Last month, my company both invented and cured Restless Eye Syndrome.
Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps.
He started it.
Okay, okay, guys-- new back stories. Uh, Penny and Leonard, you two lovebirds are super successful and living in New York.
Uh, you're an actress, you're a professor and you have three beautiful kids. Great.
Okay, let's do this. Good luck.
While you confront your mother about her sex life? I'd rather go back to that bar in ass-less chaps.
Mother? Mother. Mother? Shelly! I'm so glad you're here!
I saw you having naked sex.
Earlier, I came here to surprise you.
I looked in the window and I saw you with a man.
Oh, Shelly, I'm so sorry. Come in.
Maybe we should sit down and talk about this.
要不我們坐下來談?wù)?/div>
Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
能推薦一個(gè)你沒有行過魚水之歡的地方嗎?
That's not funny.
別拿這個(gè)開玩笑
Maybe we should sit at the table.
要不坐桌子那邊
Well, I'm sure that, uh, you... have a lot of questions.
我想...你...有很多疑問
Who was he?
他是誰?
His name is Ron. I met him at my prayer group.
他叫羅恩,我在祈禱會(huì)認(rèn)識(shí)的
How long have you been involved with him? A few months.
和他在一起多久了?幾個(gè)月了
And of those few months, how long have you been a demented sex pervert?
這幾個(gè)月里,你沉淪于狂熱性愛多久了?
That is no way to speak to your mother. Perhaps not.
你不能這么對(duì)你媽說話。也許不能
But it is a way to speak to a woman who quoted the Bible to me my whole life, and then desecrates one of Ethan Allen's finest sofas.
但是對(duì)一個(gè)從小到大都用圣經(jīng)里的話教育我,還玷污了伊頓·阿倫最精美的沙發(fā)的女人就可以這么說話
I will give you one opportunity, young man, to apologize. Or what? Or I will send you to your room.
我給你一次機(jī)會(huì),年輕人,給我道歉。不然呢?不然就把你關(guān)屋里
That's ridiculous. I am a grown man.
太可笑了,我是個(gè)成年人了
I am a professional scientist. And I currently occupy the moral high ground.
還是位專業(yè)的科學(xué)家,而且現(xiàn)在我占領(lǐng)了道德高地
Go to your room.
回房間!
But I occupy the moral high ground.
但是我占領(lǐng)了道德高地
Go to your room.
回房間!
But I'm a professional scientist.
但我是位專業(yè)的科學(xué)家
Go... to your room!
回!房!間!
I'm a grown man.
我是成年人
Can we please get back to the game? I-I-In a minute.
能繼續(xù)游戲不?等等下
I-I-I don't understand why any success you have in acting is more important than any I have in science.
我就是不明白,為什么你在演藝事業(yè)取得的任何成就都重于我在科學(xué)界的成就
Okay, if you do something cool in science, you might change the world.
你看,你要在科學(xué)界做出點(diǎn)什么,你也許能改變世界
If I become a famous actress... I'm not gonna tell you why movie stars are the best. They just are.
但如果我變成了有名的演員...我才不跟你說為什么電影明星最重要。反正就是
I'm surprised you guys never talked about this stuff.
我沒想到你們從來沒談過這事
Like you and Sheldon have everything figured out?
好像你和謝爾頓什么都談好了一樣?
Actually, our relationship agreement covers a wide array of scenarios, including career changes, financial instability, intelligent dog uprising...
我們的戀愛協(xié)議已經(jīng)覆蓋了大量的內(nèi)容,包括工作的更換,財(cái)務(wù)的不穩(wěn)定性,高智商狗的暴動(dòng)
FYI, we plan on selling out the human race hard.
另外,我們的計(jì)劃是狠狠地出賣人類
In 20 years, who knows what'll happen with any of us?
反正20年后,誰知道我們會(huì)發(fā)生什么?
I think you and Leonard will be together.
我覺得你和萊納德會(huì)在一起
You do? Yeah I think you're the best couple I know.
你這么想?是呀。我覺得你們是我見過最棒的情侶
Aw. That's so sweet. What the hell?! Excuse me?
嘴真甜。我了個(gè)去!你說啥?
Let the dead man talk.
讓這死人說下去
So, why do you think that?
你為什么會(huì)這么想?
Uh, well, I feel like you guys make each other better.
我就是覺得你們讓彼此變得更好
Penny brought Leonard out of his shell.
佩妮讓萊納德打開心扉
And it seems like Leonard makes Penny think more deeply about the world. I don't know.
而萊納德似乎讓佩妮對(duì)這個(gè)世界有了更深刻的思考。我也不知道
Together, you two kind of make one awesome person. Aw, Stuart.
你們?cè)谝黄?,似乎成了一個(gè)很棒的人。哦,斯圖爾特
Now I feel bad for murdering you. Oh, come on!
現(xiàn)在我都覺得把你殺了太過分了。喂!
Penny did it! I win!
佩妮殺的!我贏了!
Suck it, jackasses!
去死吧,愚蠢的人類!
Hey, can I come in?
我能進(jìn)來不?
Apparently any man is welcome in this house. Why not you?
這屋子顯然是個(gè)男人都能進(jìn),為什么你不行?
I thought you were waiting in the car.
我以為你在車?yán)锏饶?/div>
That was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas that long, "For Sale" signs start to go up.
都一個(gè)小時(shí)了,謝爾頓,一個(gè)猶太人要在德州的房子前坐這么久,"清倉大甩賣"的牌子就要掛出來了
I take it things didn't go smoothly with your mom. No.
我想你和你媽的交涉并不愉快。是啊
I'm not sure how we're going to get past this.
也不知道我們要怎么處理這事
You know, I... I sort of went through something like this myself.
那個(gè),我...我某種程度上經(jīng)歷過一些事情,親身經(jīng)歷
Howard, we've all seen your mother naked.
霍華德,我們都見過你媽媽裸體
That woman needs to learn how to tie a robe.
她需要學(xué)會(huì)怎么系好浴袍
I'm talking about when my mom started seeing someone a couple years after my dad left.
我是說當(dāng)我媽媽在我爸爸去世幾年后開始和某人約會(huì)
I didn't know she did.
我不知道她這樣做了
Yeah, she was dating this guy, and I was kind of a jerk to her about it.
是啊,她當(dāng)時(shí)在和那個(gè)男人約會(huì),這件事情上我其實(shí)對(duì)她挺混蛋的
What did you do?
你都做什么了?
Well, let's just say it was the most vicious bar mitzvah speech in the history of Temple Beth El.
好吧,相當(dāng)于是說這是貝賽爾教會(huì),史上最惡毒的猶太人成年禮演講
Anyway, she broke up with him.
無論如何,她和他分手了
And she's basically been alone ever since.
然后她基本上一直單身到現(xiàn)在
She never said it, but I always felt I was the reason why.
她從來都沒說過,但我經(jīng)常能感覺到我就是她一直單身的原因
I'm sorry. Although, based on your story, you absolutely were the reason why.
我很遺憾,雖然根據(jù)你的故事,你絕對(duì)就是那個(gè)原因
All I'm saying is you might not want to get in the way of your mom's happiness.
所有我想說的是你肯定不想干涉你媽媽的幸福
You may have a point.
你可能說到點(diǎn)上了
I love my mother.
我愛我媽媽
Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.
雖然她滾床單的時(shí)候像個(gè)惡魔般的黃鼠狼
And the healing begins.
治愈開始了
Hello. Hello. Are you ready to discuss this calmly, like adults? I am.
哈嘍。哈嘍。你準(zhǔn)備好了像個(gè)成年人一樣冷靜地討論這些嗎?是的
Shelly, I'm sorry that you saw what you saw. I know that this is hard for you.
謝仔,我很遺憾你看到你所看到的,我知道這對(duì)你來說很難
I think what most upsets me about it, Mother, is the hypocrisy.
媽媽,我覺得最讓我不開心的是虛偽
Doesn't this contradict all the religious rules you've been espousing your whole life? You're right, it does, and it's something that I'm struggling with these days.
這難道不違背了你一生所信奉的所有宗教信條嗎?你說的沒錯(cuò),是這樣,這也是這幾天我正在掙扎的東西
Then why are you doing it?
所以你為什么要這樣做?
Because I'm not perfect, Shelly.
因?yàn)槲也皇峭昝赖?,謝仔
And that man's booty is.
但是這個(gè)男人的臀部是的
Well, this is confusing for me.
好吧,這對(duì)我來說太困惑了
But I don't want to stand in the way of your happiness. So...
但我并不想阻擋你的幸福,所以...
I'll condemn you internally while maintaining an outward appearance of acceptance.
我會(huì)一邊在內(nèi)心譴責(zé)你,一邊在表面上保持接受
That is very Christian of you.
真是個(gè)好基督徒啊
Mother, if you're going to conduct your life in this fashion,
媽媽,如果你要用這種方式進(jìn)行你的生活,
then I should let you know that the world has changed since you were a young woman.
我需要要讓你知道,從你還是個(gè)年輕女人的時(shí)候,世界都已經(jīng)變了
You know, it's not all sock hops, soda jerks and segregation anymore.
你知道嗎,這已經(jīng)不是不穿鞋子的短襪舞會(huì),老式蘇打水和種族隔離的年代了
How old do you think I am?
你認(rèn)為我多大了?
My point is that you're going to need to be careful.
我的重點(diǎn)是你需要小心謹(jǐn)慎
You used to be protected by your pre-Enlightenment mythology, but now you're going to need a stronger friend named latex.
你以前會(huì)用你的先啟蒙神話學(xué)保護(hù)你自己,但是你現(xiàn)在需要一個(gè)更強(qiáng)壯的小伙伴叫套套
Are you having the sex talk with me?
你在和我進(jìn)行性教育談話嗎?
Well, someone has to. Oh, dear Lord! Yeah, well... No, don't look to Him. He's mad at you right now.
嗯,總要有人做這件事的,哦,上帝啊,好吧,別,你別看著上帝,他正在生你的氣呢
Oh, come on, don't pout. I'm sorry I ruined your game.
噢,行了吧,別噘著嘴了,我很抱歉毀了你的游戲
I'm not pouting, I'm brooding.
我沒發(fā)脾氣,我在沉思
Which is how sexy men pout.
這就是性感男人發(fā)脾氣的方式
It actually was kind of fun.
事實(shí)上這挺好玩的
You're just saying that. Yeah.
你只是隨便說說罷了。是的
I liked the time travel element.
我喜歡那個(gè)時(shí)空旅行元素
Thank you. I thought it was inspired.
謝謝,我覺得很受啟發(fā)
It was. By Terminator.
對(duì)啊,被終結(jié)者
Well, I hope 20 years from now, we really are all still together and still friends. Definitely. Of course.
好吧,我希望20年以后,我們還在一起并且還是好朋友。必須的,當(dāng)然了
Well, hey, how about this?
好吧,嘿,這個(gè)怎么樣
Whether we're friends, not friends, scattered around the world, no matter what,
不管我們是朋友或者不是朋友,分散在世界的各個(gè)角落,無論如何
let's all promise to meet in front of this building exactly 20 years from tonight at 8:00 p.m. and have dinner like we always do.
我們來約定從今晚8點(diǎn)開始的整整20年后在這棟樓的前面相聚,然后就像我們經(jīng)常做的一起吃個(gè)晚飯
Aw! I love it. Okay?
哇!我愛這個(gè)。好嗎?
Putting it in my phone right now. Yeah, me, too.
現(xiàn)在在我的手機(jī)里記下來。是啊,我也是
My phone doesn't have a calendar.
我手機(jī)里沒有日歷
It's all right, I'll just write it on my hand.
沒關(guān)系,我就寫在手上好了
And it's done.
寫完了
Yup, we're all in.
好耶,我們都會(huì)來的
All right, I'll see you guys in 20 years.
行,20年后再見咯
I knew it.
我就知道
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