英語(yǔ)美文朗讀 第444期 You dont have to apologize for those things

Having the ability to apologize is a positive trait and often a necessary part of life. It reflects strong interpersonal skills and it is one of the essential parts of emotional intelligence. When you apologize, it releases you from that guilty feeling of having wronged someone, and it restores the sense of trust between you and the other person. But sometimes we apologize only because we care too much about what others think. As a result, people may view these excessive apologies as weakness or a lack of confidence, or even a lack of competence.

 

擁有道歉的能力是一種積極向上的品質(zhì)，它對(duì)于我們的人生而言是必要的。它體現(xiàn)了出色的人際交往技巧，它是情商最重要的組成部分。當(dāng)你道歉時(shí)，你擺脫了因錯(cuò)怪他人而產(chǎn)生的愧疚感，并且你的道歉重建了你和對(duì)方之間的信任。但是，有時(shí)我們道歉僅僅是因?yàn)槲覀兲^(guò)在乎他人的想法，結(jié)果就是，人們會(huì)將我們這種過(guò)度的歉意視為軟弱或自卑，甚至無(wú)能。

 

Now, this isn't to knock the value of admitting to our mistakes and making amends if we are wrong - of course you should indeed apologize when necessary, but there is no need to say sorry when there is no reason to do so. Here are 15 things you don't have to apologize for!

好吧，這并不是說(shuō)，當(dāng)我們犯錯(cuò)時(shí)，我們不應(yīng)該承認(rèn)、不應(yīng)該做出彌補(bǔ)。誠(chéng)然，有必要的話，你確實(shí)需要道歉。但你沒(méi)必要無(wú)緣無(wú)故道歉。以下是十五件你不必為其道歉的事情。

 

Number 1 - Your Appearance

When you apologize for things like looking tired or having a bad hair day, it comes off as a lack of self-compassion. You are who you are. Why would an apology be necessary for what you look like? Assuming that you don't show up at the office in sweatpants and a t-shirt, you really don't need to apologize for how you look.

第一，你的外表。當(dāng)你為自己看起來(lái)過(guò)于疲憊，或者為自己度過(guò)了很糟糕的一天而道歉時(shí)，這就是缺乏自我共情的表現(xiàn)。你就是你。為什么要為你自己看起來(lái)如何而道歉？只要你沒(méi)有穿運(yùn)動(dòng)褲和T恤出現(xiàn)在辦公室里，你就真的沒(méi)有必要為自己的外表而道歉。

 

Number 2 - Expressing Your Emotions

In any relationship, it's important to express your feelings. This helps others better understand you, and it deepens the connection you have. On the flip side, when you suppress your emotions in one area, they tend to come up in another area. This can appear as depression, anger, or anxiety and it can even cause physical illness. There is nothing wrong with expressing your emotions. It's a healthy behavior and not something you should feel like you have to hide. In fact, expressing your emotions will make you happier because it can help you cope with life better.

第二，表達(dá)你自己的感受。在任何的人際關(guān)系里，表達(dá)你的感受都是很重要的。這幫助別人進(jìn)一步了解你，并加深你們之間的關(guān)系。反過(guò)來(lái)，要是你在某一個(gè)方面壓抑自己的情感，它們就會(huì)從另外一個(gè)方面表露出來(lái)。這可能表現(xiàn)為抑郁、憤怒、焦慮，它甚至可能引起生理上的病痛。表達(dá)自己的情感本來(lái)就沒(méi)什么不對(duì)。這是一個(gè)健康的行為，而不是一件令你覺(jué)得你需要遮掩的事情。事實(shí)上，表達(dá)你的情感會(huì)使你更快樂(lè)，因?yàn)樗屇愀玫孛鎸?duì)生活。

 

Number 3 - Asking For Help or Clarification

Becoming overwhelmed from time to time is normal and something that happens to everyone. When you reach out and ask for help, it doesn't mean you are weak. It's not a reflection of your ability to handle situations. When you find yourself asking for help or clarification, you don't need to apologize. In addition, when you don't know the answer to something, admitting that you don't know can actually be empowering. It shows the other person that you are open-minded and willing to learn. It also shows that you are humble. And, if someone has an issue with you questioning something, most likely it's their lack of security in their knowledge.

第三，尋求幫助或要求澄清。感到不知所措是很正常的，每個(gè)人都會(huì)遇到這樣的情況。向他人尋求幫助并不意味著你無(wú)能，這并不能體現(xiàn)你處理事情的能力。當(dāng)你尋求幫助或進(jìn)一步解釋說(shuō)明的時(shí)候，你沒(méi)有必要道歉。除此之外，當(dāng)你答不上某個(gè)問(wèn)題時(shí)，直接承認(rèn)自己不知道答案即可，這會(huì)賦予你更多的力量。因?yàn)檫@讓他人知道，你懷著開(kāi)放的心態(tài)，你有學(xué)習(xí)的意愿。這也展現(xiàn)了你的謙遜。如果有人對(duì)你的困惑指指點(diǎn)點(diǎn)，很可能這是因?yàn)樗麄儗?duì)自己的知識(shí)儲(chǔ)備感到不自信。

 

Number 4 - Being Honest

People often ask for an honest opinion. But what happens when you tell them what you honestly think? Usually they just get upset, and tell you that you hurt their feelings. Right? Then, of course, the first thing you do is attempt to remedy the situation by trying to somehow retract your statement. You lie and apologize for what you've said. But here's the thing… You shouldn't have to do that. They asked you for an honest opinion, and you did just that - you gave them an honest opinion. Don't feel guilty about telling the truth, and don't apologize for it either! The truth can be harsh, but it's often important. And in most cases, once they calm down, they will appreciate your honesty.

第四，誠(chéng)實(shí)。人們總是會(huì)向他人尋求一個(gè)坦誠(chéng)的看法。但，當(dāng)你告訴他們你真實(shí)的看法時(shí)，又會(huì)怎樣呢？通常，人們會(huì)感到沮喪，并且告訴你，你讓他們傷心，對(duì)吧？自然而然地，接下來(lái)，你嘗試去做的第一件事，就是通過(guò)“收回”自己當(dāng)時(shí)說(shuō)的話來(lái)進(jìn)行彌補(bǔ)。你撒謊了，你為自己所說(shuō)的話道歉。但，我要告訴你，你不應(yīng)該那樣做。是他們自己要向你尋求坦誠(chéng)的看法的，你照著做了，你告訴了他們你的真實(shí)想法。不要因?yàn)檎f(shuō)真話而感到愧疚，也不要因此而道歉！真相可能很殘忍，但它往往很重要。在大多數(shù)情況下，一旦人們冷靜下來(lái)，他們就會(huì)感激你的坦誠(chéng)。

 

Number 5 - Other People's Behavior

Each one of us is responsible for our own actions and behaviors. You should never feel apologetic for something someone else has done - even if you feel that what they have done somehow connects to you through association. How another person acts or behaves is out of your control. Even if you feel like you want to make things better, or you feel like you are to blame, there is no need to apologize for things that others do.

五、他人的行為。我們每個(gè)人只能對(duì)自己的行為和舉動(dòng)負(fù)責(zé)。你從來(lái)沒(méi)必要為別人做的事情感到有歉意——就算你覺(jué)得他們做的事情和你有一定關(guān)聯(lián)。你無(wú)法控制別人做什么。就算你感覺(jué)你改善現(xiàn)有的事，或者你覺(jué)得你有一定責(zé)任，你都沒(méi)有必要為他人所做的事情而道歉。

 

Number 6 - Taking Time To Make Decisions

These days, it seems that people have very little patience. Everyone wants everything now - right now. Nobody wants to wait for anything. People expect you to do things according to their timetable - they expect you to quickly answer questions, emails, etc. Then what happens is that you feel pressured. You end up making rash decisions because you didn't have the time to fully think things over. Do know that just because other people have these expectations, it does not mean that you have to be on standby like a bellhop. And you should never feel like you have to apologize for taking time to make a decision. You obviously want to think it over and make the right one - one that is responsible and informed.

第六，花時(shí)間做決定。如今，貌似人們幾乎沒(méi)有耐心。每個(gè)人都獲得一切，現(xiàn)在，馬上。沒(méi)有人想為任何事情等待。人們期待你根據(jù)他們的日程來(lái)做事，他們期待你迅速地回答問(wèn)題，回復(fù)郵件，等等。結(jié)果就是，你感到壓力很大，你做出一些草率的決定，因?yàn)槟銢](méi)有足夠的時(shí)間去充分考慮并做出一個(gè)正確的選擇，一個(gè)在充分知情的情況下做出的、負(fù)責(zé)任的選擇。

 

Number 7 - Taking Time Out For Yourself

To avoid burning out from the day-to-day grind of life, we all need some time for ourselves. Taking time out for yourself is an important part of self-care and it will help you in other areas of your life. Having said that, we are all different, and the amount of space we need for ourselves varies from person to person. In any case, you don't need to apologize for taking time to recharge. Take the time you need and don't allow yourself to be consumed with feelings of guilt over it.

第七，為自己留出時(shí)間。為了避免自己在日復(fù)一日的痛苦中透支，我們都需要給自己留出一些時(shí)間。為你自己騰出一些時(shí)間，是自我關(guān)愛(ài)的重要組成部分，它會(huì)在生活中的其他方面對(duì)你有幫助。也就是說(shuō)，但我們每個(gè)人都是不一樣的，所以我們所需的空間也因人而異。在任何情況下，你都不需要為留出時(shí)間給自己調(diào)節(jié)修整而道歉。根據(jù)自己的需要，為自己留足時(shí)間，且不要讓你自己被愧疚的感覺(jué)折磨。

 

Number 8 - Your Past

Your past is just that, your past. While some of your past experiences may not reflect the best of you, it doesn't mean that is who you are today. We are all on a journey through life and we make mistakes as we go - hopefully learning from them! As long as you have grown as a person, your past mistakes shouldn't be things you apologize for today.

第八，你的過(guò)去。你的過(guò)去就是你的過(guò)去。雖然你過(guò)往的經(jīng)歷并所體現(xiàn)的并不是最好的你，但這并不意味著你如今還是那樣。我們都處于人生的旅途中，在前進(jìn)的路上，我們會(huì)犯一些錯(cuò)誤，但愿我們也能從中獲益！只要你是一個(gè)已經(jīng)成長(zhǎng)的人，你就不應(yīng)該為你過(guò)往的錯(cuò)誤道歉。

 

Number 9 - Ending Unhealthy Relationships

Any relationship that has gone south where all hope is lost will have an ill effect on your life.It will have a damaging impact on your mental health. If you are in a relationship where the other person is just poison in your life, you should end it - the sooner, the better. And yes, it will be painful for a while – remembering good times that you surely shared at some point - but you have to think of the now and see things for what they are, not what they were. Don't feel guilty about it or apologize for it. Instead, surround yourself with people who appreciate, respect and care about you – people who make you feel good.

第九，結(jié)束不健康的關(guān)系。任何走入歧途的、沒(méi)有任何希望的關(guān)系都會(huì)對(duì)你的人生造成消極的影響。它會(huì)對(duì)你的心理健康產(chǎn)生破壞性的影響。如果你處于一段對(duì)方對(duì)你的生活造成毒害的關(guān)系中，你應(yīng)該結(jié)束它，越早越好。確實(shí)，它會(huì)讓你痛苦一陣子，因?yàn)槟憧傇诨貞浽?jīng)一起度過(guò)的美好時(shí)光，但你必須考慮當(dāng)下，審視現(xiàn)狀，而不是曾經(jīng)。不要感到愧疚，不要道歉。與此相反，你應(yīng)該讓自己身處那些欣賞、尊重、在乎你的、讓你感覺(jué)良好的人之中。

 

Number 10 - Making Positive Changes

Often, people have a hard time with change- sadly, even when it's you, changing for the better. In most cases, that's because (in a way) you are predictable - they know what to expect from you, and they know how to respond to you. But there is nothing wrong with you making positive changes - you should - and you have every right to do so. It's natural to want to evolve into a better person, and there's really no need to apologize for making changes that are right for you. Even if some people find it challenging to adjust to these changes, eventually they will.

第十，做出積極的改變。通常，人們很難接受改變，就算是你的積極改變也如此，這十分令人沮喪。大多數(shù)時(shí)候，這是因?yàn)椋谀撤N程度上，對(duì)于他們而言，你是可預(yù)測(cè)的，也就是說(shuō)，他們知道對(duì)你應(yīng)有什么樣的期待，并且知道如何應(yīng)對(duì)你。但，你做出積極的改變，這并沒(méi)有什么不對(duì)，因?yàn)槟銘?yīng)該，并且你有權(quán)這樣做。想變成更優(yōu)秀的人，是自然而然的事，你沒(méi)有必要為自己做出的正確改變而道歉。就算有些人很難適應(yīng)這些改變，最終他們都會(huì)適應(yīng)的。