金融時報:如何正確地吐槽英格蘭隊

如何正確地吐槽英格蘭隊

FT諷刺專欄作家施里姆斯利告訴大家，在今年的世界杯上可以這么吐槽“三獅軍團”，比如說，“其實，我們并不像大家相信的那樣經(jīng)常輸給德國隊——因為我們總是早早被淘汰，碰不到德國隊”。他可謂將島國人民喪心病狂的自黑精神發(fā)揚光大。

測試中可能遇到的詞匯和知識：

cheat sheet 小抄，備忘錄

aficionado[?,f?si?'nɑ?d??] 狂熱愛好者

nimble[ 'n?mb(?)l] 敏感的，敏捷的

throwback ['θr??bæk] 復(fù)古的

clamour ['klæm?] 呼吁

protruding [pr?'tru?d??] 突出的

Soccer chat cheat sheet (620 words)

By Robert Shrimsley

We've got our free wall charts from the Sunday papers. The endless TV shows mean that I already know the 50 greatest World Cup moments; the 40 greatest World Cup goals; the 20 best World Cup teams and England's one greatest World Cup moment. All this and we still have five days to go.

But as World Cup devotees prepare for the kick-off it is time to spare a thought for those who are left behind by World Cup madness. As Thomas Piketty would tell you, 90%of the conversation will be owned by 10% of the public. So here for the soccer-challenged is a cheat sheet to get you through the month.

This is our year. You must never say it but the key to watching England is that, in spite of all the evidence, you secretly believe this is their year. Hell, even Goldman Sachs put our chances at more than 1%. Only five others did better – although they are Brazil, Spain, Germany, Italy and Argentina. Even so, if you are planning an England party, do it during the early stages.

Have a view. You need a couple of opinions, so if you want to suggest some hidden knowledge, say you cannot believe the England manager “hasn't started with Sterling (a young Liverpool player who had fantastic performance during the past season)”. This will work well, unless, of course, he has started with Sterling – in which case you might want to choose someone else. Do not ask why he has not picked Beckham – this may imply you know only one footballer. Stanley Matthews (English star player in the 1950s) is also unavailable. If you want to seem a real aficionado, you might opine that Spain are now really boring – but this is a bold play that only a true expert would risk.

The team with the best defence wins. A useful piece of soccer wisdom that is generally right; except on those occasions when it isn't.

Deliver your predictions in a Scottish accent. This way, if you say something stupid you can pretend you were mocking Alan Hansen (a commentator who usually got mocked by confidently but falsely predicting that Sir Ferguson “can't win anything with kids”).

Stay nimble in your response to results. A solid performance in game one: advance straight to hysteria, pictures of Bobby Charlton (England hero for winning the 1966 World Cup) and singing “Three Lions”. A truly bad result demands absurd optimism: “We can still do it if we win our next game and beat Costa Rica by 15 goals.”(England will play Uraguay, Italy and Costa Rica in the group stage.)

Oh no, Germany. Contrary to popular view, England does not always lose to the Germans. Sometimes we are knocked out before we face them.

What we need is a big old-fashioned centre forward. Every England squad has one throwback striker (who can do nothing but heading the ball) who may eventually score if enough long balls are sent in his direction. At some point in every tournament, the clamour grows to deploy this secret weapon because it is well known that the skilful continentals are frightened of a large caveman with a protruding forehead (this is mocking England's top striker Wayne Rooney).

England lacks style. The shortcomings of the team are a metaphor for the shortcomings of the country. Mainland Europeans are better dressed, eat better food and lack protruding foreheads.

We don't mind winning ugly. In fact we were unaware there was an alternative.

Penalty shoot-outs. Relax, what are the chances of that happening?

請根據(jù)你所讀到的文章內(nèi)容，完成以下自測題目：

1.What do we know about England national team?

A.They have won the World Cup many times.

B.They no longer have world stars like Beckham.

C.They are famous for excellent skills.

答案(1)

2.What do we know about England's fans?

A.There are millions around the world.

B.They are usually enthusiastic and over-confident.

C.They are always mocked by Scottish fans.

答案(2)

3.What is most likely to happen, as the writer expects?

A.England goes home early as usual.

B.England beats Costa Rica 15:0.

C.England meets Germany and lose the match.

D.England plays penalty-shoot-out and win.

答案(3)

* * *

(1)答案：B.They no longer have world stars like Beckham.

解釋：在tip的第一段提到英格蘭的“那一次偉大的時刻”，也就是只贏得了一次冠軍。作者接下來就說，你不要問“為什么不帶貝克漢姆去”，這樣會顯得你只知道一個足球運動員。——也就是說目前的英格蘭隊沒有所有人都耳熟能詳?shù)那蛐橇恕Ｖ劣贑，作者后面沒少黑英格蘭球員的技術(shù)粗糙。

(2)答案：B.They are usually enthusiastic and over-confident.

解釋：整篇文章塑造了典型的英國球迷們面對世界杯興奮的樂觀的形象：高舉波比·查爾頓的照片并高唱《三獅軍團》，比如第一條就是堅信“this is our year”，即使在死亡之組前兩場踢得不好也得有absurd optimism：“我們只要15:0擊敗哥斯達(dá)黎加就可以出線”。

(3)答案：A.England goes home early as usual.

解釋：其他幾個都是很不可能出現(xiàn)的，作者認(rèn)為。而在死亡之組打道回府則是可以預(yù)期的結(jié)果。

《金融時報》原文閱讀精選集