將永久地跟著你。就像我們不會(huì)趁著自己身邊的人在享受生活的快樂和奇跡的時(shí)候告訴他們放下一切，不是嗎？我們不會(huì)在送了一張恭賀別人喜獲貴子的賀卡之后，還會(huì)想著要在五年后去幫他孩子慶祝生日。

13:08

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

13:09

Yeah, we get it, he's five.

對(duì)，我們知道他五歲了，所以呢？

13:11

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

13:12

Wow.

哇。

13:14

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

13:16

But grief is kind of one of those things,like, falling in love or having a baby or watching "The Wire" on HBO,where you don't get it until you get it, until you do it. And once you do it,once it's your love or your baby, once it's your grief and your front row atthe funeral, you get it. You understand what you're experiencing is not amoment in time, it's not a bone that will reset, but that you've been touchedby something chronic. Something incurable. It's not fatal, but sometimes grieffeels like it could be. And if we can't prevent it in one another, what can wedo?

不過悲痛和這些情緒都有一些相似，像愛上了某個(gè)人，生了孩子，或者在HBO電視臺(tái)看了”THE WIRE“，你在去做某些事或得到某些東西之前，永遠(yuǎn)都不能夠理解那種感受。但只要你放手去做了，只要那是你的愛人或孩子，只要是你的悲痛，或者去世的是你的親人時(shí)，你就會(huì)明白了。你會(huì)明白你正在經(jīng)歷的不是一朝一夕的事情，也不是一個(gè)可以被扭轉(zhuǎn)的事情。而是你真的被厄運(yùn)的大手觸碰了一下而這些厄運(yùn)，是無藥可救的。雖然悲痛的情緒讓我們以為自己難受得快要死掉，但這種情緒并不致命。如果每個(gè)人面臨的悲痛都是無法避免的，那我們還能做什么去緩解？

14:03

What can we do other than try to remind oneanother that some things can't be fixed, and not all wounds are meant to heal?We need each other to remember, to help each other remember, that grief is thismultitasking emotion. That you can and will be sad, and happy; you'll begrieving, and able to love in the same year or week, the same breath. We needto remember that a grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again. Ifthey're lucky, they'll even find love again. But yes, absolutely, they're goingto move forward. But that doesn't mean that they've moved on.

除了嘗試去提醒別人，有些事情發(fā)生了就無法再重來，也不是每個(gè)傷口都需要愈合，我們還能做什么？大家都需要謹(jǐn)記，也要幫助他人謹(jǐn)記，其實(shí)悲痛是一個(gè)多重情緒。你在經(jīng)歷悲痛的同一年里，你肯定會(huì)難過，但最終還是會(huì)開心；你會(huì)痛苦，然后擁有愛人的能力，在同一年，同一周，甚至同一個(gè)瞬間。我們只需記得，一個(gè)悲傷過的人最終還是會(huì)繼續(xù)展開笑顏。如果足夠幸運(yùn)，他們甚至可以再次遇見愛情。是的，他們終究會(huì)繼續(xù)向前走。但那不代表他們放下了一切。

14:53

Thank you.

謝謝。

14:54

(Applause)

（鼓掌）