(雙語(yǔ))月亮和六便士 第39章(1)

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Chapter 39

第三十九章

When I left him, after we had buried poor Blanche, Stroeve walked into the house with a heavy heart. Something impelled him to go to the studio, some obscure desire for self-torture, and yet he dreaded the anguish that he foresaw. He dragged himself up the stairs; his feet seemed unwilling to carry him; and outside the door he lingered for a long time, trying to summon up courage to go in. He felt horribly sick. He had an impulse to run down the stairs after me and beg me to go in with him; he had a feeling that there was somebody in the studio. He remembered how often he had waited for a minute or two on the landing to get his breath after the ascent, and how absurdly his impatience to see Blanche had taken it away again. To see her was a delight that never staled, and even though he had not been out an hour he was as excited at the prospect as if they had been parted for a month. Suddenly he could not believe that she was dead. What had happened could only be a dream, a frightful dream; and when he turned the key and opened the door, he would see her bending slightly over the table in the gracious attitude of the woman in Chardin's Benedicite, which always seemed to him so exquisite. Hurriedly he took the key out of his pocket, opened, and walked in.

我們那天埋葬了可憐的勃朗什，分手以后，施特略夫懷著一顆沉重的心走進(jìn)自己的房子。他被什么驅(qū)使著向畫(huà)室走去，也許是被某種想折磨自己的模糊的愿望，盡管他非常害怕他必將感到的劇烈痛苦。他拖著雙腳走上樓梯，他的兩只腳好象很不愿意往那地方移動(dòng)。他在畫(huà)室外面站了很久很久，拼命鼓起勇氣來(lái)推門(mén)進(jìn)去。他覺(jué)得一陣陣地犯惡心，想要嘔吐。他幾乎禁不住自己要跑下樓梯去把我追回來(lái)，求我陪著一起進(jìn)去。他有一種感覺(jué)，仿佛畫(huà)室里有人似的。他記得過(guò)去氣喘吁吁地走上樓梯，總要在樓梯口站一兩分鐘，讓呼吸平靜一些再進(jìn)屋子，可是又由于迫不及待想見(jiàn)到勃朗什（心情那么急切多么可笑?。┖粑偸瞧届o不下來(lái)。每次見(jiàn)到勃朗什都使他喜不自禁，哪怕出門(mén)還不到一個(gè)鐘頭，一想到同她會(huì)面也興奮得無(wú)法自持，就象分別了一月之久似的。突然間他不能相信她已經(jīng)死了。所發(fā)生的事只應(yīng)是一個(gè)夢(mèng)，一個(gè)噩夢(mèng)；當(dāng)他轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)鑰匙打開(kāi)門(mén)以后，他會(huì)看到她的身軀微俯在桌子上面，同夏爾丹的名畫(huà)《飯前禱告》里面那個(gè)婦女的身姿一樣優(yōu)美。施特略夫一向覺(jué)得這幅畫(huà)精美絕倫。他急忙從口袋里掏出鑰匙，把門(mén)打開(kāi)，走了進(jìn)去。

The apartment had no look of desertion. His wife's tidiness was one of the traits which had so much pleased him; his own upbringing had given him a tender sympathy for the delight in orderliness; and when he had seen her instinctive desire to put each thing in its appointed place it had given him a little warm feeling in his heart. The bedroom looked as though she had just left it: the brushes were neatly placed on the toilet-table, one on each side of the comb; someone had smoothed down the bed on which she had spent her last night in the studio; and her nightdress in a little case lay on the pillow. It was impossible to believe that she would never come into that room again.

房間不象沒(méi)人住的樣子。勃朗什習(xí)性整潔，施特略夫非常喜次她這一點(diǎn)。他小時(shí)候的教養(yǎng)使他對(duì)別人愛(ài)好整潔的習(xí)慣極富同感。當(dāng)他看到勃朗什出于天性樣樣?xùn)|西都放得井井有條，他心里有一種熱呼呼的感覺(jué)。臥室看上去象是她離開(kāi)沒(méi)有多久的樣子：幾把刷子整整齊齊地?cái)[在梳妝臺(tái)上，每一把放在一只梳子旁邊；她在畫(huà)室里最后一夜睡過(guò)的床鋪不知有誰(shuí)整理過(guò)，鋪得平平整整；她的睡衣放在一個(gè)小盒子里，擺在枕頭上面。真不能相信，她永遠(yuǎn)也不回這間屋子里來(lái)了。